Don't Take No for an Answer, Until You Know Who Is Saying It

 Here is a piece of advice I wish someone had given me years ago:

Don't take a “no” from someone who isn't empowered to give you a “yes.”

That doesn't mean you should become pushy, rude or demanding. It doesn't mean you should argue with the person standing behind the counter or make someone's day miserable because you didn't get the answer you wanted.

It means something much simpler.

Learn to ask, “Is there someone else I could speak with about this?”

There is a big difference between “No” and “I can't.”

The person you are talking to may not actually be the person making the decision. They may simply be following a policy, a procedure or instructions they have been given.

They may be telling you what they have been told to tell you.

That doesn't necessarily mean the answer is wrong. It simply means you may not have reached the person who can make the decision.

I was reminded of this recently while waiting in a medical office for a blood test.

There was a lineup at the registration desk. While we were waiting, a man came into the office carrying a stool sample. He needed to hand it in.

Instead of joining the line, he walked toward the back of the area where the testing was being done and spoke with one of the workers.

She told him to wait in line.

He didn't argue.

He went to the counter and spoke with one of the nurses. She also told him to go back and wait in the line.

Still, he didn't argue.

He simply went to another clerk.

That clerk listened to him, checked his information and took his sample.

Problem solved.

There was something else about this man that caught my attention.

He was 92 years old.

And he didn't look like someone who had spent his life accepting the first “no” he heard.

I don't know whether he understood the system better than the rest of us, whether he had done this before, or whether he simply figured there had to be another way.

But I admired his persistence.

He didn't yell.

He didn't complain.

He didn't tell the workers they didn't know what they were doing.

He simply kept looking for someone who could help him.

There is an important lesson here for all of us, particularly as we get older.

Sometimes we become reluctant to challenge decisions.

We may think, “I don't want to make a fuss.”

Or “I don't want to bother anyone.”

Or perhaps we think, “That's just the way things are now.”

Sometimes that attitude is perfectly reasonable.

But sometimes it costs us.

It can mean missing out on something we are entitled to receive, failing to get the help we need, or accepting a decision simply because the first person we spoke to didn't know how to solve the problem.

This happens everywhere.

At a doctor's office.

At a government office.

At a bank.

With an insurance company.

At an airport.

Even when dealing with a business that has provided you with a service.

The first person you speak with may have limited authority.

They may be able to explain the rules but not change them.

That's when a polite question can make all the difference:

“I understand. Is there someone who has the authority to make an exception or review this decision?”

Or:

“Who would be the best person for me to speak with about this?”

Notice the difference.

You're not demanding.

You're not attacking the person.

You're simply trying to find the right door.

And sometimes that door leads to a yes.

Of course, persistence has limits.

If you eventually reach the person who has the authority to make the decision and they say no, you may have to accept it.

But at least then you know you have reached the right person.

And if the answer is still no, you can ask one more useful question:

“Could you explain why?”

Understanding the reason behind a decision can sometimes reveal another possibility. Perhaps there is an appeal process. Perhaps there is another program. Perhaps you need different documentation. Perhaps you simply misunderstood the rule.

The goal isn't to get your way every time.

The goal is to make sure you don't give up simply because the first person you meet says no.

There is a fine line between being persistent and being a pain in the neck.

We should stay on the right side of that line.

Be respectful. Be patient. Listen. Thank the person for trying to help.

But don't be afraid to say, “Who else could I talk to?”

That 92-year-old man at the blood-testing clinic gave me a wonderful reminder.

At 92, he wasn't looking for an argument.

He was looking for a solution.

Perhaps that's the attitude we should all carry with us as we get older.

Don't fight the system. Learn how to navigate it.

Don't accept “no” simply because someone without the authority to say “yes” gave you one.

Ask another question.

Find another door.

And if you finally reach the person who can make the decision and the answer is still no, then you know where you stand.

Sometimes the most important thing isn't getting a yes.

It's making sure you asked the right person for one

Never Assume You Can Do It the Same Way Again

One of the great benefits of getting older is experience.

We have been around the block a few times. We have travelled, bought houses, driven across the country, renewed passports, gone through airports, booked hotels and crossed borders. We have learned how things work.

And that experience is valuable.

But there is a trap hiding inside it.

We can begin to think, “I’ve done this before. I know how it works.”

