Old is when...

Please note that these statements are intended to be humorous and based on stereotypes I have heard as I got older. We need to understand that the people saying these things are not meaning to offend, but are trying to be funny. I only take offence if it is a younger person (under 50) saying it instead of someone of my age. 

"OLD" IS WHEN   Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN   Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes -and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN   A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pace-maker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN   Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"0LD" IS WHEN   "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"0LD“ IS WHEN   "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. '

"0LD" IS WHEN"… when all-nighter" means not getting up to go to the bathroom.

OLD" IS WHEN   You get excited about taking a nap instead of going out on the town.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You consider a comfortable chair and a good book to be the perfect Friday night.

"OLD" IS WHEN   Your idea of a wild night is staying up past 9 p.m.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You start using phrases like "back in my day" or "when I was young" on a regular basis.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You're more interested in gardening and birdwatching than hitting the club scene.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You need reading glasses to decipher the restaurant menu.

"OLD" IS WHEN   Your idea of a hot date is a candlelit dinner at home.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You find yourself forgetting names more often than not.

"OLD" IS WHEN   You opt for sensible shoes over trendy heels.

"OLD" IS WHEN   Your idea of a wild adventure is trying a new recipe in the kitchen.