Boomers, Defining Marriage All Over Again

Marriage is a funny thing.  How you view it is drastically different if you are a teenager or youth with stars in your eyes compared to your vision of marriage when you have been ensconced in the practice for 20-30 years and looking toward a life in retirement as a married couple.  Baby boomers have experienced every aspect of marriage from that early idealistic stage through divorces, various redefinitions of marriage and now taking their marriages into their retirement years.  It may be that this next transition of marriage will bring as many changes to that special relationship as any that have gone before.

How you view marriage as you move toward your retirement years without a doubt depends on how marriage has gone for you over the decades.  If marriages are rocked with difficulty, separations, and other woes, retirement can bring a new dimension to that tension.  On the other hand, part of the commission of retirement is to begin to seek resolution of life’s struggles so working together with each other in the context of marriage can bring tremendous healing in this phase of life.

Each era of life seems to bring a new opportunity to define marriage and how it will be an important part of life.  When the baby boomer generation became parents, the shift was notable as retailers responded to their emphasis on being good moms and dads and away from youthful issues to some extent.  Then as baby boomers moved through parenting and into the empty nest phase of life, that seemed to bring as many challenges as when that nest filled up with children decades before.

There is no question that real life in the context of a very real and functional marriage, even with the problems that it brings is also a huge resource for us throughout life’s journey.  While sometimes the romance can escape from the marriage relationship if life brings struggles and as our bodies go through changes, that partnership and intimacy of a relationship is an incredible resource for coping with the big changes all baby boomers have had to face over the years.

This is the good thing about hanging in there with that marriage until you get to the stage of life most baby boomers are moving toward in this decade.  The things that can rob a marriage of romance during the working part of your married years are the coming of children, the hard work of raising them, keeping a career moving forward in the tough business settings we have experienced in the last three decades and seeing your own relationship evolve under that kind of “pressure cooker” environment.  

But a significant amount of those pressures begin to lift when you are able to perhaps scale back the work life, enjoy the fruits of your labors and let the kids get out on their own.  So that side of the pre-retirement years can actually be a fertile setting for a new romantic life between husband and wife to spring up.  Many couples, as they leave the world of parenting behind, experience such late in life romantic rebirths.  And this kind of late springtime in your relationship with your long-time spouse can bring the birth of new creativity in many parts of your life making it one of the happiest phases of life for you and your husband or wife.

A marriage gets tested throughout youth and middle age and marriages that survive do so because of mutual support and the ability to accept the other member of the marriage and compromise.  Since these traits will be well established in your relationship as you move into your fifties and sixties together, they will be a continuous resource to you as you face retirement issues, dealing with being a grandparent and being wise counsel for children who are facing life’s struggles for the first time.

But baby boomers should not be surprised if they see their marriages continue to change, grow and mature in new directions as each partner explores this phase of life for the first time as well.  A marriage is a living thing so we can take joy from seeing it become something new each new decade as, as we have done often in the past, we start defining marriage all over again.

Ideas and resources for the Sandwich generation (Boomers) 1

The Sandwich Generation refers to Baby Boomers who are sandwiched between taking care of aging parents and their own children.  However, that doesn't speak to the situation that many people are now facing; taking care of 3 generations:

A.   Aging Parents, Children and Grandchildren

B.   Children, (Aging) Parents and Aging Grandparents

This 3 generational situation has been aptly referred to as the Club Sandwich Generation. Currently there are 3.3 million families with four generations (children, parents, grandparents, great-grandparents) still alive, but by 2030 this will rise to 4.2 million. This will no doubt accentuate these two HUGE problems facing the Club Sandwich Generation even more:  

1.   How can they find enough time to juggle the needs of 3 generations?

2.   How can they financially help out 3 generations without jeopardizing their own financial situations?

According to MetLife Mature Market Institute:

• 62% of grandparents have provided financial support to grandchildren in the past five     years, averaging $8,289, primarily for investments and education.

 According to Forbes Magazine:

•  Nearly 60% Of parents provide financial support to adult children.

 What can you do? 

Read up and get information that will prepare you for this aspect of your upcoming planning for retirement. Here is a good place to start: So here’s a look at some of the best content from around the ‘net from Senior Homes Blog.

