More advice to my grandson

 As a grandparent, I often think about advice I should pass down to my grandson. I am reluctant to do so, because, in my experience, advice that is not asked for is always ignored, and advice that is asked for is often ignored. However, one day I hope my grandson has the time to read the many pieces of advice I have passed on through this blog and I also hope that he will read it and at least consider what I have said. Having said that, here are a few more words of wisdom.

I think we lived through challenging times, and I know that you are also facing challenges. I also understand that you have your own challenges. No matter what the challenge or opportunity you face, it is important to work hard to overcome the challenge or take advantage of the opportunity. A strong work ethic and perseverance through difficulties will help you achieve your goals.

Over time, you will understand that family is precious, and both your granny and I encourage you to maintain strong bonds with your loved ones. Spend quality time with your family, show them love and respect, and always be there for them when they need you.

The say that curiosity killed the cat, but curiosity is one of the keys to growth and self-improvement. Embrace a lifelong learning mindset, explore new interests, and never stop seeking knowledge. Learning doesn't end with formal education but continues throughout your entire life. As Mark Twain, (an American humorist) said “"I never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

Treating others with kindness and empathy is a valuable lesson and we encourage you to be compassionate, considerate, and understanding towards others, regardless of their background or circumstances. “Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.” – Harold S. Kushner (Rabbi and author)

We never saved much when we were young, as we bought into the consumer society. It is important that you understand your financial responsibility. When you can save money, (small amounts add up over time) invest wisely, and plan for your future. Learning about budgeting, saving, and managing finances early on can set you up for a more secure and comfortable life.

In your life you will face many successes and many failures. Enjoy your success and learn from your failures. Life is full of ups and downs, and you need to stay resilient in the face of adversity. Adaptability is also crucial as the world is ever-changing, so be open to new experiences and embrace change.

Gratitude is a powerful practice that can bring joy and contentment to your life. Appreciate the little things, count your blessings, and express gratitude for what you have. Cultivating a grateful attitude helps you maintain a positive outlook on life.

Remember to prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and take care of your mental health by practicing self-care and seeking support when needed.

How time flies

 My grandson Ryder started school grade 7  this year; I started that grade in 1959 and as I reminisce about my own experiences at that age, way back in 1959, I can't help but marvel at how much the world has transformed. Yet, amidst all the changes, there are certain aspects that have remained remarkably constant.

 In 1959, the world was a vastly different place. Technological advancements were just starting to take shape, and the notion of a digital age seemed like a distant dream. Computers were massive, room-filling machines with limited capabilities, far from the sleek and powerful devices we carry in our pockets today. Communication was predominantly carried out through snail mail and landline telephones, making long-distance conversations a luxury.

Transportation has undergone a remarkable evolution as well. Back in my day, cars were large and flashy, emphasizing style over fuel efficiency. Seatbelts were a novelty, and airbags were yet to become a standard safety feature. Public transportation, though available, was not as extensively developed and relied heavily on buses and trains. Flying, too, was a luxury reserved for the privileged few.

 Society itself has gone through significant transformations. In 1959, social norms and expectations were quite different. Gender roles were more rigidly defined, and opportunities for women and minorities were limited compared to today. Prejudices and discrimination were more overt, and the fight for civil rights and equality was still in its early stages.

However, amidst all these changes, some fundamental aspects of human nature have remained constant. The bonds of family, friendship, and community continue to hold immense importance. The value of hard work, perseverance, and education has stood the test of time. And the power of human connection and empathy remains as vital as ever.

 As I witness my grandson navigating the challenges of the modern world, I am reminded of the timeless wisdom and values that have guided us through generations. While the external trappings of life have undergone drastic alterations, the essence of what it means to be human remains unchanged.

 So, as my grandson embarks on his own journey, armed with new technologies, opportunities, and perspectives, I take solace in the fact that some things endure. The world may have transformed, but the human spirit and the values that shape us continue to bridge the gap between generations, reminding us of our shared humanity.

 

Helping your child learn social skills

The family was on a ZOOM call. As I watched the very youngest of our family play and be children on the call while their parents struggled to keep them in line, I thought about how important we believe it to be to teach social skills.   A properly socialized child is vital to making it a valued member of your larger community and family.

In some ways training, a child is easier than teaching an adult or adolescent.  One reason is that the child is essentially a “blank slate”, untroubled by past training techniques and other issues. 

One of the challenges of helping a child socialize is that children are more easily distractible than adolescents, and adults.  Everything is new to a child, and every new experience provides a new chance for distraction.  For this reason, it is best to new social interactions short when working with a child, and to end each on a positive note.

