"I am a good wife?" she asked, and I nodded in agreement. We had been discussing retirement options that her and her husband had been considering.
His dream was to live in Central BC, in the lakes and beautiful, but isolated area--isolated meaning a small population not near a major city. She was not quite ready to retire but thought that they could buy a place while retaining their place in the lower mainland.
The bank had approved the increase in the line of credit so they could afford to buy the property. He was quite happy with the decision, she was not sure.
After our conversation, I thought about the answer I had given, and realized that although I had given an answer she expected I had given an easy answer to a complex question. What was important was the question, why did she feel a need to ask it, what dynamic was at play, I should have asked more questions rather than nod and move on in the conversation.
Relationships are difficult and require give and take on both sides. Like most men, I think her husband had talked to her about the idea of moving and how it was his dream, and I think rather than really listening to her concerns, which she had raised, he had only heard her agreement with the idea that it was a good dream.
It was however a dream that she really did not share--at this time--so more discussion has to take place and she has to be more assertive in her position, and he has to listen to her concerns and put his dream against the reality of what she wants. After that discussion maybe they will still move away, or maybe they will find a compromise. My hope is they find a compromise.
His dream was to live in Central BC, in the lakes and beautiful, but isolated area--isolated meaning a small population not near a major city. She was not quite ready to retire but thought that they could buy a place while retaining their place in the lower mainland.
The bank had approved the increase in the line of credit so they could afford to buy the property. He was quite happy with the decision, she was not sure.
After our conversation, I thought about the answer I had given, and realized that although I had given an answer she expected I had given an easy answer to a complex question. What was important was the question, why did she feel a need to ask it, what dynamic was at play, I should have asked more questions rather than nod and move on in the conversation.
Relationships are difficult and require give and take on both sides. Like most men, I think her husband had talked to her about the idea of moving and how it was his dream, and I think rather than really listening to her concerns, which she had raised, he had only heard her agreement with the idea that it was a good dream.
It was however a dream that she really did not share--at this time--so more discussion has to take place and she has to be more assertive in her position, and he has to listen to her concerns and put his dream against the reality of what she wants. After that discussion maybe they will still move away, or maybe they will find a compromise. My hope is they find a compromise.
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