You are not alone

A friend I know is grieving, here is part of what he and I talked about the other day. 

 I know that grief can be a heavy burden to carry. Losing a loved one is never easy, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed by the emotions that come with it. I want you to know that you're not alone in this journey, and there are others here to support you every step of the way.

I know that it's hard to believe right now, but you will get through this. Grief is a natural part of life, and it's a process that we all go through at some point or another. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused - those emotions are a normal response to loss. But I want to encourage you to keep moving forward, even when it feels like the smallest step.

You might be feeling stuck right now, but I want you to know that you're not stuck forever. You will get to a place of peace and acceptance, and it's a beautiful thing. It's like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you can finally start to heal.

I know it's hard to see right now, but you are strong and capable. You've made it through tough times before, and you can do it again. Don't give up, even when it feels like the darkest moment. Keep pushing forward, and know that better days are ahead.

Remember, grief is a journey, not a destination. It's okay to take your time, and it's okay to feel your emotions. But don't let grief define you. You are more than your grief, and you are capable of so much more.

Find someone to listen, to support you, and to help you through this tough time. You're not alone, and you never will be.

From Grief to Healing: A Journey of Embracing Life's Transitions

Grief can be a profound and unexpected visitor in our lives, regardless of age. As seniors, we may find ourselves facing this experience more frequently, given the natural course of life. Nevertheless, when the loss hits close to our hearts, especially if it's a cherished friend, a life partner, or someone we spent each day with, it can be an overwhelming emotional storm, leaving us uncertain about how to navigate this complex process of grieving.

It may seem unusual to talk about "correctly grieving," but this notion emphasizes that grief, though often painful, is a normal and essential part of life. It serves as a healthy mechanism for our minds and emotions to process loss. There's no one-size-fits-all approach, but there are ways to approach grief that can help us heal.

When you first experience loss, it can feel like a shockwave, leaving you disoriented and unable to think clearly. The transition from having a loved one to not having them in a matter of moments can be incredibly challenging, even if the passing was anticipated due to illness. The finality of the news can be jarring.

Grief is a complex emotional journey, and there are common reactions often referred to as "stages of grief," including sadness, anger, denial, depression, and acceptance. It's important to note that not everyone experiences all these stages, and there is no set order. The unhealthy way to process grief is to become stuck in any one of these emotional conditions.

If you encounter someone who appears unusually upbeat and shows no signs of tears after losing a loved one, it may be a manifestation of the denial phase. While they may accept the facts of the loss, they are not fully addressing it emotionally. It is just as unhealthy to become trapped in anger, sadness, or depression. If you find yourself stuck in one of these phases, seeking help and support is essential. The only healthy stage of grief to remain in is acceptance.

Preparing for grief can be a valuable way to equip yourself for the journey of recovery. If you are reading this to prepare for the future, you are taking a significant step by arming yourself with knowledge to help navigate the inevitable grief. Here are some healthy ways to prepare yourself:

Pre-Grieve: If your loved one is seriously ill and approaching the end of their life, discussing their passing in advance can help both of you process some of the emotions and expectations ahead of time.

Give Yourself Permission: Allow yourself to grieve openly and authentically. Crying, feeling sadness, and experiencing loneliness are not signs of weakness or immaturity. Grant yourself the time and space to grieve naturally over weeks and months.

Recognize Stages and Reactions: Familiarize yourself with the stages and reactions of grief. When you recognize sadness, depression, anger, or denial, understand what they are and use this awareness to navigate your journey.

Grieving is a vital part of the healing process, and it's crucial to give yourself the time and space to process it thoroughly. Ultimately, reaching a place of acceptance and peace is a successful outcome of your grieving journey, allowing you to embrace life's transitions with resilience and hope.

More information on Griefing and loss

 The following is from the Bereavement webpage

Links to Online Resources About Loss – General

 Living Through Loss Counselling Society of BC

Living Through Loss Counselling offers professional grief counselling and emotional support to anyone who is experiencing stress due to life changes or loss.

 Lower Mainland Grief Recovery Society

The Lower Mainland Grief Recovery Society provides support groups for the bereaved in the greater Vancouver area.

