Assumptions Belief and Values 1

When you move into retirement it may be a good idea to check the assumptions you hold about life that drive your values and beliefs. Beliefs are the convictions that we hold to be true, usually without proof or evidence. Beliefs are assumptions that we make about the world and our values arise from our beliefs. Beliefs are judgments about ourselves and the world around us. They are usually generalizations. Sometimes beliefs become very strongly entrenched or emotional. In this way, beliefs can influence our behaviours, even our thoughts, in very powerful ways.

Our beliefs grow from what we see, hear, experience, read and think about. From these things, we develop an opinion that we hold to be true and unmovable at that time. From our beliefs, we derive our values, which can either be correct or incorrect when compared with evidence, but nonetheless hold true for us.  Beliefs also literally shape your map of reality with our values being the compass that allows us to move ahead in our own map of reality.

Reality is basically a series of assumptions we make about the world around us. Most of our assumptions are sensible. We assume the sun will rise in the morning, we assume there will be no radical changes in the laws of gravity during the day.

Most assumptions are safe. Indeed, if you were to question every assumption all day long, you'd soon go mad. However, some assumptions are not reliable, either because they are based on misunderstandings or because the bases of those assumptions have changed. For instance, for hundreds of years it was assumed that our body was filled with four humours and if they remained in balance, you remained healthy. If they got out of balance, you got ill. Medical treatments, such as bleeding sick people, were based on these assumptions and, as a result, often killed patients faster than diseases left alone would have done; particularly as there was no understanding of the importance of hygiene, sterilizing medical tools and the like.

Our values are the things that we think are important and can include equality, honesty, education, effort, perseverance, loyalty, faithfulness, conservation of the environment, etc. It is possible for our beliefs and values to differ over time as we encounter evidence or have experiences that challenge our previously held views. Conversely, our beliefs and values can also be strengthened by experience or evidence. For example, a person might have their belief in the essential goodness of human beings shaken and changed if they have a truly terrible experience.

This is why you should from time to time make a list of your assumptions. This will not be easy and I recommend you ask friends, family to help you list those assumptions. One of the most common assumptions is that we need to earn more money in order to live a better life. A consequence of this assumption is that in families, one or more of the parents ends up working long hours in a stressful workplace in order to maximize income now and promotional possibilities for the future. Those promotions typically result in greater income and greater demands at work.

As a result, the hard-working parents (more and more often, it is both parents) have little time for their children, their families and the pursuit of the dreams they had as young lovers.

Sadly, it is all too often at the deathbed that the hard workers reflect back on their lives and do not say, “by golly, I wish I had worked harder and longer hours.” No, they typically say, “I wish I had worked less and spent more time with my family.”

Because, the truth is, what your family needs most of all is not the money you earn, but you, your time, your love, your emotional participation and your physical participation. But many of us make mistaken assumptions about our lives, our partners and our families. It is important therefore to list your own personal assumptions from time to time – and to question those assumptions. Again, ask others to help you with this.

I think you will be surprised by what you learn – and eventually amazed at how much your life can improve once you question those assumptions and change behaviours based on flawed assumptions.

When you meditate over your transcendental situation, think also about the assumptions you are making in your life. Might some of those assumptions apply to your situation? If so, visualize what would happen to the situation of the relevant assumptions were wrong. This can be powerfully inspiring.

Clear Blue Skies

Looking up through a blue sky this morning. Unbelievable! When you look up do you see the same? Brilliant clear, cerulean, indigo, cobalt-kind-of-magical? There really are no words for it. Beautiful even pales. And to think we get to live under it every single day of our life, knowing that even with the darkest and bleakest weather, just above the fog there exists such lustrous brilliance. 

As if to hint at what forever might look like, to remind you of your eternal reach, and to make clear life's perfection. Because if such beauty can exist in the sky alone, with only a palette of azure, imagine what else is out there for us? 

Sometimes, to be frank, it’s all so gorgeous it makes my soul leap.

What if

In the email, my daughter said that my grandson was so excited because he was now tall enough to ride on some of the big rides at Luna Park in Melbourne. It made me wonder if we could still feel the excitement and adrenaline rush that a youngster feels the first time on an exciting ride. There are a number of factors at play with my grandson. First is the fact that he has grown taller, which is important to him, second, this growth allows him to stretch his experiences and allows him to do things that he could not do last year and third it allows him to show how big and brave he is to tackle rides which are meant to be scary.

