The Power of Reframing

The same event can be seen in many different ways. You have more control over how you interpret what happens than you might think. Learning to reframe your experiences is a skill you can practice every day.

A good friend does not call you back. What does that mean to you?

You could interpret it as: "They are busy. They will call when they can." Or you could interpret it as: "They do not care about me. I must have done something wrong." The event is the same. The story you tell yourself about it is completely different.

And that story determines how you feel, what you do next, and whether you damage a relationship or let it go.

Psychologists call this "reframing." It is the practice of choosing a different lens through which to view the same event. It is not about denying reality. It is about recognizing that reality is often more complex than our first interpretation.

We often get stuck in one story because it is familiar. If you have spent decades telling yourself, "I am not good with money" or "I am too old to learn new things," those stories become comfortable. They feel true, not because they are true, but because you have repeated them so many times.

But if you can catch yourself in the middle of an old story, you can choose a new one.

Instead of "I am not good with money," try: "I am learning to manage my finances better."

Instead of "I am too old to learn new things," try: "I am curious about what I can still learn."

The words are different. The feeling is different. And the outcome is different.

Think of something that has been bothering you lately. Write it down in one sentence. Then write down three alternative ways to interpret the same situation.

For example:

Original interpretation: "My children do not visit me enough."

Alternative 1: "My children are busy, and they show their love in other ways."

Alternative 2: "I could call them and invite them to visit."

Alternative 3: "This is a chance for me to build relationships with others in my community."

You are not pretending the first interpretation is not real. You are just recognizing that it is not the only one. 

This week, notice when you are telling yourself a painful story. Ask yourself: "What is another way to look at this?" See if you can find one that serves you better.

The Observer's Lens

 You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts. When you step back and watch your mind, you gain the power to choose which thoughts to keep and which to let go.

There is a voice in your head that never stops talking. It comments on everything, the weather, the news, the way someone looked at you, the memory of something that happened forty years ago. It judges, worries, plans, and regrets. It does not have an off switch.

But here is something important to understand you are not that voice.

You are the one listening to it.

Think about it. When you notice that your mind is wandering, who is doing the noticing? There is a part of you that is aware of your thoughts. That awareness is different from the thoughts themselves. It is the quiet witness behind them.

This distinction matters because once you realize you are not your thoughts, you stop being a prisoner to them. You can watch a worry arise without being consumed by it. You can notice an old story playing out in your mind and choose not to believe it. You can see a negative thought floating by like a cloud and let it pass without trying to hold on to it.

Try this right now. Take a breath. Notice what is happening in your mind. Is there a thought? A feeling? A memory? Just notice it. Do not try to change it. Do not judge it. Simply observe.

That is the practice. And it is one of the most powerful tools you have for changing your life.

When you observe your thoughts, you create a gap between you and them. In that gap, you find freedom. You stop reacting automatically and start choosing how you want to respond.

Imagine you are sitting alone on a Sunday afternoon. A thought comes: "I am lonely." If you believe that thought, you feel sad. Maybe you reach for food. Maybe you turn on the TV to drown it out.

But if you observe that thought, something different happens. You notice: "Ah, a thought about loneliness is arising." You do not need to believe it. You do not need to act on it. You simply let it be there, like a cloud passing through the sky. And eventually, it passes.

That is the power of observation. It does not mean you will never feel lonely. It means you will not be ruled by the feeling. You will have a choice.

This week, try observing your thoughts without judgment. When you notice a worry or a criticism, simply say to yourself: "I notice I am having that thought." See what happens to the thought when you do not resist it or believe it.

Another scam to watch out for,, its in the mail

Here is the latest scam, you get a letter in the mail from law firms about unclaimed life insurance money.  The “lawyer” says that one of their clients, with your same last name, died and you’re the heir to a life insurance policy worth millions. (Spoiler alert: you’re not.) The letter then explains that they’d like to split the proceeds between you, some charity organizations, and their law firm. Here’s the first thing to know: this is not a letter from a lawyer;  it’s from a scammer. The letter might sound convincing. You might even be tempted to reply, since maybe the worst that happens is you don’t get a share of the money. But there is worse: if you contact them, they’ll try to get your personal and financial information (like your Social Security or bank account numbers), your money, or all of the above. And that life insurance policy or inheritance? It doesn’t exist at all. 

Here’s what to do if you get one of these letters:

Don’t respond. Keep your money and information to yourself. Never send money or information to a stranger who promises big rewards. That’s always a scam.

Pass this information on to a friend. You probably throw away these kinds of letters, but you probably know someone who could use a friendly reminder that these are scams.

Report it 

More Dad jokes

Food prices are getting higher and people are rightfully upset, so here are 62 Dad jokes about the food industry to help lighten the day.   This post was inspired by a one liner in a newsletter I receive from Kim Komando at Komando.com. Her jpun is the last one.

1.   The bakery apprentice wanted to lead the sourdough class, but the chef said no. He just wasn’t bread-y.

2.   The butcher asked to work in produce, but the manager refused. He couldn’t cut it.

3.   The florist wanted to run the cash register, but the owner declined. She kept giving customers change in bouquets.

4.   The fisherman applied at the shoe store, but they sent him home. He only knew how to scale up.

5.   The librarian wanted to become a baker, but the interview went poorly. She kept checking out the rolls.

6.   The gardener asked to join the orchestra, but the conductor said no. He had too many roots in jazz.

7.   The mattress salesman wanted to be a comedian, but nobody hired him. His jokes kept putting people to sleep.

8.   The clockmaker tried to become a therapist, but it didn’t work out. He kept saying everyone needed more time.

9.   The dentist applied at the candy shop, but the owner passed. He was too drill-serious about sweets.

10. The tailor wanted to manage the zipper factory, but they turned him down. He couldn’t keep it together.

11. he electrician asked to host karaoke night, but the bar said no. He kept shocking the audience.

12. The potato farmer wanted to become a news anchor, but the station declined. He only reported on current starches.

13. The locksmith wanted to teach yoga, but the studio refused. He couldn’t open up.

14. The painter applied to be a lifeguard, but the pool said no. He only knew how to brush up.

15. The chicken farmer wanted to run the egg counter, but the grocer objected. He kept cracking under pressure.

16. The mapmaker wanted to become a motivational speaker, but the agency passed. He couldn’t get to the point.

17. The shoe repairman wanted to lead the hiking club, but they rejected him. He had too many sole interests.

18. The candle maker asked to work security, but the mall said no. He kept letting things slide.

19. The carpenter wanted to become a magician, but the theater declined. His act was too wooden.

20. The cheese monger tried to become a judge, but the court refused. He was too grate with evidence.

21. The janitor wanted to be a DJ, but the club said no. He kept sweeping the floor.

22. The beekeeper asked to manage the deli, but the owner declined. He was always buzzing around the honey ham.

23. The plumber wanted to work in fashion, but the designer said no. His ideas were all pipe dreams.

24. The astronomer applied at the coffee shop, but the manager passed. He only knew how to serve space lattes.

25. The glassblower wanted to become a negotiator, but the firm refused. He was too transparent.

26. The accordion player asked to run the elevator, but the hotel said no. He kept pressing all the buttons.

27. The tailor’s assistant wanted to be a lawyer, but the firm passed. He kept losing the thread.

28. The baker asked to be a banker, but the branch declined. He kept making too much dough.

29. The fishmonger wanted to coach baseball, but the team refused. He kept calling for more catch of the day.

30. The fruit seller applied to be a therapist, but the clinic said no. He kept telling people to peel better.

31. The grocery bagger begged to run the new juicing machine, but the manager turned him down. Baggers can’t be juicers.