Retirement a road to discovery

I have written about preparing for retirement since 2010, and I have spent considerable time exploring the emotional adjustment that comes with this major life transition. When we retire, many of us leave behind an identity that has been shaped by our work, our responsibilities, and the roles we have proudly carried for decades. The challenge, and the opportunity, is discovering who we want to become in this next chapter. When I retired, I gave it about 10 minutes of consideration. My wife had decided to retire after a two-year medical issue. Once she was fully recovered, she decided to retire. She told me, I thought it would be a good idea, so I wrote my retirement letter and gave it to HR on the same day. I still had five years to go before I was eligible for full retirement. So, I did not think about, longevity, money, or who I wanted to become in the next chapter. Four years later, I realized that I had missed some important conversations with myself, I started to have them. I started this blog for many reasons, and one is to encourage others to have these important conversations before they retire. Don’t make my mistakes.

The experts spend so much time asking whether we have saved enough money for retirement that we are rarely asked whether we have prepared ourselves for the person we are about to become. I believe that is the conversation we need to start having.

This chapter of life is not defined by decline. It is defined by possibility. Retirement is the first time many of us have the freedom to separate who we are from what we did. That freedom can feel unsettling at first. After years of schedules, deadlines, and responsibilities, having unlimited choices can almost feel overwhelming. But uncertainty is often the beginning of transformation, not a sign that something has gone wrong.

The most meaningful preparation for the years ahead will not be found only in another financial projection or retirement calculator. It will come from asking ourselves deeper questions:

What brings me joy now that I have more time?

What interests or dreams have I postponed?

How do I want to contribute and make a difference?

What relationships do I want to strengthen?

What new experiences do I want to explore?

The conversation about retirement needs to move beyond "Can I afford to retire?" and include "How do I want to live when I retire?"

We don’t simply retire from the lives we’ve built. If we are willing to be curious, embrace change, and redefine success on our own terms, we have the opportunity to finally meet the person we have been waiting to become.

Many of us avoid retirement conversations because they think they need to have all the answers. Instead, encourage curiosity.

A few conversation starters:

For couples:

• "When we retire, what do we hope our days will look like?"
• "What are three things we want more time for?"
• "What parts of our current routine will we miss?"
• "How will we create purpose when work is no longer filling our calendar?"

For friends approaching retirement:

• "What are you looking forward to most?"
• "What is something you've always wanted to try?"
• "How do you want people to describe this next chapter of your life?"
• "What do you want retirement to give you that working life couldn't?"

For individuals:

• "Beyond financial security, what does a successful retirement look like for me?"
• "What parts of myself have I neglected while building my career?"
• "What legacy do I want to continue creating?"

Once method of preparing for retirement is to take a "retirement rehearsal." Before leaving work, take a few weeks or months and experiment: volunteer somewhere, take a class, reconnect with friends, explore a hobby, or change your daily routine. Retirement should not be a cliff we step off, it should be a bridge we begin building before we cross it.

The real question is not "What am I retiring from?" but "What am I retiring to?" Ask the questions befoe you retire, you will save time. It took me six years of an interesting journey before I felt I had found what I needed. 

 

Happy October! Don't forget the Foodbank!

 May your coffee stay hot, your pumpkin pie have extra whipped cream, your golf ball avoid the leaves, and your laughter echo louder than any ghost.

October is one of my favourite months. The air is crisp, the trees put on a spectacular show of colour, families gather around Thanksgiving tables, and we are reminded of just how much we have to be grateful for.

Gratitude, however, is more than counting our blessings. It is also about sharing them.

While many of us will enjoy a traditional Thanksgiving dinner  this upcoming weekend,  thousands of our neighbours will quietly wonder how they will put food on the table this month. Rising grocery prices have made life difficult for young families, seniors living on fixed incomes, and people facing unexpected hardships. More and more people are turning to their local food bank for help.

That's where each of us can make a difference.

You don't have to donate a truckload of groceries to change someone's day. A few cans of soup, a jar of peanut butter, a box of cereal, pasta, rice, canned vegetables, or other non-perishable items can help someone enjoy a meal they might otherwise have gone without.

But there is another important way to help: cash donations.

Many people don't realize that financial donations are incredibly valuable to food banks. With donated dollars, food banks can often purchase food in larger quantities, take advantage of wholesale pricing, and buy the items that are most urgently needed. A dollar donated can often provide more food than a dollar spent at the grocery store.

Cash also gives food banks the flexibility to respond quickly when needs change. Whether it is helping more families during difficult times, providing fresh produce, or filling gaps in their shelves, financial support allows them to make every donation go further.

One bag of groceries or one financial gift may not seem like much.

To someone who is struggling, it can mean hope.

As we admire the beauty of autumn and gather with those we love, let's also remember those whose tables may be a little emptier this year.

This October, when you're doing your grocery shopping, consider picking up one or two extra items for your local food bank. If you're able, make a financial contribution. Your generosity—whether it comes in a grocery bag or an envelope—helps ensure that more people in our community have enough to eat.

October reminds us that nature is generous. Trees share their beauty without expecting anything in return. Perhaps we can do the same.