That may have been true six months ago.

It may not be true today.

Travel is a perfect example.

You might have flown to Florida last winter. You arrived at the airport, checked your bags, went through security and boarded the plane without a problem. So, when you plan the same trip this year, you might assume you know exactly what to do.

But airports change. Airlines change. Security procedures change. Baggage rules change. Flights are cancelled or moved. Check-in procedures change. Technology changes. Entry requirements change. Borders change.

Even the neighbourhood where you are staying may have changed.

The restaurant you loved might be gone. The hotel may have changed ownership. The bus route may have changed. That little grocery store around the corner may have closed.

Your memory says, “I know this place.”

Reality may be saying, “Welcome back. Things have changed.”

And sometimes technology has a particularly nasty way of reminding us of this lesson.

I am experiencing that lesson right now.

My cell phone isn't working properly, and the solution may be to do a factory reset. If that happens, the phone will essentially be returned to the way it was when I first bought it. That means losing the information and data currently stored on it unless I can restore it from a backup.

I have spent years telling people, “Back up your important information.”

And to be fair, I do back up my information.

The problem?

The last time I backed up my phone to the cloud was about a month before the phone crashed.

Now I'm kicking myself.

Why didn't I back it up last week? Why didn't I do it yesterday? Why did I assume that because I had backed it up before, I was covered?

I wasn't.

The phone has given me a very personal reminder that doing something before isn't the same as doing it recently.

We learn from experience. Sometimes, unfortunately, we learn by making the mistake ourselves.

This isn't just about travel or cell phones.

Think about banking.

A few years ago, you might have walked into your bank, spoken to a teller and taken care of your business. Today, you may be encouraged to use an app, an ATM or an online service. The process has changed.

Think about health care.

The doctor, clinic or pharmacy you have used for years may have changed its procedures. Appointments may now be booked online. Forms may have to be completed electronically. New rules may have been introduced.

Think about driving.

A road you have driven for 20 years may now have a new traffic pattern, construction, a roundabout or a different speed limit.

There is a tendency as we get older to say, “I've been doing this all my life.”

And we have.

That's something to be proud of.

But the world doesn't stop changing simply because we have accumulated a lifetime of experience.

The trick isn't to throw away what we have learned. The trick is to combine experience with curiosity.

Your experience gives you a head start.

Curiosity keeps you from being left behind.

Before travelling, check the airline's current baggage and check-in requirements. Check your passport and entry requirements. Confirm your hotel reservation. Don't rely solely on what you remember from your last trip.

Before doing something, you haven't done for a while, ask a simple question:

“What has changed since the last time I did this?”

That one question can save you a lot of frustration.

It can save you money.

And, in some situations, it can keep you safe.

It can also save you from standing in an airport looking at a sign and wondering when they changed the rules!

So, the next time you are about to do something you have done many times before, pause for a moment.

Don't just ask, “How did I do this last time?”

Ask, “What's different this time?”

And perhaps add one more question, especially when technology is involved:

“When was the last time I backed this up?”

I know what I'm going to do when I get my phone working again.

I'm going to back it up.

And then I'm going to try very hard not to wait another month.

Because getting older gives us something very valuable: experience.

But staying curious makes sure that experience remains useful.

The goal isn't to know everything.

The goal is to keep learning enough to confidently find our way through whatever comes next.

Ready to Try AI? Here’s How to Get Started Try Google Gemini

If you already use Google services, you may want to try Gemini.

Step 1: Open your web browser

Open Chrome, Safari, Edge or another supported browser.

Step 2: Go to Gemini

Type:

gemini.google.com

into the address bar and press Enter.

You should arrive at the Gemini website.

Step 3: Sign in if necessary

Some Gemini features can be used without signing in, depending on your device and location.

If you want additional features and the ability to save your Gemini activity, you will need to sign in with a Google Account.

If you already use Gmail, you probably already have a Google Account.

Click Sign in and enter your Google email address and password when asked.

If you don't have a Google Account, you can create one by following Google's instructions on the screen.

Step 4: Ask your first question

Once Gemini is open, look for the box where you can enter a question.

Try:

“Give me five ideas for things I can do on a rainy afternoon.”

Then press Enter or click the Submit button.

Just as with ChatGPT, you can continue the conversation.