 Creating Memorial Albums After Loss

How to make a memorial album after loss.

 Grieving and Ritual Podcast

Author and activist Sobonfu Somé on the importance of grieving and ritual.

Roberts Press

Roberts Press provides information and resources on grief and bereavement.

Recommended Reading – General

Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing in Your Heart, by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

 Grief One Day at a Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss, by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

 Finding the Words: How to Talk with Children and Teens About Death, Suicide, Funerals, Homicide, Cremation, and Other End-of-Life Matters, by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

 Getting Grief Right: Finding Your Story of Love in the Sorrow of Loss, by Patrick O'Malley PhD and Tim Madigan.

Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss, by Bob Deits

 Grief is a Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss, by Kenneth Doka

 No Enemy to Conquer: Forgiveness in an Unforgiving World, by Michael Henderson

 Facilitating with Heart: Awakening Personal Transformation and Social Change, by Martha Lasley

 

See more reading options at www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/ for more books by grief counsellor and educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt.

 

Grieving in the time of COVID

Grieving in the time of COVID. I have discussed the issue of grief many times, but our current pandemic is causing people problems with grieving. So far (September 3, 2020) COVID-19 has caused more than 894,000 deaths to date and left several million people mourning since the virus was first reported in December 2019.

The following is taken from the McMaster Optimal Ageing Portal and may be of interest to those who are grieving or know of those who are grieving?

Globally, health and social systems are facing an unprecedented challenge: supporting those who are grieving, while continuing to treat those infected and preventing the virus from spreading exponentially. It is also a time of great uncertainty, as the consequences and the course of the disease are not yet clearly defined.

Grief and bereavement during a pandemic remain complex due to public-health measures aimed at reducing the spread of the virus and protecting vulnerable people. Physical distancing requirements mean that funerals are limited and those who have lost loved ones may have to grieve alone. The inability to say goodbye, the loss of social and community networks, living in confinement, and all the other social and economic impacts of the pandemic may exacerbate the grieving process. In recent months, people have voiced their concerns that the COVID-19 pandemic is depriving people of the possibility of grieving. A Canadian coalition has also called for a national strategy to better support grief and bereavement which are currently "distorted" by the pandemic.

What strategies could help to deal with mass grief and bereavement? What programs and services could be put forward during a pandemic?

What research tells us

A recent rapid review of 12 articles examined service delivered in the context of mass grief and bereavement following natural disasters or man-made disasters (for example, oil spills, transportation accidents, or terrorist attacks), but also following pandemics. (6) Although these events differ from the current pandemic, there have similar characteristics: the sudden and massive loss of human life, the lack of access to relatives after death and disruption to customary funeral rituals, job losses, social disruption, as well as intense media coverage of the events and their consequences.

None of the studies reviewed provide strong evidence on the effectiveness of programs and services in supporting mass grief and bereavement. However, relevant measures in the context of COVID-19 have been identified:

·        a highly coordinated, proactive, and a multi-pronged approach to providing support to bereaved populations while avoiding promoting formal intervention with people who demonstrate resilience.

·        information and practical advice provided through multiple channels from the onset of the crisis, then moving to an open and centralized communication channel in the longer term.

·        an integrated local approach aimed both at raising awareness of support services and at communicating with people who are grieving (especially those living in rural and remote regions).

·        specific training for front-line workers on grieving and bereavement experiences, funeral rituals that must be changed and the effects of the intense media coverage during the pandemic.

·        psycho-educational approaches that focus on understanding reactions to loss, normalizing grief, improving family and social relationships and promoting individual coping skills.

·        risk assessments that take into account the impact of COVID-19 on other roles in life such as social isolation and unemployment to identify people likely to experience complicated grief and bereavement or to develop a mental health problem (or exacerbate pre-existing mental health problems); and

·        culturally sensitive approaches (that is, focused on the cultural needs of individuals, or that take into account the cultural and linguistic barriers of minority groups who are over-represented in COVID-19 death rates).

But until national strategies to support mass grief and bereavement are adopted, some programs and services exist to support you. Crisis Services Canada provides a list of crisis and counselling centers across the country (including local bereavement support groups). These centers are there to help you.