It is also important to allow the child plenty of time to play, and to interact with others.  Socialization training is vital to making your new child a good citizen.  A properly socialized human learns how to play properly with others, where they learn that overly aggressive play will be punished by the others in the group.

This type of play learning is something that happens among siblings.  As children play with each other, they learn what is appropriate and what is not.  Inappropriate behaviour is punished by the others in the group or by the parents, or both.

Introducing your child to new experiences and new locations is also an important part of learning. One great way to socialize your child to new people is to take them on a trip. The new sensations and visualization are important to help structure, which is important for children.

 

Life is sometimes about making easy or hard choices.

There is an old saying, if a person is hungry, you can give him food or you can teach her to catch the food and cook it. If you give the person the food, you solve the immediate problem, which is to take care of the hunger. If you teach the person to catch the food, i.e. catch a fish, you have taken care of the long-term problem. So, let's say you live by a great, abundant, life-giving ocean, though at a very primitive time in history, and you are very, very hungry. And let's further say, that you're given a choice: a wading pond full of fish or fishing lessons; enough fish to last you for several weeks, or the skills to tap an unlimited supply. Which would you choose? 


The answer is not as easy as it may appear, if you are starving, you may choose the wading pond full of fish as it important to you that you and your loved ones survive. However, if you are just hungry and not starving and near death, you may choose the fishing lessons.


Ah-ha, so it is not an easy choice, but life is sometimes about making easy or hard choices.


What if learning to fish meant multiple solo attempts to test out your new skills, without any guidance and help that you could see? My thought would be that while you were learning this important and life-changing skill, you'd likely feel anxious, uncertain, and a little confused? While you were learning, you don’t realize that your instructor would never be far, watching over you like a mother does a young child, but giving you the freedom to make your own mistakes and make the skill truly yours. Would you sometimes feel all alone and given the chance to remake the choice would you still choose the lessons? 


I know what I would do, and have done in those circumstances. What have you done, and how can you help your children and grandchildren to make the same choices you made, or perhaps make different choices than you made?

List of associations helping seniors in BC

I was thinking it might be a good exercise and perhaps some fun to prepare a list of associations that help seniors, in BC. I started to put together a list and realized that it was close to Mission Impossible. Helping seniors is a growing business and there are many organizations and businesses that proport to held or advocate on behalf of seniors. Far too many to list and to make sense of in the time that I wanted to allocate to this task.  Here are a few of the organizations I found with a little information on them from the web.

The Office of the Seniors Advocate monitors and analyzes seniors’ services and issues in B.C. and makes recommendations to government and service providers to address systemic issues. The OSA was established in 2014 and is the first office of its kind in Canada.

COSCO BC - Seniors’ Health and Wellness Institute The COSCO Health and Wellness Institute provides free workshops to senior groups throughout BC. We currently have 41 workshops available for presentation by trained facilitators which provide practical information but are not intended to provide specific legal, medical or financial advice.

COSCOBC.org  Established in 1950, the Council of Senior Citizens’ Organization (COSCO) is an umbrella organization made up of many seniors’ organizations and individual associate members.   Registered under the Societies Act since 1981, COSCO has grown and now represents approximately 80,000 seniors in British Columbia.

COSCO is run by volunteers, with activities coordinated through an elected Board of Directors.

COSCO BC Connects people with the help they need. Community, social or government services.

The following organizations, and many others, are part of the Council of Senior Citizen Organizations in British Columbia (COSCO). This umbrella organization brings together over 75 senior organizations operating in the province, in addition to individual members who facilitate the process. COSCO is privately run by a board of directors and aims to improve the programs and advocacy efforts targeting seniors in the province.

           

The Public Guardian and Trustee (PGT)            

The Public Guardian and Trustee (PGT) is a corporation sole established under the Public Guardian and Trustee Act.

          

Nidus Personal Planning Resource Centre and Registry            

Nidus Personal Planning Resource Centre and Registry is a non-government, charitable society.

           

The New Vista Society            

The New Vista Society is a non-profit society and registered charity dedicated to providing care, support and housing for seniors.

           

The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives           

The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives is an independent, non-partisan research institute concerned with issues of social and economic justice. Founded in 1980, the CCPA is one of Canada's leading progressive voices in public policy debates.         

           

BC Network for Aging Research           

Our goal to provide opportunities for these researchers to collaborate in generating innovative aging research.

            

BC Centre for Elder Advocacy and Support            

An online resource for advocates, people on welfare, and community groups and individuals involved in anti-poverty work.         

