A few more off beat jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are on a camping trip.

In the middle of the night, Holmes nudges Watson awake, and says, "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, my dear Holmes."

"And what do you infer from these stars?"

"Well, a number of things," he says, lighting his pipe:

Astronomically, I observe that there are millions of galaxies and billions of stars and planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I expect that the weather will be fine and clear.

Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and man, his creation, small and insignificant.

What about you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you fool. Someone has stolen our tent!"

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A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "Is the epistemological meta-narrative that you seem to espouse compatible with a teleological account of the universe?"

"That's an extremely simple question," he replied. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer it."

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A Zen student goes to a temple and asks how long it will take him to gain enlightenment if he joins the temple. 

"Ten years," says the Zen master. 

"Well, how about if I really work and double my effort?"

"Twenty years."

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A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?"

"Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments." 

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Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.

"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."

"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."

"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.

"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.

"Applied psychology."

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A psychotherapist returned from a conference in the Rocky mountains, where the delegates spent more time on the icy ski slopes than attending lectures and seminars.

When she got back, her husband asked her, "So, how did it go?"

"Fine," she replied, "but I've never seen so many Freudians slip."

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