Friday, July 22, 2011

Are we spending enough time with our children?

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves." Maria Edgeworth O Magazine, April 2004

Precious moments with your children…where did they go? Lost minutes stretch into hours, then days. Lost yesterdays pass away and become weeks and months. We look back and shake our heads in disbelief, wondering where the years went. Sound familiar? 

Many parents feel they are on a path where they are losing time with their children and wish they had more time to spend with them. However, the research into time parents spend with children is encouraging. We feel more rushed and believe we have less time, but what is encouraging is that parents still find the time to spend quality time with their children.  Excerpts from the study are below or you can follow the link to the actual article.

Recently published research concludes that today's U.S. mothers and fathers spend at least as many hours caring for their children each week as parents did four decades ago during an era that in the popular imagination was a golden age of family togetherness.

It may seem contradictory, then, that many parents complain of feeling rushed and of not having enough time with their sons and daughters. One reason for this, authors Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson and Melissa Milkie suggest in their book, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life, is that there is a gap between parents' self-evaluations and the currently high cultural expectations for "intensive parenting

The authors made extensive use of time diaries kept by parents as part of large research studies, in which a standard series of questions walk respondents through a complete day. The first national-level study was conducted in 1965, and it was replicated in 1975, 1985, and 1995. They drew on other time-diary studies from the late 1990s and early this decade, and made use of the Current Population Survey data on work hours, the 2000 General Social Survey, and other material.

Time diaries indicate that married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965. Married mothers spent 12.9 hours, a 21 percent increase. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase.

These increases are powerful because the figures are for "primary care" where the child is the main focus of attention, not for time spent with the child while doing other things. Time-diary numbers, however, do not say whether mothers are as accessible to their children at home during as many hours as they were in the past.

Although time diaries show that mothers and fathers spend about the same amount of time doing two things at once, survey data show that mothers are more likely to report multitasking all the time as well as feeling rushed. Employed mothers feel the time crunch more than those without paid jobs, and single mothers feel the most time-pressed of all. Perhaps, the authors suggest, that is because the complex nature of running a household today means that there never is a moment when something does not need to be done.

Parents, especially mothers, may be responding to heightened expectations, the authors said. "If our interpretation is correct, the requirements for effective and good mothering have ratcheted upward at the very time when there are expanded opportunities for women to do other things with their time, such as devoting themselves to fulfilling jobs," they write.

Especially among middle-class parents, children increasingly are expected to be the center of family life. Today's parents are expected to monitor their children carefully because fears of abuse and of crime have risen. They are expected to guide and nurture their children through every aspect of growing up, and to be involved in all of their activities. Because the average family now has fewer children than in the 1960s, the investment in each child is greater.

No wonder, then, that 40 percent to 60 percent of parents feel they spend too little time with their children, the authors note. They live in a society, said Milkie, where "you can't spend enough time with your kids . . . cultural ideals are really feeding into this."

The authors acknowledge that some of their conclusions go against the grain of popular belief. Although they raise concerns about the strains on parents, especially single mothers, they conclude that some aspects of child rearing have not suffered in the transition to a world where most mothers have joined the labor force.

"Somehow, then, despite concerns of policymakers and others that children are not receiving sufficient parental time," they write, "parents seem to have compensated for family and work arrangements that at first glance should have taken away from child rearing."

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