You could ask:

“Give me five more that I can do with a friend.”

Then:

“Which one would be the least expensive?”

And there you are. You are using AI.

One More Thing: Don't Be Afraid to Experiment

Your first question doesn't have to be important.

In fact, I recommend that it isn't.

Ask AI something you're curious about.

Ask it to explain something.

Ask it for a recipe.

Ask it for gardening advice.

Ask it to suggest a book.

Ask it to help plan a day trip.

You can even ask:

“What are five interesting things you can help me with?”

Then pick one and give it a try.

There is no test. Nobody is grading your questions.

And if you don't like the answer, tell it so.

Try saying:

“That's not what I was looking for. Try again.”

Or:

“Explain that in simpler language.”

Or:

“Give me three examples.”

That's how you learn.

Start with five minutes.

You don't have to become an AI expert. You simply need to discover whether this new tool can make something in your life a little easier, more interesting or more enjoyable.

And if you get stuck, ask a friend, grandchild, neighbour or someone at a local seniors' organization for help.

Technology is much less intimidating when someone is sitting beside you.

So, give it a try.

Open the browser.

Type chatgpt.com or gemini.google.com.

Ask one question.

You might be surprised where that first question takes you.

And if you want some help getting started, organizations such as the GLUU Society are there to help older adults become more comfortable with technology.

The future isn't something we have to be afraid of.

Sometimes, we just need to learn how to use it.

Ready to Try AI? Here’s How to Get Started Try Chat GPT

In my recent posts, I suggested that seniors try using Artificial Intelligence such as ChatGPT or Google Gemini. The goal of the articles was to motivate seniors to actually try AI. However, saying “open ChatGPT and ask a question” is a bit like telling someone who has never driven a car, “Get in and go for a drive.”

But if you have never used AI before, you may be wondering, “Yes, but HOW do I actually get started?”

Fair question.

So, here is a simple step-by-step guide. You don't need to be a computer expert. If you can use a web browser and type a question, you have most of what you need.

Option 1: Try ChatGPT

ChatGPT is one of the most popular AI tools. There is a free version, and you can try it without creating an account.

Step 1: Open your web browser

On your computer, tablet or smartphone, open the program you normally use to go onto the internet.

It might be called Chrome, Safari, Edge or Firefox.

Step 2: Go to ChatGPT

At the top of your screen, you will see a long box where you normally type a website address.

Type:

chatgpt.com

Then press the Enter key on your computer or tap the arrow/go button on your phone or tablet.

You should see the ChatGPT website.

Step 3: Look for the place to type

You will see a box where you can type a question or request.

That's it.

You are ready to have your first conversation with AI.

You don't need to use special computer language. Talk to it much as you would talk to another person.

For your first experiment, try something simple.

Type:

“Give me five ideas for things I can do on a rainy afternoon.”

Then press Enter or click the arrow/send button.

Wait a few seconds.

AI will give you an answer.

Step 4: Ask another question

This is where things get interesting.

You don't have to start over every time you have another question.

You can continue the conversation.

For example, after receiving your five ideas, you could type:

“Give me five more ideas that don't cost any money.”

Then:

“Which one would be good to do with my grandchildren?”

You are now having a conversation with AI.

Step 5: Try something useful

Once you've played around for a few minutes, try something that could actually help you.

For example:

“I am going to Victoria for three days. I have some difficulty walking long distances. Suggest an itinerary with activities that don't require a lot of walking.”

Or:

“Explain compound interest to me as if I were a 12-year-old.”

Or:

“Help me make a grocery list for five simple healthy dinners.”

Don't worry about getting the question exactly right.

If the answer isn't what you wanted, tell AI what you want changed.

Try:

“That's not quite what I meant. Try again and make it simpler.”

That is one of the secrets of using AI. You can keep talking to it.

Do I have to create an account?

Not necessarily.

OpenAI currently allows people to try ChatGPT without creating an account. However, conversations made while you are not logged in aren't saved as chat history. Creating an account gives you more ways to save and manage your conversations.

If ChatGPT asks you to sign in or create an account, don't be alarmed. Follow the instructions on the screen.

You may be offered the choice to sign up using an email address or another supported sign-in method.

If you already have an account with the service, you can sign in instead.

And remember never give an AI service your banking password, SIN, credit card number or other sensitive personal information.