May your coffee stay hot, your pie be delicious, your golf ball stay out of the leaves, and may your generosity warm someone's heart long after the Thanksgiving leftovers are gone.

October Smiles

 A Month of Fall, Thanksgiving and Halloween Humour

Here are 31 light-hearted one-liners to brighten every day of October.

October 1
Say what you want about morticians, they'll be the last people to ever let you down.

October 2
Autumn leaves are proof that it's perfectly okay to let go and still look beautiful.

October 3
I told my rake we were taking the day off. It gave me the silent treatment.

October 4
Retirement is the only job where every day can be Casual Friday.
Retirement is when every day is Saturday...
Until you realize it's Monday because everyone else is at work.

October 5
I love October. It's the one month when even spiders become home decorators.

October 6
My neighbour said he was making pumpkin pie from scratch. I asked, "How did you get the pumpkin to hold the pencil?"

I tried to organize my books by colour. Now I can't find anything, but the bookshelf looks fabulous.

October 7
The older I get, the more I appreciate elastic waistbands. They're the true heroes of Thanksgiving.
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.
He said, "Stop going to those places."

October 8
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see Thanksgiving leftovers, I eat them.

October 9
The trees are getting undressed for winter.
At least someone still has a seasonal wardrobe.

Leaves spend all year growing just so they can show off in October.

October 10 – Thanksgiving Eve
Tomorrow we'll count our blessings. The day after, we'll count the leftovers.

October 11 – Canadian Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving, the annual reminder that the turkey isn't the only one getting stuffed.

October 12
If calories disappeared with the leftovers, Thanksgiving would be a perfect holiday.

October 13
I tried to burn off my Thanksgiving dinner. Now the smoke alarm won't stop congratulating me.

October 14
Autumn is nature's way of saying, "Slow down... winter is coming."

October 15
I swept the leaves yesterday. Today they held a family reunion.

October 16
The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field. He was also very down-to-earth.

October 17
Golf in October teaches patience. Every lost ball is either under leaves or in Canada.

October 18
October teaches us that change can be colourful.

October 19
The pumpkin told the squash, "Don't worry, we're both a little seedy."

October 20
I asked my wife if we needed another pumpkin. She said, "Of course, we don't have one in the bathroom."

October 21
My favourite exercise is carrying bags of Halloween candy from the store. After that, I deserve a nap.

October 22
Ghosts make terrible liars. You can see right through them.

October 23
The skeleton skipped the party because he had nobody to go with.

October 24
Why don't witches wear flat shoes? Because someone has to keep the pointy hat company.

October 25
The vampire became a librarian because he loved checking out good circulation.

October 26
The mummy called in sick. He was all wrapped up in something.

October 27
Never trust a ghost who says, "I'll be there in a minute."

October 28
The broom got promoted because it always swept the competition.

October 29
Monsters are just people who haven't had enough coffee.

October 30
Halloween is the only day when knocking on strangers' doors for candy is considered good manners.

October 31 – Halloween
As we get older, Halloween changes. We no longer worry about things that go bump in the night, we worry about getting up twice to go to the bathroom.
Remember...
You're never too old to dress up for Halloween.
Just tell everyone you're going as your younger self.

Happy October! May your coffee stay hot, your pumpkin pie have extra whipped cream, your golf ball avoid the leaves, and your laughter echo louder than any ghost.

When Someone with Dementia Says, "I'm Fine"

 One of the hardest moments for a caregiver is hearing these words:

"I don't need any help."

"You worry too much."

"I can do it myself."

If your loved one is living with dementia and also has anosognosia, arguing probably won't change their mind.

Not because they are being difficult.

Because their brain cannot recognize what has changed.

Once we understand that, we can stop trying to convince them and start looking for better ways to communicate.

Here are a few approaches that experienced dementia caregivers have found helpful.

Don't argue, redirect.

Instead of saying, "You've already eaten lunch."

Try saying, "How about we have a little snack together?"

The goal isn't to prove you're right. It's to keep everyone calm.

Avoid correcting every mistake.

If a small misunderstanding won't cause harm, sometimes it's kinder to let it pass. Saving your loved one's dignity is often more important than winning an argument.

Step into their world.

If your father believes he needs to leave for work, rather than insisting he retired twenty years ago, try asking about his job or suggesting, "Before you go, let's have a cup of tea."

Often the anxiety passes.

Offer choices instead of commands.

People like to feel they still have control.

Instead of, "You need to take a shower."

Try, "Would you like your shower before breakfast or after?"

A simple choice can make all the difference.

Take care of yourself, too.

Caregiving is rewarding, but it is also exhausting. Accept help when it is offered. Attend support groups. Take advantage of respite programs. Enjoy activities like our Musical Café, where both caregivers and those living with dementia can relax, socialize, and simply enjoy being together.

Most importantly, remember this.

Your loved one is not giving you a hard time.

They are having a hard time.

When we understand that their brain is changing, we become a little more patient, a little more compassionate, and a little more willing to meet them where they are instead of expecting them to return to where they once were.

Sometimes the greatest act of caregiving isn't correcting someone.

It's helping them feel safe, respected, and loved.

If you're caring for someone living with dementia, what communication strategy has worked best for you? Your experience may encourage another caregiver who needs it today.