Planning a get together for a person with dementia, some tips

I have a friend who has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and so as his illness gets worth, I and his friends are finding out all we can to help him. One of the ways is to have a get together to create wonderful traditions and lasting memories. How can you make these get-togethers more inclusive and successful when someone has dementia? Follow these tips offered by Dr. Heather Palmer, National Director of Cognitive Well-Being at Amica, where team members support residents as well as their families.

Pick a good time of day

People with cognitive impairments such as dementia have peak times when they’re most alert. Pay attention to when the person is at their best. If the person has more focus during the day, you might try hosting a birthday lunch instead of dinner. They’re more likely to be engaged, better able to cope and less likely to be tired or show behaviours.

This way, you get to spend time with them when they are happy and laughing rather than agitated and frustrated. Consider the impact of medications on mood or energy level and plan accordingly.

Consider the space

Laughter, conversation and music are signs of a great party, but these and other sounds can be very distracting to someone with dementia. If the gathering space is large and it’s too much for them, plan on having a second, quieter room where they can sit while a few people go in at a time to engage with them. Be prepared to move furniture or people around if the noise bothers him.

Keep the family informed

Designate one family member to take the lead on monitoring your loved one at the party. You might consider establishing signals if the person starts to get agitated: One person takes the lead and if, for example, they raise a hand, it means the kids are too chaotic and it’s time to move them. If the lead person suggests someone go for a walk, they’re trying to redirect a conversation that they may see is upsetting. Let everyone know that the lead family member isn’t bossing people around, they’re trying to make the event pleasant for everyone.

Practice good communication

Plan ahead: bring conversation topics, old stories and mementos that may help them reminisce, such as photographs, books, hobbies, etc. Visuals are great to support your questions and stories, but resist the temptation to ask, “Do you remember this…?”

In conversation, try to simplify your language, wait for a response and don’t hesitate to repeat a question. Through conversation and photos, see if you can reveal where your loved one sees herself in time. If your friend believes she’s 19 and getting ready for a date, agree with her and run with it. “Living in their moment is important, correcting their mistakes can impact their dignity, make them lose confidence in the interaction and lead to social retreat.

At the end of life

Neurologists say Dementia should be called "failure of the brain," because the other names are nebulous and do not show the severity of the disease to most people. As the patient's brain slowly dies, they change physically, lose the ability to speak, and the caregivers are often in shock and exhausted.

Patients will end up bedridden, unable to move, and unable to eat or drink. But it is the different phases beforehand that are just as painful. The day they suddenly forget how to dress, and become confused or combative when you try to fix the clothing, they've put on backwards. When they repeatedly ask where their life-long mate is or where their children are while looking straight at them. When they are confused, angry, or frightened, it is because they are still partially aware of who they were, yet are that person no longer.

There will be people who will not read this because dementia has not touched them. They do not know what it is to fight or to have a loved who leads a battle against dementia. For all the men and women l know, who have lived a battle against dementia, are still struggling, or have lost the battle please remember that dementia and Alzheimer ‘s as yet has no cure, but the hope is that day will come sooner than later.

Little Johnny's Back

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but l wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate'."

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her breasts are so big she can only fasten eight!"

The teacher sat down and cried.

For those of us who write here are some tips that I have found useful

1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid clichés like the plague. They're old hat.

4. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

5. Be more or less specific.

6. Writers should never generalize.

7. Be consistent!

8. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary. It's highly superfluous.

9. Who needs rhetorical questions?

10. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Change your point of view

The following was posted by Allan Passos and I thought it was very interesting and timely. This picture is real and was not edited, the stone is real, the trees are real, the soil is real and the sky is real.

 

This looks like an unbelievable shot, but there is no trick here, there is no special editing nothing was done to make the image appear this way. When I first saw the picture, I was amazed and then confused, I wondered how did the photographer make this stone become suspended in mid-air I suspect you may be wondering the same thing as I did.

To see the picture as it should be all you have to do is to change your point of view.

You see! Our reality is what we make it, sometimes the situation is not so bad as you think it is, but because of your point of view (your vision) things is out of perspective with the reality of things.

We sometimes get caught thinking all is not well in our world as our perception of events is not the reality of what is happening. Take the time to step back and look at the world through a different perspective, which may mean that you have to turn your world upside down to see what is really happening. Easier said than done, of course. 

Turning your world upside down may mean starting by questioning the assumptions you believe. Retirement is a time for renewal and a time to start to question your assumptions and your reality. For over 40 years your reality has been shaped around work, family and leisure. When you retire your reality will be shaped by leisure and family and maybe work. Accepting that fact means that you are on the first step to turning your world upside down.

Here are two more pics that show that turning your world upside down can lead to some interesting ideas.