Five Ways to Thrive in Liminal Space

The liminal space is uncomfortable. But it is also rich with possibility. Here are five practical ways to inhabit that space without losing your mind.

1. Schedule a new experience every week.

This does not have to be expensive or complicated. Walk a route you have never taken. Visit a library in a different neighbourhood. Try a new recipe. The goal is not to find the perfect activity. The goal is to stay curious.

2. Notice meaningful coincidences.

When you are in transition, you may start noticing patterns. You run into someone you have not seen in years. You hear the same phrase twice in one day. A book falls off the shelf, and when you open it, it speaks directly to your situation. These are not accidents. They are guideposts.

3. Imagine possibilities without settling too quickly.

It is tempting to grab the first option that comes along just to end the uncertainty. Resist that urge. Let yourself imagine different futures. What would it be like to live in a different city? To try a completely different kind of work? To pursue a passion you have never had time for? You are not committing to anything. You are just exploring.

4. Access your creativity.

You do not have to be an artist to be creative. Gardening, cooking, decorating, writing, photography—these are all creative acts. They are ways of expressing yourself. They are also ways of discovering who you are becoming.

5. Find someone to hold space for you.

Holding space means walking alongside another person without judging them, fixing them, or trying to change the outcome. It is a gift. If you have someone in your life who can do that for you, cherish them. If you do not, consider finding a therapist, a coach, or a support group. You do not have to do this alone.

Which of these five practices speaks to you right now? What would it look like to try it this week?

Making a New Beginning

When beginnings come after a definite ending and time hanging out in the neutral zone, they have great power. They are marked by a release of new energy in a new direction. They are the expression of a new identity.

But beginnings are not easy. Every new beginning confirms that the ending you experienced was real. You will feel again a sense of the original loss. And you may worry that this new beginning might not be the right one for you, or that you might fail.

That is normal. It is part of the process.

For seniors, new beginnings can take many forms. A new volunteer role. A new relationship. A new hobby. A new home. A new community. Each of these is an opportunity to express who you are now, not who you used to be.

But they can also be scary. What if you do not fit in? What if you are not good at it? What if it does not work out?

Here is what I have learned: the new beginning does not have to be perfect. It does not have to be your final destination. It just has to be a step. A step in a new direction. A step that confirms that you have made an ending and are ready for something new.

If you are struggling to make a new beginning, try this: think of it as an experiment. You do not have to commit forever. You are just trying something to see if it fits. You can always try something else.

The seniors I know who have thrived in their later years are the ones who have been willing to make new beginnings. They have not settled for the first thing that came along. But they have been willing to take a step, even when they were not sure where it would lead.

They have been willing to lose sight of the shore. What is one small new beginning you could make this week? Not a big commitment. Just a step. An experiment.

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The Neutral Zone – Where the Magic Happens

If making an ending is the first part of transition, the neutral zone is the second. This is the heart of liminal space. It is the time between the old and the new, when everything is up in the air.

William Bridges described the neutral zone as a time of chaos, "that state of pure energy that is experienced either as a jumble or a time of empty nothingness." It makes us feel out of control and a little crazy.

But it is also chock-full of creative potential. It is a time of possibility.

The problem is that most of us cannot stand the uncertainty. We want to get through the neutral zone as fast as possible. We leap to the first new thing that comes along, hoping it will make us feel comfortable again. And in doing so, we miss the opportunity that the neutral zone offers.

The primary task of the neutral zone is waiting. And waiting is hard.

But while you wait, there are things you can do.

First, schedule a new experience at least once a week. Wander through a toy store. Take a walking tour of your own town. Visit a museum you have never been to. Try something you have never done before. These small adventures keep you open to possibility.

Second, pay attention to meaningful coincidences. Carl Jung called this synchronicity. They are often arrows pointing the way to your next step. When you notice them, pay attention.

Third, imagine possibilities without settling too quickly. Creative visualization can help you rehearse each possibility to see what feels right.

Fourth, access your creativity in whatever form works for you. Plant a garden. Paint a picture. Write a poem. Creative acts are both soothing and supportive of self-understanding.

Fifth, meditate. Meditation is enormously helpful in managing anxiety and getting used to waiting peacefully.

For a senior, the neutral zone might be the months or years after retirement when you are still figuring out what you want to do with your time. It might be the period after a loss when you are learning to live alone. It might be the time after a move when you are building a new community.

Be patient with yourself. You are not failing. You are transforming. What would it feel like to stop fighting the uncertainty of your transition and instead settle into it, just for a while?

The Art of Letting Go

William Bridges, who wrote the definitive work on transitions, described three parts to any transition. The first and hardest is making an ending.

Most of us are terrible at endings. We try to glide over them, pretend they are not happening, or hold on so tightly that we never really let go. But without a clean ending, there can be no real transition.

When I retired from teaching, I started substitute teaching almost immediately. I told myself it was extra money, a way to keep my hand in. But the truth was simpler: I was not ready to let go of being a teacher. I was still identifying with the role, still defining myself by what I did. I had not made an ending.

It took me three years to realize that I would never fully arrive at what was next as long as I was clinging to what was. So, I revoked my teaching licence. It was a symbolic act, but it was also a real one. I was saying, "I am no longer a teacher. I am open to whatever comes next."

That is the work of making an ending. It is not just about leaving a job or a relationship. It is about letting go of the identity that went with it. It is about grieving what you are losing. It is about giving yourself permission to not know who you are yet.