Over time many of us have become addicted to habits that are comforting but not exciting. I believe we need changes and challenges in our lives to keep us young. What challenges have you tried or been faced with over the past few months that have given you an adrenaline rush? If we stop seeking adventures and challenges we may end up at the end of our lives wondering what if.  

Perspectives on age and death

Death is something we are all afraid of and for good reason. Death is the end of life, it is the end of our adventure, it is the unknown, it is the end and we don't know what follows. Many have a belief in a god who has prepared a next step for us, and in that they find comfort and those left behind find solace.

Because we don’t know what will happen to us when we die, our will to live is very strong. As Ronni, at As Time Goes By says in her blog, “Somewhere among the tiniest twists of our DNA, we are programmed to fear death, to avoid it at all costs and to live.”

But many of us, as we age, forget how to live. We start to prepare for death by retreating into ourselves and we lose the enthusiasm we had for live as we were growing up. We forget the sense of awe and adventure and the newness of life that we had as grew up and many of us become afraid as we move into our later years.

It takes courage to face death and greater courage to recognize that when we die  we will no longer be able to contribute. As seniors we need to remember how brave we really are, so that as we face death, we continue to live with enthusiasm and a zest for life. Making our time while we are here meaningful for ourselves and others should be one of our top priorities as we age.

Here are some interesting perspectives on age and death.

On no subject are our ideas more warped and pitiable than on death. Instead of the sympathy, the friendly union, of life and death so apparent in Nature, we are taught that death is an accident, a deplorable punishment for the oldest sin, the arch-enemy of life, etc.... 

But let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blending’s and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life, and that the grave has no victory for, for it never fights. All is divine harmony. ~John Muir

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. Aldous Huxley

Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing.  People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.  Albert Einstein

To die, to sleep -

To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub,

For in this sleep of death what dreams may come...

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? ~Khalil Gibran,

People living deeply have no fear of death. ~Anaïs Nin

If we face the reality, at 63 or 70, 75, 80, or 90, that we will indeed, sooner or later, die, then the only big question is how are we going to live the years we have left, however many or few they may be? “What adventures can we now set out on to make sure we'll be alive when we die? Anatole Broyard

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

John Barrymore

Pass, then, through this little space of time in harmony with nature and end thy journey in contentment, just as an olive falls off when it is ripe, blessing nature who produced it, and thanking the tree on which it grew. Marcus Aurelius.

Every time someone dies, a library burns. The experiences, skills, and relationships painstakingly built across a lifetime disappear forever. We cannot prevent any particular library from eventually having a fire, but we can make sure the fires are rare. Humans are precious, and that is why we should not wish them to age.   Anders Sandberg

I don't want my life to be defined by what is etched on a tombstone. I want it to be defined by what is etched in the lives and hearts of those I've touched. Steve Maraboli

I suppose each of us has his own fantasy of how he wants to die. I would like to go out in a blaze of glory, myself, or maybe simply disappear someday, far out in the heart of the wilderness I love, all by myself, alone with the Universe and whatever God may happen to be looking on. Disappear - and never return. That's my fantasy. Edward Abby

Thanks to Ronni at As Time goes by for the idea.

Cherish is the word

Work on boosting your confidence

Now is a great time to start focusing on yourself and work on boosting your confidence. And it's surprisingly easy to do.

Follow these steps to boost your confidence and start believing in yourself:

1. Avoid hesitation. Self-doubt is often developed out of hesitation. Do you take a long time to act on an impulse? If you see an opportunity, does it take you a while to go after it? The longer you take to pursue something, the more reasons you'll find for justifying your unsuitability for the opportunity.

* Avoid "sleeping on it" if you can decide right away. For a self-doubter, delaying a response usually means losing the confidence to go after the opportunity.

* Do you think you're not ideal for a new role you've been offered at work? Forget about that for a minute. Focus on the fact that you were actually offered the job for a reason!

2. Challenge negative thinking. It's easy to diminish self-confidence by harboring negative thoughts. But before you accept negative thoughts about yourself as a reality, challenge the thinking.

