Time for some humour

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 
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The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with " is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss" not sounding anything like my name, so I said who is calling? The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband Powered Freezer company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he calling this number? I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood" then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. 

I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. 

The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position at his workplace and the police were entering the building to take him into custody, at that point I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. 

My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. 

My meal was cold, but after what I had pulled, very enjoyable.
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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? 
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A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. 

I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. 

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. 

As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I  didn't know they had to be baptized."
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Enlightenment

Enlightenment means that you know your own pure nature, the exact nature of the world, and the goal and purpose of life. Achieving this understanding is the greatest possible peace for a human.

For thousands of years, the path to enlightenment has been made up of many steps that evolve and change depending on which path you believe. The path could be Buddhist, Hindu, Zen, Kabbalist, Pantheistic, Wiccan, New Age, Cosmically Conscious, Galactic – the list goes on and on. Here are two paths to consider:

The first is the eight steps or paths of Buddhism. In this system a person follows these eight divisions of the path will achieve spiritual enlightenment and cease suffering:

• Right understanding: Understanding that the Four Noble Truths are noble and true.
• Right thought: Determining and resolving to practice Buddhist faith.
• Right speech: Avoiding slander, gossip, lying, and all forms of untrue and abusive speech.
• Right conduct: Adhering to the idea of nonviolence (ahimsa), as well as refraining from any form of stealing or sexual impropriety.
• Right means of making a living: Not slaughtering animals or working at jobs that force you to violate others.
• Right mental attitude or effort: Avoiding negative thoughts and emotions, such as anger and jealousy.
• Right mindfulness: Having a clear sense of one’s mental state and bodily health and feelings.
• Right concentration: Using meditation to reach the highest level of enlightenment.

The second is the 5 stages of Awakening 
1. The Awakening
You may find yourself experiencing a synchronistic moment that unlocks something that was hidden within you: a remembering happens that gives you a broader understanding of your path, purpose and potential in this life. 
2. The Alarm Clock
After you have found yourself awake, you begin to view life before your awakening as though it was just a dream. It becomes impossible to understand how you ever lived with a different point of view, and relating to others still stuck in that mindset becomes very frustrating. You may find that those who are sleeping are not ready to be woken up, and would prefer to hit the “snooze button.”
3. The Purge
As you are devouring a whole new set of programming, knowledge, and understanding – you may find yourself wanting to “purge” all of the information you are learning. The best way to facilitate an awakening for others is to lead by example. 
4. Acceptance
The quote by Manly P. Hall stating, “experiences are the chemicals with which the philosopher experiments,” is the key to acceptance. No matter how much you learn, devour, remember, and appreciate – the only way to integrate all of what you are experiencing in your evolution of consciousness is to experience it in your three-dimensional reality. 
5. Understanding/ Enlightenment
When the awakening first happened you may have found that you felt an extremely strong need to put a name to the new spiritual you have acquired. When your understanding of spirit is fully integrated, you come to realize that to be truly enlightened, you do not need a label or to be named. 



Most commonly when you begin this path it begins with an awareness of misunderstandings that lead to pain, the pain then leads to growth, growth leads to clarity, clarity leads to fun, fun leads to joy, and joy leads to true illumination. May I recommend skipping to the fun part?

Ever wondered?

From time to time, I have sat back and wondered why I was so hard on myself when I did not demand the same from others. I wonder if we forget the unimaginable depth of the great love we were born of and if we realize or understand how much more our lives have been made possible by others.

Others, who will follow if we give of ourselves and demand more of ourselves than we do of them.  Having said that I do believe that from time to time we should cut ourselves a bit more slack, smell more flowers, and hold more hands. Live life in appreciation of the love that we were born with and meant to share. 

What is an RRSP?

Many of in Canada have heard of or think we know about Registered Retirement Saving Plan’s (RRSP), but many of us do not really know very much, as RRSP’s can be quite complex.

A recent poll showed 39 percent of Canadians believe that RRSPs are pointless because you’ll pay back all of the savings in taxes anyway. Although you do pay taxes on RRSP withdrawals, most investors will pay less tax and end up farther ahead by putting this money into an RRSP since their income in retirement will be less than while they’re working.

Even if you pay the same tax rate during retirement as you do while working, your “worst case” is getting the same net amount as you would with a Tax Free Savings Account so you’d get a similar tax-free rate of return.

All other things being equal, an RRSP contribution is typically better than a TFSA one (better equals you’ll have more money net in your pocket in retirement) if you’re income will be lower during retirement. RRSP vs TFSA will be a wash if you expect to be in the same tax bracket during retirement and the TFSA option will generally win out if your income is expected to be higher.

One big catch is what you do with the tax refund you receive after making the RRSP contribution – if you re-invest the refund into the RRSP you end up taking full advantage of the program’s features but if you use the refund to go on a trip or go shopping, you’re really missing the point.

Many people feel that they don’t have enough money left at the end of the year to put some aside in an RRSP. While balancing a budget is certainly challenging, you really can’t afford to not put money away.

While paying off debt is often at the top of the priority list for many Canadians, doing so in place of saving for retirement doesn’t always make sense. High-interest debt such as credit cards should take priority, but neglecting your retirement savings in favour of paying extra onto a mortgage is often the wrong move depending on your unique circumstances.

There is an unwarranted concern by many of saving too much money in an RRSP since they fear a large tax bill when they die. While the market value of your RRSP or RRIF does, in fact, need to be included as income on your terminal tax return, there are numerous exceptions.

Your RRSP value can potentially be rolled over to a surviving spouse, a financially dependent child or grandchild or an RDSP (disability) savings plan. More likely, you will draw down on your RRSP values over many years of retirement.

Many (most?) Canadians still don’t fully understand the tax consequences and planning opportunities that exist with the RRSP program. Don’t let unfounded RRSP myths or advice from un-informed people keep you from maximizing your RRSP savings opportunities.

And don’t allow missing this year’s “deadline” (March 2) keep you from getting your retirement savings plans in order. You can start to get on track at any time of the year.

Given that we don’t know much about RRSP the following question and answer found on a site for new Canadians may be worth reading.

Question: What are RRSPs and why are they beneficial? Do I need to set up RRSPs in order to be financially successful in Canada or are there other, better, immigrant-friendly options for me to go with since I am new to the country?

Answer: RRSPs or Registered Retirement Savings Plans are another unique Canadian financial tool that helps you plan for your future retirement. Within an RRSP you can hold a wide variety of investments including cash, mutual funds, stocks, bonds etc. An RRSP is registered with the Canada Revenue Agency and has two key advantages: 

1. Contributions made to your RRSP are tax-deductible. This means an RRSP contribution reduces your total income used to calculate taxes owed when you complete your annual tax return.
2. Investment earnings are tax-deferred. This means your investment earnings can grow over time and are only taxed when you withdraw from the plan — usually at retirement. 

While RRSPs reduce the amount of tax payable to the government, there’s a limit on how much you can contribute each year.  Your maximum contribution is generally 18 percent of the amount that you earned from employment during the previous year, up to a specified dollar maximum set by the government.  After your first year of filing a tax return in Canada, your annual Notice of Assessment from the Canada Revenue Agency will outline your maximum RRSP contribution.

The main purpose of an RRSP is to help save for your retirement. But the government also allows you to use those funds for other important life goals such as buying a home or for the post-secondary education of you or your spouse.

  

Ask your financial institution for more details on how you can use an RRSP to plan for retirement, education or buying a home.