Elisabeth
Kübler-Ross identified anger as the second phase of grief that people experience
when they are diagnosed with a terminal illness. Some people may experience
periods of anger, for one reason or another, but anger as part of grieving is not guaranteed.
This
isn't to say that some people may not become angry at some point after
experiencing a loss. Most of us have had the experience of seeing a parent
running up and down the aisles of a store frantically looking for a child that
has wandered away. When those parents find their children, do they calmly tell
the child that they should not do this? More often than not, they grab their
child’s arm and start yelling at them. Why? It's because they are scared. Anger
is the most common response to fear.
Dealing
with grief can be a scary experience. As was mentioned previously, the
emotions we may experience when grieving any loss can be overwhelming. These
are feelings that we cannot control. That loss of control can be scary.
Occasionally, that fear is displayed as anger.
Every
major change in our lives can result in a person feeling a sense of grief. When
someone goes through a divorce, there might be an element of fear about how the
future will be different than the one that was originally planned. This fear
may be displayed in anger. It's also possible that their former spouse did
something that justifiably resulted in them feeling angry!
When
a relationship ends, or there's a change in the workplace, or with any major
life change, we may experience anger. Certainly, if someone we care about dies
in an accident or some needless reason, we may be angry with the situation or
whoever caused it. In no way are we saying that anger isn't a possible result
of a loss.
The
problem with labelling anger as a definite stage that must be experienced with
any grief producing loss is that it isn't guaranteed. There are situations
where anger just doesn't exist for the griever on any level. Does this mean
that something is wrong with the griever?
Whether
a griever experiences anger or not has nothing to do with their recovery. There
is any number of different emotions that may confront a griever dealing with a
life-changing event. Anger may or may not be one of them. Each emotional
relationship is different, which means that the emotions felt by the griever
will be different for each loss experience.
Too
often, grievers have well-meaning friends and family tell them what they should
or shouldn't be feeling. Telling a griever that, as a part of going through the
stages of grief, anger is a stage they must experience, is just another example
of people telling them what they must feel. Most of us do not want to do that but
helping by presenting a plan
of action might help.
No comments:
Post a Comment