For seniors, the endings can feel relentless. We retire from work. We lose friends and family. We give up our driver's licence. We move from a home we have lived in for decades to something smaller. Each of these losses asks us to let go of a part of who we have been.

And that is hard. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to feel sad, angry, confused. Those feelings are not signs of weakness. They are signs that you are doing the work of transition.

If you are struggling to make an ending, try this: find a symbolic way to mark the change. Write a letter to your old self. Plant a tree to honour a memory. Create a small ceremony to acknowledge what you are leaving behind.

The act of marking an ending is not about forgetting. It is about giving yourself permission to move on. What ending are you avoiding? What would it feel like to let it go, fully and completely?

Final thoughts for now on transitions

It’s common to feel overwhelmed and uncertain when going through a life or work transition. Finding clarity on where you are, where to focus your energy, and what emotions to expect can provide comfort. One way to do this is by creating a personal metaphor for your transition. Metaphors have the power to inspire inner growth and connect us through a shared subconscious language.

Throughout history, certain metaphors have reappeared in literature, including transitioning from a caterpillar to a butterfly, awakening from the dream of reality, and moving from darkness to light. Other metaphors for change include the idea of a hallway, where we wait for new doors to open. It’s a space where we all find ourselves at some point, whether it’s because of a loved one’s death, a child leaving home, a new marriage, or unemployment.

Regardless of the metaphor you choose, making sense of your transition can help you navigate it more effectively and with greater ease. I have friends who use the door metaphor that says when one door closes another opens.

Doors can close in different ways. Some doors slam shut abruptly, such as losing a job, a loved one passing away, or experiencing a sudden illness. Other doors close slowly over time, like preparing for retirement or watching the last child leave home. Regardless of how they close, the door represents a permanent shift in one’s life.

Sometimes, we are the ones who close the door ourselves and step boldly or hesitantly into the hallway. This may involve ending a relationship, moving to a new city, starting a new career, or leaving a job without a backup plan. A significant change and a definitive closure mark the hallway.

At first, this change may feel like a profound loss or a sudden upheaval in life. However, change is the only way to make life better, and sometimes it requires leaving behind what was merely good.

Hallways can appear daunting and intimidating. We may resist them and avoid them, spending more energy than it would take to move through them. But with time, we come to realize that hallways are spaces of transformation and growth, and they often lead to a better and more fulfilling life.

Life is unpredictable and we may find ourselves in difficult and unfamiliar situations, but it’s important to remember that we have the power to create our own experiences and navigate through those challenges. It’s easy to get stuck in the hallway of uncertainty, but it’s essential to embrace change and trust the process of inner transformation. With self-belief, guidance, and support, we can find the courage and strength to open the next door and discover new opportunities and insights. It’s crucial to turn inward and search for clarity and guidance within us, and no matter what believe in yourself. And remember: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always.

Life can change in a moment:

I was talking to a retired lawyer at a workshop and he was telling me his life story and he casually mentioned that he had survived a fire and that as a result of that fire, he had burns over 40% of his body. He went on to explain that the hardest part of his recovery was how to regain the use of his hands. Those of you who have followed me for years know that in 2014 my wife had a brain aneurysm and that at that moment I realized how life can change so quickly. The lawyer I talked to had a life-changing moment and was able to talk about it without being bitter.

I had experienced transitions when I retired and over my career,  I had brought about some major changes and I thought I had embraced the concept that change seems to be the only thing that is inevitable. But until you face life-changing issues or death the concept of change is abstract. Some events are planned while others come out of nowhere and smack us in the head. I know that lives can change at a moment’s notice. Yet nothing can prepare you for a fire, a car accident, or a catastrophic medical event. 

How well we respond to the events is I think one of the chief determinants of how well you savour life. In my life and in the retired lawyer's life the events we experienced made us stronger not more fearful. We both were very lucky as we had a wealth of people who would and did support us in our time of need. Not everyone has this luxury of a strong support group and have to face new and sometimes terrifying situations alone. My hope is that these unforeseen situations make you more effective not more afraid. More altruistic not more self-absorbed. More welcoming not more careful.

If a person does not have a strong support group then they need strong coping skills as they face the life-changing event and transition to the other side. It may be cliche to say but even after the most horrific tragedy life goes on and those who have the best coping skills, and are the most emotionally resilient, bounce back from disappointment or traumatic events and find new opportunities.  

Life is a range of transformations. We experience these changes in our careers, businesses, families, relationships, finances, and even our health. Each change requires us to go through a psychological process to come to terms with our new situation. According to William Bridges, the process of change and transition has three stages all require an emotional resiliency. The stages he uses are endings, the neutral zone, and new beginnings. 

If you are fortunate to know what changes you are up against then you can prepare for the change. If it is an unexpected change, such as a fire or a medical emergency then you cannot begin to prepare properly, but you can take steps to cope. Think of an upcoming life event including the unthinkable ones (death of a spouse, medical emergency, car accident, etc)  or one you are dealing with now. Write down every relevant question, concern, and possible consequence. You have to get them out of your head and on to paper. For example: What’s my greatest fear? What’s the potential financial impact? Where will the money come from? What resources or expertise could help me with this situation? Whom do I know who has been through this and what can I learn from that person?

The process of thinking through these questions will give you the confidence to respond when the time comes. Proactive thinking puts you in a different headspace even when the situation turns out far differently than what you anticipated.