Time for a look at the lighter side

 I told my friend I was feeling useless, so he suggested I try volunteering at the retirement home.

I said, "But I'm 78 years old."
He said, "Perfect. You can answer the front desk phone."
I said, "But I don't know how to use the new system."
He said, "Don't worry. Neither does anyone who calls."

I asked my doctor how to live longer.
He said, "Have you tried volunteering?"
I said, "Will it really add years to my life?"
He said, "Well, it will feel like it when you're folding newsletters for the third hour."
I said, "That's not funny."
He said, "Neither is your blood pressure. Now go hand out water at the 5K."

My grandson asked me why I spend so much time at the food bank.
I said, "Because it gives me purpose."
He said, "But you just told Mom you spend most of your time there sorting cans by expiration date and muttering."
I said, "Exactly. Purpose and commentary. It's a package deal."

I signed up to read to children at the library.
The first book I picked was about a turtle who crossed the road to find his purpose.
A little boy raised his hand and said, "Why didn't he just use the crosswalk?"
I said, "Because then there wouldn't be a story."
He said, "So the moral is that we make things harder than they need to be?"
I said, "You're seven. How are you already this wise?"

I told my wife I was going to start volunteering at the hospital.
She said, "That's wonderful, dear. What will you do?"
I said, "I'll sit with people who aren't ready to receive visitors."
She said, "So... you'll sit in the waiting room like you do here?"
I said, "At the hospital they have better magazines."

The research says older people get more health benefits from volunteering.
I told this to my friend Harold.
He said, "That's because we're the only ones who still know how to fold a fitted sheet at the church donation center."
I said, "Harold, that's not what the research means."
He said, "You've never tried to fold a fitted sheet. It's a cardiovascular workout."

I asked the volunteer coordinator what the most important quality is for someone answering the crisis line.
She said, "The ability to sit with someone who isn't ready to talk."
I said, "So basically marriage."
She said, "Without the commentary about whose turn it is to do the dishes."
I said, "I'm still qualified."

My daughter asked why I keep volunteering at the same place even though no one seems to appreciate it.
I said, "Because the question isn't whether they're ready for me. The question is whether I'm ready for them."
She said, "That's beautiful, Dad."
I said, "Also, they have free coffee."
She said, "That's more honest."
I said, "That's called being responsible toward life... and caffeine."

I hope these bring a smile to your face as you head out to answer the next question coming your way