           

British Columbia Public Interest Advocacy Centre           

The British Columbia Public Interest Advocacy Centre (BCPIAC) is a non-profit, public interest law office. Its creation in 1981 reflected the fundamental belief that it should not only be the rich and powerful that are represented before our courts
            

BC Health Coalition           

The BC Health Coalition champions the protection and expansion of a universal public health care system. We are a democratic, inclusive and consensus-based network of individuals and organizations that span the province of British Columbia.

BC Forum  British Columbia Federation of Retired Union members            

BC FORUM, established in 1995, is the recognized voice of senior trade unionists in British Columbia and is a registered non-profit society dedicated to representing the interests and well-being of retired union members (and active union members age 50 and over), their families and spouses, and to continue into retirement the relationship, they have enjoyed with the trade union movement.

           

B.C. Retired Teachers' Association           

The BCRTA is committed to improving pension, medical and dental benefits for its members.

            

BCIT Retirees' Association           

This website is mainly for the enjoyment and use of BCITRA members, but comments are welcome from those interested in our aims and activities, or in the concerns and welfare of seniors.

            

Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives           

The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives is an independent, non-partisan research institute concerned with issues of social and economic justice. Founded in 1980, the CCPA is one of Canada's leading progressive voices in public policy debates.

            

British Columbia Government Retired Employees Association           

BCGREA promotes the welfare of all persons receiving a superannuation allowance under the Pension (Public Service) Act of British Columbia      

           

British Columbia Pensioners' and Seniors' Organization            

B.C. Pensioners' and Seniors' Organization is a non-partisan organization instituted in 1932 for the purpose if identifying and supporting issues of importance to seniors.

         

The British Columbia Old Age Pensioners’ Organization

The BCOPA is a nonpartisan organization dedicated to providing support to pensioners and to address issues that affect senior citizens in BC. The organization is particularly useful in helping retirees retain their pensions. The BCOPA also provides help and support to access Medicare and Pharmacare in the province. The BCOPA additionally offers seniors help with regards to taxation, housing and social programs. The organization is also politically active and promotes issues important to the wellbeing on seniors in the province, such as ensuring equality in consultation and improving health services. The BCOPA has numerous branches scattered throughout the province.

The Seniors Citizens Association of British Columbia

The SCABC is an organization “for and by” senior citizens of British Columbia. The entity aims to protect the rights of seniors and rally for social programs and welfare support that improve the living conditions of senior citizens in the province. The SCABC promotes the pensioner movement in the province in association with pensioner organizations

SeniorsBC.ca The SeniorsBC website provides information on programs and services for seniors offered by the B.C. and federal governments and non-profit organizations. The website includes information on health, finances, benefits, housing, transportation, tips for healthy living and other topics of importance to seniors. The website also includes online versions of this guide (the BC Seniors’ Guide) in English, French, Chinese and Punjabi, as well as the BC Elders’ Guide, which has been culturally adapted for First Nations and Aboriginal older adults.

SeniorsofBC.com is the website of the Senior Citizens Association of BC. We are an umbrella organization for and about seniors in British Columbia.

(a)          To stimulate public interest in the welfare of the Senior Citizens of Canada.  To advocate for pensions and a social security entitlement that provides the means to ensure housing and living conditions that meet the seniors’ needs for comfort and security.

(b)         To protect the rights and interest of pensioners under the Old Age Security and Assistance Acts.

http://seniorsfirstbc.ca/ Seniors First BC is a community-based, non-profit organization incorporated as a society in 1994 as the BC Coalition to Eliminate Abuse of Seniors. Following an extensive needs assessment to establish the first Elder Law Clinic in BC, we changed our name in 2008 to the BC Centre for Elder Advocacy and Support.

Alliance for a National Seniors Strategy  Close to 17% of Canada’s population is 65 or older. By 2031, Statistics Canada projects that one in four Canadians will be seniors.

With Canada’s population ageing, maintaining the status quo for seniors' health care is not an option. Our health care system was designed a half-century ago, and it has not kept pace with the issues of the elderly in Canada. Today, seniors need better solutions, services and support.

We need more voices to be heard if we want a national seniors strategy. We need the voices of today’s seniors, as well as the voices of tomorrow’s seniors. You can be part of the journey to a new system of care for all of Canada’s seniors. Help make change happen.

National Pensioners Federation  National Pensioners Federation is a national, not for profit, non-partisan non-sectarian organization of 350 seniors’ chapters, clubs, groups, organizations and individual supporters across Canada with a collective membership of 1,000,000 seniors and retirees devoted entirely to the welfare and best interests of ageing Canadians. Our mission is to stimulate public interest in the welfare of ageing Canadians. Our goal is to help seniors and retirees have a life of dignity, independence and financial security.

