Thursday, June 26, 2014

What actually leads to lasting love?

You may be surprised but Science has an answer. Science is hardly romantic or sexy, but it's good for figuring out what works.

Here are a few scientifically proven truths about relationships.

First: Relationships develop in predictable stages.

Romance is only the FIRST stage and is not meant to last.

But most of us aren't aware of this, so when the going gets tough, it's easy to question whether we made the right choice to be with our partner. It is also hard work to work with your partner to work through the tough times, it is easier to leave and more than 50% of marriage still end in divorce or separation.

Second: You'll inevitably fall passionately in love with your reciprocal opposite.

But that passionate attraction comes at a price... GROWTH.

Because the person you're going to fall in love with is likely going to be the least compatible person in the universe for you.

So if you want to drive off into the sunset with them, you're going to have to grow and transform - together.

And transformation takes HARD WORK. Just ask any butterfly.

Thirdly Couples that don't fight, end up divorced.

Yip, research has proven this time and time again.


Because if you don't fight, you don't deal with your issues, and eventually your repressed issues will come back and bite you in the ass. After 45 yeas of marriage I know that fighting is normal in a relationship, so get rid of your ego and listen to your partner--they may be right.

Learn to fight in a way that brings you closer. Easy to say hard to do, but once you have learned this, you'll be able to resolve issues as they come up until there are none left.

By now, I hope you no longer believe that a healthy, loving relationship should be easy.

If you're struggling in your relationship right now, don't give up. Struggling is normal in the Power Struggle stage of a relationship

Instead, knuckle down and commit to doing your work.

  • Learn how to communicate without triggering each other
  • Learn how to meet each other's unmet childhood needs
  • Learn how to soothe each other during insecure times without her withdrawing or me getting clingy
  • Learn to appreciate each other's differences. 

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