Time for some humour

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 
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The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with " is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss" not sounding anything like my name, so I said who is calling? The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband Powered Freezer company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he calling this number? I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood" then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. 

I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. 

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position at his workplace and the police were entering the building to take him into custody, at that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. 

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. 

My meal was cold, but after what I had pulled, very enjoyable.
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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? 
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A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. 

I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. 

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. 

As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I  didn't know they had to be baptized."
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Today in History

Every day is interesting and has history, so for fun, lets look at this day in history On July 22, in

1099 First Crusade: Godfrey of Bouillon is elected the first Defender of the Holy Sepulchre of The Kingdom of Jerusalem.

1376 - The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 1456 Battle at Nandorfehervar (Belgrade): Hungarian army under Janos Hunyadi beats sultan Murad II

1515 First Congress of Vienna settles issues between Poland & Holy Roman Empire - rise of the Habsburgs influence

1587 - A second English colony was established on Roanoke Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under mysterious circumstances. 

1796 - Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 

1798 - The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797. 

1812 - English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 

1926 - Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying at 250 feet. 

1933 - Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes. 

1937 - The U.S. Senate rejected President Roosevelt's proposal to add more justices to the Supreme Court. 

1943 - American forces led by General George S. Patton captured Palermo, Sicily. 

1941 - Plans for the Pentagon were presented to the House Subcommittee on Appropriations. 

1942 Warsaw Ghetto Jews (300,000) are sent to Treblinka extermination Camp

1955 - U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon chaired a cabinet meeting in Washington. It was the first time that a Vice-President had carried out the task. 

1963 Sarawak achieves independence from British colonial rule

1965 - "Till Death Us Do Part" debuted on England’s BBC-TV. 

1975 - Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress. 

1987 - The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from possible attack by Iran. 

1998 - Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching Israel or Saudi Arabia. 

2000 - Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 

2003 - In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 

2003 - In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no injuries were reported. 

2004 - The September 11 commission's final report was released. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our government." The report was released to White House officials the day before. 

2009 - The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 

2011 - Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final flight of NASA's space shuttle program.

2011 Norway is the victim of twin terror attacks, the first being a bomb blast which targeted government buildings in central Oslo, the second being a massacre at a youth camp on the island of Utøya.