October Smiles

 A Month of Fall, Thanksgiving and Halloween Humour

Here are 31 light-hearted one-liners to brighten every day of October.

October 1
Say what you want about morticians, they'll be the last people to ever let you down.

October 2
Autumn leaves are proof that it's perfectly okay to let go and still look beautiful.

October 3
I told my rake we were taking the day off. It gave me the silent treatment.

October 4
Retirement is the only job where every day can be Casual Friday.
Retirement is when every day is Saturday...
Until you realize it's Monday because everyone else is at work.

October 5
I love October. It's the one month when even spiders become home decorators.

October 6
My neighbour said he was making pumpkin pie from scratch. I asked, "How did you get the pumpkin to hold the pencil?"

I tried to organize my books by colour. Now I can't find anything, but the bookshelf looks fabulous.

October 7
The older I get, the more I appreciate elastic waistbands. They're the true heroes of Thanksgiving.
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.
He said, "Stop going to those places."

October 8
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see Thanksgiving leftovers, I eat them.

October 9
The trees are getting undressed for winter.
At least someone still has a seasonal wardrobe.

Leaves spend all year growing just so they can show off in October.

October 10 – Thanksgiving Eve
Tomorrow we'll count our blessings. The day after, we'll count the leftovers.

October 11 – Canadian Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving, the annual reminder that the turkey isn't the only one getting stuffed.

October 12
If calories disappeared with the leftovers, Thanksgiving would be a perfect holiday.

October 13
I tried to burn off my Thanksgiving dinner. Now the smoke alarm won't stop congratulating me.

October 14
Autumn is nature's way of saying, "Slow down... winter is coming."

October 15
I swept the leaves yesterday. Today they held a family reunion.

October 16
The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field. He was also very down-to-earth.

October 17
Golf in October teaches patience. Every lost ball is either under leaves or in Canada.

October 18
October teaches us that change can be colourful.

October 19
The pumpkin told the squash, "Don't worry, we're both a little seedy."

October 20
I asked my wife if we needed another pumpkin. She said, "Of course, we don't have one in the bathroom."

October 21
My favourite exercise is carrying bags of Halloween candy from the store. After that, I deserve a nap.

October 22
Ghosts make terrible liars. You can see right through them.

October 23
The skeleton skipped the party because he had nobody to go with.

October 24
Why don't witches wear flat shoes? Because someone has to keep the pointy hat company.

October 25
The vampire became a librarian because he loved checking out good circulation.

October 26
The mummy called in sick. He was all wrapped up in something.

October 27
Never trust a ghost who says, "I'll be there in a minute."

October 28
The broom got promoted because it always swept the competition.

October 29
Monsters are just people who haven't had enough coffee.

October 30
Halloween is the only day when knocking on strangers' doors for candy is considered good manners.

October 31 – Halloween
As we get older, Halloween changes. We no longer worry about things that go bump in the night, we worry about getting up twice to go to the bathroom.
Remember...
You're never too old to dress up for Halloween.
Just tell everyone you're going as your younger self.

Happy October! May your coffee stay hot, your pumpkin pie have extra whipped cream, your golf ball avoid the leaves, and your laughter echo louder than any ghost.