Philosophy jokes

There were a number of Philosophy jokes posted last year and I thought they were funny, so I am posting a few of them here for the rest go here:  

The jokes were compiled by Tabatha Leggett, BuzzFeed Staff, UK

1.  How did the solipsist break up with his girlfriend? “It’s not you, it’s me.”

2.  Why are pacifists bad at jokes?   They can’t have punchlines

3.  Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

4.  René Descartes walks into a bar. The barman says, ‘Would you like a drink, sir?’ I think not!’ replies Descartes… and then he disappears.

5.      Question: how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

a.    Answer: fish.

6.  My wife's a really good dancer, Aristotle would say she's a prime mover

7.  What was Nietzsche's chief complaint after visiting Egypt? It was too Nile-istic.

8.  Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

9.  Nihilism means nothing to me.

10.  Two behaviorists have sex. One turns to the other and says, "That was good for you; how was it for me?"

11.         How many Freudians to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the penis. I mean the mother! I MEAN THE LADDER!

and finally

12. Descartes: I'm not sure I can do this.

Descartes' friend: I believe in you!

Descartes: I believe in me too!