* Instead of accepting you're not good enough, take a moment to think about the facts. Have there been instances which support your negative thinking? Even if the answer is yes, remind yourself of your many positive experiences as well.

* Beware of thought patterns that can eat away at your self-esteem. Avoid looking at life as "black or white" and live in the grey area sometimes. You may not have one trait or another, but you have the perfect combination of what you need for YOUR life!

* Always be sure to differentiate between feelings and facts. Just because something makes you feel a particular way doesn't mean there's any fact in it.

3. Be kind to yourself. If you are someone who rarely displays self-confidence, you probably give yourself a hard time and consider yourself inadequate or ill-equipped. But when was the last time you were actually kind to yourself?

* Spend some time each day highlighting your positive traits. Remind yourself what makes you beautiful inside and out.

* Celebrate the small successes to help remind yourself that you're actually more amazing than you give yourself credit for.

* Try spending some time with positive people. Their energy rubs off quite easily!

4. Learn to listen to and accept compliments. Most of the time when people say nice things about you, they mean it! Take the time to really hear what positive things are being said about you. Absorb the thought and believe them!

* If someone says you're beautiful, believe them!

* Spend some time listening to the kind things said by others. And remember to say thanks each time. It helps to cement the positive thoughts in your mind.

During the next 30 days, be patient with yourself. Consider each of these tips on a daily basis. Gradually, as with anything else, practicing self-confidence becomes second nature.

In no time, you'll see the world is in the palm of your hand. And you'll hear every opportunity calling your name. Aren't you excited for that time?

Works of Fiction

Hopefully you do not fall prey to the following fictions of life as we move into 2013

Stella Awards

Thanks to Colleen for these
If these are actually true…well, they speak for themselves….

It’s pretty amazing that there are juries and judges out there who agree with these people who have a warped sense of their entitlement as compensation for their stupidity!  I just shake my head………….

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'!

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know the kind of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy...

Here are the Stellas for this past year -- 2011

*SEVENTH PLACE

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

Double hand scratching after this one..

*FOURTH PLACE*

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching...

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok. Here we go!! Drum roll ...

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owners manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

If you think the court system is out of control and America has lost ALL common sense, be sure to pass this one on!!!

Honour your strengths

Day 3: Know your needs.

Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? There are so many people who lived their lives without realizing their dreams and most of them end up being stressed or even depressed for that matter. List your top four needs and get them met before it's too late!

Day 4: Know your passions.

You know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life. Obstacles like doubt and lack of enthusiasm will only hinder you, but will not derail your chance to become the person you ought to be. Express yourself and honor the people who has inspired you to become the very person you wanted to be.

Day 5: Live from the inside out.

Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind. For most of us city slickers it's hard to even find the peace and quiet we want even in our own home. In my case I often just sit in a dimly lit room and play some classical music. There's sound, yes, but music does soothe the savage beast.

Day 6: Honor your strengths.

What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others.

Day 7: Serve others.

When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit - your essence. The rewards for sharing your gift with those close to you is indeed rewarding, much more if it were to be the eyes of a stranger who can appreciate what you have done to them.

More tips on self motivaton

1. Stop procrastinating!
2. Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self-improvement.
3. Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.
4. Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land.
5. Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self-improvement.
6. X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on “extras” on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.
7. You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.
8.     Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

Normal what is that?

This is a time when many of us are working with friends, relatives who are undergoing repairs of one kind or another. The repairs may be medical, or physical or mental, but the outcome of the process is a hope that they will return to "nornal". I found this post at Through a Jungian Lens interesting

One of the problems in engaging in therapy or analysis is that one expects too much; there is the expectation that one will be fixed and that life will return to normal if not better than normal. Of course, if one works long enough one comes to accept that there never was a normal way of being. For those who become patients in a pharmacological approach to therapy, the drugs create an illusion of being fixed which often leads to the patient making a decision that the drugs are no longer needed. Predictably the patient returns to the previous state of instability often unaware that they are in jeopardy again. For them, a crisis and/or an intervention is required to have them again achieve some sort of psychological balance. For many conditions, medication must become a lifelong part of the therapeutic process. Hopefully, it won’t be the only part of the process.

