Pay special attention to the
wording and spelling. if you know the bible, even a little, you'll find this
hilarious! It comes from a Caithness school test.
Kids were asked questions about
the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were
written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect
spelling has been left in.
1. In the first book of the
bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath
off.
2. Adam and eve were created from
an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals
came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt
during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The jews were a proud people
and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who
let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines
with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the jews to the red
sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The egyptians were all drowned
in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten
commandments.
9. The first commandment was when
Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is
thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever
reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the
bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king who
was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people
who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of Davids sons,
had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the
mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from
the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary
had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith
dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden
rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained
a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when Jesus
rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the
lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives
of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St.
Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to
christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
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