I'm rich :-)

 I'm rich!

Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth

Crystals in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood

Iron in the Arteries

And 

An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I like this doctor

Thanks to Patti for this

Well... I HAVE heard it said that laughter's the best medicine. :)

       Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong

       life.  Is this true?

       A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't

       waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up

       heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life

       of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

       Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

       A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled

       wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get

       even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.

       Bottom up!

       Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

       A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to

       one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

       Q: What are some of  the advantages of participating in a

       regular exercise program?

       A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No

       pain...good!

       Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?

       A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable

       oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more

       vegetable be bad for you?!?

       Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft

       around the middle?

       A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.

       You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

       Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?

       A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another

       vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

       Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?

       A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.

       Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

       A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!

       Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may

       have had about food and diets.

       And  remember:

       Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of

       arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but

       rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate

       in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and

       screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

       AND.....

       For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word

       on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after

       all those conflicting nutritional studies.

       1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart

       attacks than Americans.

       2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks

       than Americans.

       3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart

       attacks than Americans.

       4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart

       attacks than Americans..

       5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and

       fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

       CONCLUSION:

       Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what

       kills you.

For all my American friends and relations

The American Medical Association has commented on the the new US  health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The ENT specialists wouldn't hear of it.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pi**ed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**eholes in Washington.