Final thoughts for now on transitions

It’s common to feel overwhelmed and uncertain when going through a life or work transition. Finding clarity on where you are, where to focus your energy, and what emotions to expect can provide comfort. One way to do this is by creating a personal metaphor for your transition. Metaphors have the power to inspire inner growth and connect us through a shared subconscious language.

Throughout history, certain metaphors have reappeared in literature, including transitioning from a caterpillar to a butterfly, awakening from the dream of reality, and moving from darkness to light. Other metaphors for change include the idea of a hallway, where we wait for new doors to open. It’s a space where we all find ourselves at some point, whether it’s because of a loved one’s death, a child leaving home, a new marriage, or unemployment.

Regardless of the metaphor you choose, making sense of your transition can help you navigate it more effectively and with greater ease. I have friends who use the door metaphor that says when one door closes another opens.

Doors can close in different ways. Some doors slam shut abruptly, such as losing a job, a loved one passing away, or experiencing a sudden illness. Other doors close slowly over time, like preparing for retirement or watching the last child leave home. Regardless of how they close, the door represents a permanent shift in one’s life.

Sometimes, we are the ones who close the door ourselves and step boldly or hesitantly into the hallway. This may involve ending a relationship, moving to a new city, starting a new career, or leaving a job without a backup plan. A significant change and a definitive closure mark the hallway.

At first, this change may feel like a profound loss or a sudden upheaval in life. However, change is the only way to make life better, and sometimes it requires leaving behind what was merely good.

Hallways can appear daunting and intimidating. We may resist them and avoid them, spending more energy than it would take to move through them. But with time, we come to realize that hallways are spaces of transformation and growth, and they often lead to a better and more fulfilling life.

Life is unpredictable and we may find ourselves in difficult and unfamiliar situations, but it’s important to remember that we have the power to create our own experiences and navigate through those challenges. It’s easy to get stuck in the hallway of uncertainty, but it’s essential to embrace change and trust the process of inner transformation. With self-belief, guidance, and support, we can find the courage and strength to open the next door and discover new opportunities and insights. It’s crucial to turn inward and search for clarity and guidance within us, and no matter what believe in yourself. And remember: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.

Life can change in a moment:

I was talking to a retired lawyer at a workshop and he was telling me his life story and he casually mentioned that he had survived a fire and that as a result of that fire, he had burns over 40% of his body. He went on to explain that the hardest part of his recovery was how to regain the use of his hands. Those of you who have followed me for years know that in 2014 my wife had a brain aneurysm and that at that moment I realized how life can change so quickly. The lawyer I talked to had a life-changing moment and was able to talk about it without being bitter.

I had experienced transitions when I retired and over my career,  I had brought about some major changes and I thought I had embraced the concept that change seems to be the only thing that is inevitable. But until you face life-changing issues or death the concept of change is abstract. Some events are planned while others come out of nowhere and smack us in the head. I know that lives can change at a moment’s notice. Yet nothing can prepare you for a fire, a car accident, or a catastrophic medical event. 

How well we respond to the events is I think one of the chief determinants of how well you savour life. In my life and in the retired lawyer's life the events we experienced made us stronger not more fearful. We both were very lucky as we had a wealth of people who would and did support us in our time of need. Not everyone has this luxury of a strong support group and have to face new and sometimes terrifying situations alone. My hope is that these unforeseen situations make you more effective not more afraid. More altruistic not more self-absorbed. More welcoming not more careful.

If a person does not have a strong support group then they need strong coping skills as they face the life-changing event and transition to the other side. It may be cliche to say but even after the most horrific tragedy life goes on and those who have the best coping skills, and are the most emotionally resilient, bounce back from disappointment or traumatic events and find new opportunities.  

Life is a range of transformations. We experience these changes in our careers, businesses, families, relationships, finances, and even our health. Each change requires us to go through a psychological process to come to terms with our new situation. According to William Bridges, the process of change and transition has three stages all require an emotional resiliency. The stages he uses are endings, the neutral zone, and new beginnings. 

If you are fortunate to know what changes you are up against then you can prepare for the change. If it is an unexpected change, such as a fire or a medical emergency then you cannot begin to prepare properly, but you can take steps to cope. Think of an upcoming life event including the unthinkable ones (death of a spouse, medical emergency, car accident, etc)  or one you are dealing with now. Write down every relevant question, concern, and possible consequence. You have to get them out of your head and on to paper. For example: What’s my greatest fear? What’s the potential financial impact? Where will the money come from? What resources or expertise could help me with this situation? Whom do I know who has been through this and what can I learn from that person?

The process of thinking through these questions will give you the confidence to respond when the time comes. Proactive thinking puts you in a different headspace even when the situation turns out far differently than what you anticipated.