For those who engage in therapeutic processes that don’t include prescription drugs, there is the same need to readjust one’s life around the lessons learned, the discoveries uncovered by counselling or analytic session. One needs to create a new normal that is fluid, that has the ability to shift as one becomes more and more aware of shadows within. This doesn’t suggest that one becomes a permanent client in therapy, but it does suggest that one needs to learn how to self-engage in therapy. Ideally, one would maintain a therapeutic relationship that would allow for more objective evaluation of the processes underway. This isn’t any different than going for a biannual eye checkup or a semi-annual dental checkup.

This journey of growing awareness of the depth and complexity of self will allow one to find beauty in the self regardless of the condition of light and life.

Transition to Retirement

As many of the Boomers move to think about retirement, it is good to know that many unions in Canada have negotiated help for their members. This web site at Human Resources Canada shows what can and has been done in this area. It is interesting reading

In January 1998, clauses pertaining to counselling services appeared in 13.4% of major Canadian collective agreements covering 19.2% of employees (431,601). It should be noted that not all counselling services necessarily provide help specifically linked to retirement. There are nevertheless programs offering help to workers nearing retirement in areas such as health care, financial planning, housing arrangements, life adjustments, legal matters, organization of leisure time and job-finding skills for a second career. These may help older workers prepare for new challenges while alleviating possible anxiety.
Contract clauses offering a pre-retirement counselling program or seminar are relatively short and provide few details. In almost all cases, however, these provisions stipulate that this service will be financed and, whenever possible, provided by the employer.
Irving Paper and Communications, Energy and Paperworkers Union of Canada, Local 601 (1999-2005): "The company agrees to provide, at no cost to the employee, a pre-retirement counselling program."
Canadian Forest Products Limited and Pulp, Paper and Woodworkers of Canada (1997-2003): "The Company will provide a pre-retirement counselling program. The Company will involve the Union in the design of the program."
General Electric Canada Inc. and Communications, Energy and Paperworkers Union of Canada (2001-2004): "The Company undertakes to provide within a six- (6) month period a pre-retirement information program for employees aged 55 or older. In the event that the program is not delivered as part of a group program, the Company shall then, with prior approval, reimburse the employee and/or his/her spouse for the registration fees charged for such a program offered by a public body (…)" [translation]
Some agreements specifically state the nature of the counselling service to be offered (e.g., financial).
Concordia University and Concordia University Faculty Association (1998-2002): "Members who retire in accordance with the retirement plans in Article 42 [Retirement] shall be provided with financial counselling."
Government of Nova Scotia and Nova Scotia Government Employees’ Union (1997-2000): "The Employer will arrange financial counselling for employees who express interest in accepting an Early Departure Incentive Plan (EDIP) severance payment. This counselling will be arranged as soon as reasonably possible. The cost of the financial counselling shall be borne by the Employer, payable to an approved service provider."

Many Boomers do not want to start full retirement, so an alternative is phased retirement.

Phased retirement is broadly defined as any program allowing for gradual decreases in working time and workload instead of an abrupt move from full-time employment to retirement.
Phased retirement may take one of two forms: a pre-retirement gradual reduction in hours (or days) of work or post-retirement part-time work for pensioners who wish to remain employed.
From the employers’ point of view, phased retirement programs can be useful to retain skilled older employees who would otherwise retire (especially in sectors where there is a shortage of entry-level job applicants), to reduce labour costs, or to arrange the training of replacement employees by older workers. They also allow employers to plan attrition and, to a certain extent, to maintain employee morale when a company restructures its operations.
Phased retirement can also be beneficial for older workers. It helps them to gradually ease into retirement while maintaining a higher income than they would receive if they relied on their pension alone.
So if you are a boomer and thinking about retirement and your collective agreement does not have retirement counselling, or you work in a nonunion environment, then perhaps phased retirement is something your employer may consider

Classical Musicians a different view

Awkward Classical Music Photos is a wonderful site that has some very interesting and unusual pictures to say the list. The following is from the web site:

This website was conceived and created in a spirit of fun and out of a love for classical music.
You know how sometimes your older brother, whom you admire to bits, sometimes embarrasses you a little by wearing those ridiculous plaid pants with the orange knee patch? You still have a lot of respect for his intellect and kindness and general awesomeness as a human being, but you can’t help laughing at how awkward he looks whenever he wears them?
This blog is kind of like that.
Inclusion in this blog in no way constitutes a statement about a person’s musical abilities, technique, expressiveness, virtuosity, depth, or any other aspect of their talent. Many of the musicians pictured on this site are performers that we admire, adore, even swoon over. Just not in certain unfortunate awkward photos.
Most pictures here are not linked to the musicians’ web page, the photographer’s web page, or other identifying page. That’s because the idea here isn’t to be mean or to badmouth people. It’s all in fun, remember?