1. MomatLast.com talks about the inevitability that many of today’s parents will eventually find themselves caught in the middle, offering four ways to start preparing yourself now.
2. Members of the Sandwich Generation face the very real possibility of burnout every day. Caregiving Clubshares seven ways you can beat burn-out.
3. Brighter Life has an insightful post on the common challenges facing Sandwich Gen-ers. Stress, financial struggles, time management and more–along with some strategies for overcoming those issues.
4. Everything Elder Law has an informative post on what it means to be part of the Sandwich Generation, including some startling facts and statistics.
5. Teenagers are challenging enough to parent, let alone try to juggle managing teenage angst while handling the struggles of caring for aging parents. Qualicareoffers up 10 guidelines for caring for teens and aging parents at the same time.
6. Sherri Snelling of the Caregiving Club and Diana Waugh, a RN and author of the book “I Was Thinking – Unlocking the door to successful conversations with loved ones with cognitive loss” weigh in with some insights on the juggling act–and the importance of open communication–at Blog Talk Radio.
7. The demographic is shifting, and the Sandwich Generation is under more pressure than ever. Leading industry expert Anthony Cirillo weighs in atAbout.com.
8. 8. Here are three expert tips on coping with being sandwiched in the middle of two generations from HuffPo author Ellen Dolgen.
9. 9. Should the Sandwich Generation really be called “The Pretzel Generation”?Because Hope Matters thinks so. Find out why!
10. Anthony Cirillo features a video on his personal blog, Who Moved My Dentures?, regarding the shifting demands and pressures of the Sandwich Generation from Boomers to Gen X-ers.

Continue the list here at Senior Homes Blog

Financial Advice for Grandchildren or children

 First published in the Globe and Mail  in November 

Mr. Brown is a 62-year-old former university lecturer (astronomy and data management). Recently, he created a smart money manifesto for his two daughters, sent a copy to the paper and it was published. He has some good advice. Here are Brown’s Rules, in a slightly edited form:

1. Spread the pain of saving and pleasure of spending over your whole life.
Don’t save so much now that you’re eating Kraft Dinner every night, and don’t spend so much now that you’re eating Kraft Dinner every night when you’re 75. Care for yourself equally at all ages.

2. Get out of debt and stay out of debt.
The only good debt is one where the value of what you bought increases more each year than the interest rate you’re paying. For most people, the only thing that does that is a house or property. Every other kind of debt gives your hard earned money to the bank or credit card company.

3. Come up with a realistic cost of retirement.
Estimate how much it would cost for you to live a simple but enjoyable retirement today (forget the world cruises), then estimate how much inflation will increase that number in 35 years. That’s your target. Remember that your mortgage will be paid off, but health-care costs will be higher.

4. Leave your home out of your retirement income plan.
You have to live somewhere all your life. I have watched a number of people sell their big homes and move into something smaller. In the end, most of them got very little cash out of the deal for one reason or another. There are too many places for it to leak away. Choose a house that is just the right size for your family and resist getting something bigger. It just costs more to operate and maintain. Do not be house rich and cash poor.

5. Hire an investment planner who does not sell any investment products of any kind.
These people charge by the hour. That’s their only income, so they have to provide value for money the first time and every time you meet with them. Anyone who also sells a product can’t help but be biased. It’s just human nature.

6. Don’t plan for inheritance, lottery winnings or other windfalls to fund your retirement.
It’s wonderful if they come to pass, but for most people they do not. You can’t bank on them.

7. Diversify.
Have at least three to four different investment types, so that if one chokes, the others will carry you through. Stocks, bonds, private property other than your home, and long-term bank savings are a good mix to consider.

8. Plan to be in your investments for 50 years or more.
Your kids can inherit what you don’t use.

9. Don’t try to time investment ups and downs when buying and selling.
That’s gambling. Buy a little bit every month, or every three months. Over 50 years all the ups and downs will average out.

10. Don’t assume everything will work out on its own.
It won’t. Retirement planning takes clear vision and steady effort year after year. You will have to give up some of life’s pleasures today in order to have them later. Don’t gamble with your future. Kraft Dinner is only fun once in a while.

