Most of us avoid talking about grief because we are afraid of saying the wrong thing. So, we say nothing. Or worse, we offer cheerful platitudes that land like salt on a wound.
“He’s in a better place.”
“At least you had so many years.”
“You’re so strong.”
None of those help. What helps is honest, quiet presence.
Here are a few questions that actually open the door, without demanding the person perform their
pain for you:
- “What
part of your day feels hardest right now?”
- “Would
you like to tell me something about them? Anything at all.”
- “I
don’t know what to say, but I want to be here. Is that okay?”
- “What
would feel helpful today – company, a task, or just silence?”
And if you are the one grieving, you are allowed to tell
people what you need. “I don’t feel like talking. But I’d love you to sit here
while I have tea.” Or: “Actually, could you help me with the garden? I need my
hands busy.”
The goal is not to fix. The goal is to walk alongside.
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