Meeting people and making friends

It is hard to make new friends for some people and for others it seems easy. People who are quiet, and thinkers may be called introverts, and sometimes introverts have trouble meeting new people. That is because they prefer their own company but everyone needs friends.

If you’re an introvert, then you naturally spend lots of time by yourself, but still have the need to meet people and make friends. Many introverts think that it’s a black or white area; either you’re a social star or an introvert.

This is not true at all; you can be naturally introverted and still make time for friends and fun. In this article, I want to share with you four strategies on how to make friends, without changing who you are. The common mistake is to learn a few techniques, and only use them when you’re motivated to meet people. We all know that that motivation is hard to get for introverts. What you can do instead is adopt a series of social habits that don’t require a lot of motivation. Let’s talk about two habits to get you started:

Habit #1 – Go Out To Meet New People Once A Month
If you want to build a social life, you need to constantly be meeting new people. Not everyone you meet will be a good fit for you, and not all your friends will be around forever. This is why you need to be supplying yourself with new faces, but not necessarily more than what you’re comfortable with.
You can dial it up or down, but don’t stop it; people won’t come knocking on your door to meet you.
What I recommend is to commit to helping some sort of social community that has the kind of people you want as friends. When you find a good community or group, go to the organizing team and offer to help, and get involved.
Most of them love to have more people involved, even if they don’t need that much help. They just appreciate your presence and will be grateful. You’ll instantly be in a position of a value-giver.
This works very well for two reasons. First, it’ll be more than easy for you to meet new people; many members of that community will come to you and get to know you, as one of the hosts. Second, this commitment will somewhat force you to go out and attend their social events, which means that you won’t need any more motivation to do it. It’s like beating procrastination before it even starts.

Habit #2 – Do Something Social Once A Week
Again, if you have to remember to be social, you probably won’t do it. This is why I suggest that you focus on building the habits, once and for all.
First, let’s make sure you don’t forget to keep in touch with people. What you do here is mark in your calendar an hour of time where you usually don’t do anything important. Block that hour, every week, for reaching out to people, calling, sending texts, etc. Something like Wednesday at 7 pm works great.
When you make that decision, you won’t have to remember to call people, you’ll just do it for one hour and enjoy the week without worrying that maybe you’re ignoring people.
During that hour, contact new and old friends, and try and make plans to meet with some of them. If you have one social activity per week, that’s far better than having no clarity and no consistency.
To make this even easier, start introducing people to each other, even if they’re both new friends. This will create a group effect, and they will start to call and make plans as well, you won’t be the only one doing it.
This works because people naturally call their friends who they know in the context of a group, especially around the weekend. It’s more fun to be inside a group, even if it’s just a group of three people.

 Habit Three  Ritualizing your social activities, instead of doing them only when you feel the motivation. Ritualization is the evolutionary process whereby a signal behavior is established or improved in such a way that it becomes a more effective or efficient means of communication. Any attribute-behavioral, physiological, developmental, or morphological traits--can be the basis of a communicative signal. 

The key attribute of the trait is that it in some way conveys information, usually about one individual to another. This information then makes the world of the recipient more predictable, less chaotic.  If your world is more predictable, it is easier to navigate and as an introvert you will feel more comfortable communicating with others, which is a key to making new friends.

Habit Four Start thinking in terms of groups of friends, instead of individual friends.
Remember thaat most of the time the group isn't purposely trying to mean and exclusive. They just all know each other and it's easier for them to talk among themselves. They may also be a bit lazy and see getting to know someone new as work, when they could just hang out with their buddies instead. Some of the group members may be a bit shy too, and feel a bit inhibited about engaging someone unfamiliar. 

Below is some advice on handling these situations.

Take the initiative and throw yourself in there
Since it's easy for the group to benignly overlook you it's important to take the initiative to try to get to know everyone. Basically, whatever the group is doing, put yourself in there and attempt to join their conversation. The biggest barriers to doing this are feeling too shy to put yourself in the middle of things, and feeling like you don't know what to say to everyone. 

It can help not to think of throwing yourself into things in Either-Or terms, i.e., you feel you have to be ultra-outgoing or there's no point in trying. Even pushing yourself a little bit more than usual may be all that's needed. Or maybe you'll only take a little initiative one day, but go further the next. Another thing you can try to do is find a friendly person or two and try talking to them, and not pressure yourself to make the rounds and chat up every last individual. At a larger gathering that may not be realistic anyway.