Are we spending enough time with our children?

If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves." Maria Edgeworth O Magazine, April 2004

Precious moments with your children…where did they go? Lost minutes stretch into hours, then days. Lost yesterdays pass away and become weeks and months. We look back and shake our heads in disbelief, wondering where the years went. Sound familiar? 

Many parents feel they are on a path where they are losing time with their children and wish they had more time to spend with them. However, the research into time parents spend with children is encouraging. We feel more rushed and believe we have less time, but what is encouraging is that parents still find the time to spend quality time with their children.  Excerpts from the study are below or you can follow the link to the actual article.

Recently published research concludes that today's U.S. mothers and fathers spend at least as many hours caring for their children each week as parents did four decades ago during an era that in the popular imagination was a golden age of family togetherness.

It may seem contradictory, then, that many parents complain of feeling rushed and of not having enough time with their sons and daughters. One reason for this, authors Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson and Melissa Milkie suggest in their book, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life, is that there is a gap between parents' self-evaluations and the currently high cultural expectations for "intensive parenting

The authors made extensive use of time diaries kept by parents as part of large research studies, in which a standard series of questions walk respondents through a complete day. The first national-level study was conducted in 1965, and it was replicated in 1975, 1985, and 1995. They drew on other time-diary studies from the late 1990s and early this decade, and made use of the Current Population Survey data on work hours, the 2000 General Social Survey, and other material.

Time diaries indicate that married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965. Married mothers spent 12.9 hours, a 21 percent increase. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase.

These increases are powerful because the figures are for "primary care" where the child is the main focus of attention, not for time spent with the child while doing other things. Time-diary numbers, however, do not say whether mothers are as accessible to their children at home during as many hours as they were in the past.

Although time diaries show that mothers and fathers spend about the same amount of time doing two things at once, survey data show that mothers are more likely to report multitasking all the time as well as feeling rushed. Employed mothers feel the time crunch more than those without paid jobs, and single mothers feel the most time-pressed of all. Perhaps, the authors suggest, that is because the complex nature of running a household today means that there never is a moment when something does not need to be done.

Parents, especially mothers, may be responding to heightened expectations, the authors said. "If our interpretation is correct, the requirements for effective and good mothering have ratcheted upward at the very time when there are expanded opportunities for women to do other things with their time, such as devoting themselves to fulfilling jobs," they write.

Especially among middle-class parents, children increasingly are expected to be the center of family life. Today's parents are expected to monitor their children carefully because fears of abuse and of crime have risen. They are expected to guide and nurture their children through every aspect of growing up, and to be involved in all of their activities. Because the average family now has fewer children than in the 1960s, the investment in each child is greater.

No wonder, then, that 40 percent to 60 percent of parents feel they spend too little time with their children, the authors note. They live in a society, said Milkie, where "you can't spend enough time with your kids . . . cultural ideals are really feeding into this."

The authors acknowledge that some of their conclusions go against the grain of popular belief. Although they raise concerns about the strains on parents, especially single mothers, they conclude that some aspects of child rearing have not suffered in the transition to a world where most mothers have joined the labor force.

"Somehow, then, despite concerns of policymakers and others that children are not receiving sufficient parental time," they write, "parents seem to have compensated for family and work arrangements that at first glance should have taken away from child rearing."

Something to think about

Every day, "the score" is even. Every second, in fact. Everyone lives each day for him or herself, no matter what they did. No one owes anything to anyone, no matter what happened.

And from this, what I hope you most get, is that whatever you do next, you do it for the joy it brings you. The joy you receive will support your belief. Remember that one of the fundamental proofs that support our beliefs is that they produce a result.
The universe is watching do you see joy in your world.

