It's my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogues
around the house.
So, I’ve taken the hint.
I’ve got her a magazine rack
What happens when your hotdogs get cold?
You get chillie dogs
One time I was not able to pay my electricity bill.
Those were dark days.
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat
on it.
Eventually she came around.
What do you call a fake turn?
A sham poo.
During one of her daily classes, a
teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to
the bathroom?”
Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go
pee.”
The teacher responded by saying: “That
would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really
need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not nice
to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you
use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I
please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend
of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
It will be a sadder day.
My mother always used to say “The way to a man's heart is through his
stomach”.
Lovely women, great mom, terrible surgeon.
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas
or a boat paddle…
It was an ether/oar situation
(Quarantine, day 16)
I’ve started taking calls from telemarketers. Some of them are actually
quite nice. Fred a Superior Auto Insurance has a new baby.
How many zombies would rob zombie rob, if rob zombie could rob zombies?
I, personally find the beginning of the working week a bit Mondayne.
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