Don't feel like you're at an audition
I think a lot of people put too much pressure on themselves when they hang out with a new group the first few times, because they feel like they have to show their best side and win everyone over. This sometimes backfires. Act the way you normally would around people. Don't try to be more energetic than usual, or joke around more than you typically would. Basically, if the group is going to like you, they're going to like you. 

Don't get discouraged if things don't go perfectly the first time
Another important thing to keep in mind is that the first time you meet everyone usually doesn't make or break you. We often have to hang out with a new person a few times before we know how the relationship is going to develop. Hanging out with someone once, and maybe only getting to actually talk to them for ten minutes, isn't long enough to judge.

You don't have to make everyone love you
Getting along with everyone is something to shoot for, but you can probably hang around a group again even if they all don't want to be lifelong friends after meeting you on a handful of occasions. In many social circles some people like and hang out with each other more than others. 

Give everyone a chance even if your first impression of them isn't perfect
When you first meet a new group of people you're not going to like everyone instantly. One person might come off as a bit aloof, another may seem too boring, another you don't have much in common with, and so on. Ignore those first impressions and make an effort to be friendly with them all anyways. 

Groups are often quite obvious about what you need to do be accepted
If you pay attention you can often pick up obvious signs of what you need to do for the group to take you in. Signs could be as blatant as someone inviting to join them on a certain activity or mentioning the group often hangs out at a particular place on Friday nights.

Get into a larger group one sub-group at a time
Larger groups naturally take some time to find your place in, and it can be discouraging if you don't realize this. 

Financial Advice for Grandchildren or children

 First published in the Globe and Mail  in November 

Mr. Brown is a 62-year-old former university lecturer (astronomy and data management). Recently, he created a smart money manifesto for his two daughters, sent a copy to the paper and it was published. He has some good advice. Here are Brown’s Rules, in a slightly edited form:

1. Spread the pain of saving and pleasure of spending over your whole life.
Don’t save so much now that you’re eating Kraft Dinner every night, and don’t spend so much now that you’re eating Kraft Dinner every night when you’re 75. Care for yourself equally at all ages.

2. Get out of debt and stay out of debt.
The only good debt is one where the value of what you bought increases more each year than the interest rate you’re paying. For most people, the only thing that does that is a house or property. Every other kind of debt gives your hard earned money to the bank or credit card company.

3. Come up with a realistic cost of retirement.
Estimate how much it would cost for you to live a simple but enjoyable retirement today (forget the world cruises), then estimate how much inflation will increase that number in 35 years. That’s your target. Remember that your mortgage will be paid off, but health-care costs will be higher.

4. Leave your home out of your retirement income plan.
You have to live somewhere all your life. I have watched a number of people sell their big homes and move into something smaller. In the end, most of them got very little cash out of the deal for one reason or another. There are too many places for it to leak away. Choose a house that is just the right size for your family and resist getting something bigger. It just costs more to operate and maintain. Do not be house rich and cash poor.

5. Hire an investment planner who does not sell any investment products of any kind.
These people charge by the hour. That’s their only income, so they have to provide value for money the first time and every time you meet with them. Anyone who also sells a product can’t help but be biased. It’s just human nature.

6. Don’t plan for inheritance, lottery winnings or other windfalls to fund your retirement.
It’s wonderful if they come to pass, but for most people they do not. You can’t bank on them.

7. Diversify.
Have at least three to four different investment types, so that if one chokes, the others will carry you through. Stocks, bonds, private property other than your home, and long-term bank savings are a good mix to consider.

8. Plan to be in your investments for 50 years or more.
Your kids can inherit what you don’t use.

9. Don’t try to time investment ups and downs when buying and selling.
That’s gambling. Buy a little bit every month, or every three months. Over 50 years all the ups and downs will average out.

10. Don’t assume everything will work out on its own.
It won’t. Retirement planning takes clear vision and steady effort year after year. You will have to give up some of life’s pleasures today in order to have them later. Don’t gamble with your future. Kraft Dinner is only fun once in a while.

11. Don’t gamble with individual stocks. Buy whole stock markets.
Stocks are an important part of every investment plan. Over the years they go up not just with productivity but also with inflation so they protect you against that. The main problem with stocks is that people buy just a few different companies they like. Unless you have had many years of financial training, that’s pure gambling.

Buy whole stock markets. For example, buy a low cost mutual fund or exchange-traded fund that tracks the entire stock market. These are called index funds and they track indexes with hundreds of stocks.

12. Don’t worry if markets crash.
Never panic sell – that is a guaranteed way to lose money. Markets always go up again. It just takes some time. Sometimes, if I have a little cash lying around, I buy a little extra when the market crashes.