There is no "i" in team but there are 3 in "narcissistic"

My thanks to Wally for these gems:

A tough old Cowboy from Texas counselled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the Secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. So she did this religiously to the age of 103! When she died, she left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium USED TO BE.

There may be no "i" in "team," but there are three in "narcissistic."

I can do a fairly good impression of someone who cares about your problem.

Men get frustrated because they don’t understand how women think. Women get frustrated because they understand how men think.

1984 - it's just 30 years late arriving :-)

Couples who have been married a long time start finishing each others sentences. The most popular ending being "Shut the #%&# up!"

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is a complete idiot.

You say you want to bring me back to reality. You're assuming I've been there before.

The kids text me "plz" Because it's shorter than "please". I text back "no" because it's shorter than "yes".

and finally

Good Night Everyone - Pleasant Dreams
'Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining all through
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day
If you can dream