New years Resolutions have you met your or have you relapsed?

We are living in dangerous times but at the beginning of the year, we were looking forward to a new and bright future. Many of us made new years resolutions to help us plan for a better year or a better us. With all of the uncertainty around us maybe it is time to try to focus and get back to some semblance of normalcy. Time to look at your new year's resolutions.

The fact is that almost everyone who started off 2020 with strong goals has by now given up. The fact is that we all relapse and can fall back into old habits. Here are some ideas on how to get back on track

Remember we all relapse, but it is not done all at once, it could be the result of a drawn-out process. For me it happened when I travelled to Australia over Xmas, I slowed down by reducing my daily exercise routine to once every two days, then three days, then once a week. I fell out of exercise slowly and then stopped. No excuses. There are many reasons why you may slow down on trying to achieve whatever goals you have. These could be the Coronavirus, or other Illnesses, vacation, holidays, changes at work or any other change in your schedule are all things that’ll get you off the wagon. 

There comes a point after you stop working toward your goals that you simply throw your hands up in the air and give in. It may be a dramatic moment or it could be a decision that the goal is not worth pursuing and over time you convince yourself that you cannot achieve it anyway.

Surrender is the most destructive part of the cycle. You remove all expectations from yourself and as a result, you plummet into an unhealthy stream of thought. The progress that you’ve made toward your goals is lost and you lose faith in yourself.

Inevitably there comes the moment when you hit bottom. This is a sobering moment when you see what you’ve allowed yourself to become, and you don’t like it one bit. Negative, defeated thoughts run through your mind. While hitting the bottom is never a fun experience, it is a necessary one. The pain of your failure, must become great enough for you to turn it around and take the control back.

Now comes the good part. When you hit bottom you were out of control, now you’re ready to once again grab the reigns. You’re ready to put yourself back onto your priority list. Now is the time to set specific goals for yourself that are realistic and within a set timeframe. Now get to work, reclaim your self-esteem, your freedom and your life.

  

Remember, life will always give you an excuse to stop working towards your goals – it’s up to you to fight back for what you truly want.

Life in uncertain times

Life is surely uncertain now; we don't know what's happening or we don't think we do, these changes upset us in our body, mind and soul. Why is uncertainty so unsettling? We are creatures of habit, we are used to routine and order in our lives. We expect our lives to unfold in certain ways and for the most part, they do.  But as the Coronavirus moves around the world, killing more and more of us it is all we can do is keep calm and carry on. But we are social animals and I believe we need to be around people and we want to help others if we can.

So, what can we do to help as individuals and how can we help our community? Well, first of all, it’s essential to be informed not from FaceBook but from credible sources, it is also important not to be overcome by the information we receive. 

What sells in media is fear, so watching the news all day is not good for you. Credible media plays a role to help us understand what is going on and keeping us informed. We need to remember that what sells papers or gets viewership is fear. So watch daily briefings by government officials if they occur in your jurisdiction. In Canada, we are lucky that the Federal and Provincial governments are updating the public on a daily basis. Don't watch the news commentators who will interpret the news in the worst light to get readership or keep viewers.

Some ideas that might help you keep your stress down that work for me:

I’m minimizing exposure to drama in the media and in conversations with other people. Look for the best in people and stay in the now and not panic about what if's.

The reality of the situation is all around us so I find it is vital to surround myself with positive energy and try to maintain positive thoughts. I do this by watching predictable movies and reruns of shows I like and I am reading a lot more than I did before. You could watch a funny movie, cat videos, uplifting interviews, speak on the phone or through facetime with people you know who are positive; 

You know it is important to stay connected with each other; with so many options available, you can stay “in community,” virtually without having to be irresponsible. I am in the "elderly cohort, but I don't feel like it. I always assume that someone who is elderly is at least 10 years older than I am. But there are people my age who are our vulnerable, so if you want to help reach out, call them to see how they are and ask if they need help if you can help then do so.

There are a lot of people who believe me want to help but don't know how, so I suggest that you reach out and ask for help if you need it

So as much as I am using online ordering, electronic banking & all the delivery services out there while I continue to self-isolate. If I go out, I make sure that I am physically 6 feet or 2 metres away from others.

Eat or maintain a healthy diet, which means minimal refined carbohydrates, especially sugar, which weakens the immune system.

I don't do yoga, but I have been learning how to use breathing to calm myself. Some of you may meditate to help calm yourself, and there are those of you who might want to learn to meditate to calm your thoughts and your body.

Finally, be grateful for people on the front lines of this virus, be grateful for their service and courage. I’m grateful for them. See the best in others, fear is funny it can make us forget that we are all in this together, and it can make forget that the right thing is always to be kind toward yourself and everyone else. Be well; live well. Be kind.

What do we carry?

If you are strong, I believe you have an obligation to help those of us who are weaker than you. if you have the strength of body, mind or of character, you have an obligation to help those who are not as strong as you are. The strong carry the weak, in my world, they do not bully coerce or take advantage of them.

If you are rich, remember that our society helped you get or stay rich. Our education system provided you with the opportunities to learn or the opportunity to tap in and learn from people that were/are smatter than you. Our taxes helped build the infrastructure that your business uses to get goods to market, our system of laws helps protect your wealth. So, in my world, the rich carry the poor. If you are healthy and happy, and you know people who are sick and sad, you have a responsibility to help them. Sick and sad people may not be able to look out for themselves. So, in my world, the sick, carry the sick, and the happy carry the sad. 

Why do or should we help, because at some point in our life, we were weak, sick, sad or poor and we were helped by others? Whether or not we remember, this was once our promise, to thank those who had carried us. 

Stress and care giving

To make the stress of caregiving more acute, in many cases neither the caregiver or the one being cared for like the job or volunteered for it.  The senior citizen receiving the help is often hostile, resistant to the necessary changes that the caregiver must implement and sometimes downright disagreeable.  Because this is probably your mom or dad you are taking care of, there are those trained reactions you have to them that when they say what goes, that’s what goes.  But now you are the caregiver and they are in the role of the one who must obey.  That reversal of roles is hard for both parent and child to get used to.

The stresses come from the elderly senior citizen, from expectations of other siblings and even from your own high set of standards.  You may have the attitude that “nothing but the best is good enough for my mommy or daddy”.  And while that sounds good in a toast, being a caregiver is all about compromise.  They may deserve your attention 24/7 but realistically if you can drop by an hour a day and then spend the rest of your day taking care of your job, your kids, your spouse, your housework and, oh yes, yourself, that is probably a reasonable expectation.

So right up front, it’s good to recognize that as you settle into the job of primary caregiver for an ageing parent, there is going to be an increase in stress in your life.  Stress has been identified as one of the big causes of physical and mental health problems for adults.  Some stress in life is expected and is good for us.  But when stress begins to overwhelm you, you can go through a decline of your own health that is not good for you, the one you are caring for or anyone in your family either.

For the family of the caregiver, you have some caregiving to do yourselves.  That one person is on the forward line of a struggle that really the whole family should be involved with.  If you live far from your parents and your brother or sister is doing the careering, be aware of the stress they are under and be supportive.  You can do all you can to help out to take some of the stress off.  Perhaps you can coordinate with the other distant siblings and relatives to call your parents regularly and take some of the relationship pressure off of the caregiver sibling.

Above all, if you have suggestions for the caregiver, give them in love and without “nagging”.  That a sibling is painfully aware that she is carrying the load for the whole family so communicate your support and gratefulness and that your suggestions are meant only for mom or dads good, not to criticize the hard work your sibling is doing.