Cataracts

When I went to have my eyes checked the optomitrist told me I should have my eyes checked as the vision in my left eye had changed dramatically over the last time I had been given glasses. He recommended that I get myself checked, so I made an appointment with my doctor and after a preliminary examination which showed nothing he arranged for an appointment with an Ophthalmologists who very quickly identified that  had a cataract in my left eye and another growing in my right eye. So I will be having surgery in a short time to correct the situation.  What interested me was the choices I was given. The Ophthalmologist said he had several doctors he could refer me to in Vancouver, Surrey, Coquitlam, or Abbotsford. The waitlist for Vancuver, Surrey and Coquitlam was over a year while the wait list for the Dr. in Abbotsford was about a month. I was surprised at this and asked why? The Ophthalmologist said he thought it was because people felt that the Dr. were better in Vancouver, so people were prepared to wait. I thought this was probably true, but I decided to take the risk and travel to Abbotsford rather than wait a year. I did check out the Dr. I will be seeing  on the website rateddoctors in BC and found that he had a higher rating than the doctors in Vancouver.

I am learning about the procedures and alternatives I have and I love the Internet because it allows me to have some sense of what will be happening for me in the medical system. I think it is important to have sound knowledge and to make sure one advocates for one's self in our medical system.

An Interesting idea from Patrick

Spend more time thinking about what YOU want to do and less time thinking about what they might do. 

Take 30 seconds and ask yourself who are they, what do they mean to you, why are you letting them affect your life, why do you think you can control them?

If you're able to do this, you'll have greater peace of mind and a better quality of life.  After all, your thoughts, words and actions are the only ones you can control.

Anything else is like trying to teach a cat to bark. (I still love that quote from Byron Katie!) 

Beliefs

In my opinion, our beliefs can't change the nature of reality, but the force of our beliefs can change ourselves. We are desperate for meaning and value, and if a certain way of relating to the Truth (i.e. faith in God, faith in our fellow beings, faith in the universe, faith in ourselves, faith in life) can grant us all these things, that in itself is a proof that our faith is not misplaced. For the one of the proof's  that something exists is that it produces effects. 
I think when people talk about faith and religion, they tend to overestimate the "truth" factor and underestimate the "attitude" factor. Chesterton expressed this idea when he wrote:  "Children are grateful when Santa Claus puts in their stockings gifts of toys or sweets. Could I not be grateful to Santa Claus when he put in my stockings the gift of two miraculous legs? We thank people for birthday presents of cigars and slippers. Can I thank no one for the birthday present of birth?"

Yes, I think we can thank our parents for the present of birth, and we can thank our genetic makeup for our view of life and our miraculous bodies, if we have the need to thank something or someone for our existence.

A site for Introverts struggling in their search for work

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/self-promotion-introverts

This is a great blog fo introverts, struggling with looking for work and all that entails. It's also from Psychology Today. They focus a lot of their articles on us introverts. Which is great!

thanks to Judy for this

Life is a puzzle

As I was driving by the church, I noticed the sign inviting people to attend the worship. The sign said, "Life is a puzzle, find the answer here", which to me is wrong. If life is a puzzle then you find the answer from within, not by looking outside of one's self.  Most of what we see, do, feel, comes from within and is a result of listening to our inner voice. That inner voice is very powerful in determining how we view life. I love the quote from Vincent Van Gogh so please lend me your mind, thoughts and ears (:-).  "If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."  

The puzzle of life is easier to understand if we silence the negative inner voices, or if we understand why we listen to the negative voices that try to drown us. Some of you believe that we are here for a purpose, others believe that the universe or some other outside force is directing your life. I believe that we are not here for a purpose, nor is there any outside force directing or helping us in our life. We are here, we exist and we interact with others and in our interactions we have influence. Our influence may be small, or large and we will be remembered, not for our work but for our interactions with others. When you go to a funeral, people don't talk about the work the person did, they talk about the influence the person who died had at work, his/her interactions with his colleagues, his/her interactions with family members and close friends. 

Life is precious,  and we have a strong will to live, I believe we should be living in the positive not the negative. So what is stopping you from picking up your brush, whatever your brush is and get your brush ready and enjoy your painting!