Friday, March 23, 2012

Fathers and Sons

My father was killed in an accident when I was in my early 20's and I never was able to resolve the disputes that fathers and sons face as boys become teens and then men. As a teen, my father and I at times, did not see eye to eye on many issues, and as I think back I realize that on some of these he was correct and on others I probably was correct.

Sudden death of a parent or a partner is unsettling, and can have long term affects on a person. When my father was killed I did not know about the stages of grieving and went through the stages with my wife whose support was strong and needed. One of the interesting things that occurred at the time of his death, is that as the oldest son, the role of what I had to do was well defined by my mothers family.  I was lucky that both my Dad's family and my Mothers family guided me at the time and allowed me to make it through this time by falling into traditional roles and expectations.

Because of the expectations given to me, by my Aunts and Uncles, I was able to handle the role. Fitting into the role, helped me through some of the steps in the grieving process, but during this time I was not a nice person to those that wanted to help and support me. For that I am sorry, but what we go through shape who we later become and working through the anger and pain then helped me later in life.

So as you think of your parents both Fathers and Mothers enjoy the time you have with them, and embrace the feelings that you have for each other. As we grow older, many of our generation, will start to loose their parents and loved ones, and my wish is that you are able to resolve any and all issues that you have with each other in a meaningful manner.

As our parents become seniors, they may have a need to tell their story, I hope you take the time to listen and cherish your parents story as it is also part of your story.

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