Thanks to Patti for this
Well... I HAVE heard it said that laughter's the best medicine. :)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't
waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up
heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life
of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get
even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain.
Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable
oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more
vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.
You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another
vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word
on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after
all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.
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