11. Don’t gamble with individual stocks. Buy whole stock markets.
Stocks are an important part of every investment plan. Over the years they go up not just with productivity but also with inflation so they protect you against that. The main problem with stocks is that people buy just a few different companies they like. Unless you have had many years of financial training, that’s pure gambling.

Buy whole stock markets. For example, buy a low cost mutual fund or exchange-traded fund that tracks the entire stock market. These are called index funds and they track indexes with hundreds of stocks.

12. Don’t worry if markets crash.
Never panic sell – that is a guaranteed way to lose money. Markets always go up again. It just takes some time. Sometimes, if I have a little cash lying around, I buy a little extra when the market crashes.

Travel sites for Boomers

At this time of year, winter is starting to take over from fall, and thoughts turn to travel or planning to travel, to get away from the dark days of  rain and snow that ensure the west coast is kept green in the spring, summer and fall of the year. But in the deep winter, my soul years for warmer climes and so planning for travel becomes a priority.

My thanks to Helen Cockrell, whose blog is Lets Age Well, it ain't the Age, its the Attitude   She has a wonderful perspective on aging so I would recommend her blog to you.

So, anyway, I thought I would share our favourite planning websites.  I know I always like it when I start working on a project like a trip, and everything is all in one place.   Most of the sites are available for anyone to use, although they do tend to be targeted toward Boomer travellers  You will find good information, discounts and deals on them.  Have a great trip!!

• Baby Boomers Traveling – This is a great site for the latest information on things like gas prices, or currency exchange rates. Good tips from folks who’ve been there.

• My Itchy Travel Feet  – One of the best travel sites around, for boomers or anyone. Great advice on what to bring, where to go and what to watch out for.

• Baby Boomer Trips  – Great trip ideas, discounts, advice, etc.

• Velvet Escape  – This is a general travel site, but has wonderful advice and information on exotic locales all over the world. Comprehensive information and the areas, accommodations, and things to do.

• AARP Travel  – AARP always does these sites well and this one is no exception. Very good details, discounts, and information.

• Vacations to Go  – We use this one often to book our trips. Can really get some good deals for package trips here.

• Cruise Critic  – This is a good site for cruise deals.

• Senior Travel  – This is a good site if you’re an older Boomer, especially for discounts and deals.

• TravelZoo  This is a subscription service or you can go to their website. travelzoo is a global Internet company, their team researches, evaluates and tests thousands of deals to find those with true value. Every week they recommend only deals whose accuracy and availability tehey can confirm. With over 26 million subscribers, we are the largest publisher of deals on the Internet.

Understanding Baby Boomers Aging Minds

As the Baby Boomer Generation grows older there are progressive changes in how we process information.

With the Baby Boomer market at 76 million people and representing 34% of the market, Baby Boomers are a serious target population for lots and lots of products and services. However, the key to our pocketbook is in a better understanding of our minds.

Baby Boomers first impressions are emotionally based rather that fact and benefit based as younger generations are. We are more resistant to absolute propositions with less reliance on reason and more on intuition to determine what is of interest to us. We effectively respond to images that promote strong positive emotional responses.

As Baby Boomers grow older our perceptions are more holistic are respond better to nonverbal symbol. We are becoming more receptive to narrative-styled presentations of information and less responsive to information presented in expository style. After a matter qualifies for our interest and further attention, Baby Boomers tend to want more information than do younger consumers.

Gerontologists tell us that as Baby Boomers age, we develop:
• A superior perception of reality
• Less interest in material things
• More interest in having experiences
• Increased acceptance of self
• Increased wisdom
• Higher capacity for humor
• Increased spontaneity
• Increased appreciation for friendships
• Increased desire to do for others
• Increased sense of fair play and fairness
• Increased creativity
• Changes in our value system

Therefore, any business that wants to win Baby Boomers as customers has to constantly create new and different ways to enable us to realize value. Source for this article is the Baby Boomer Magazine

The 50's misremembered with fondness

Memories of a time that existed only in our memories, while this is a fun video to watch, it is not a realistic view of the times.

However, fun and memories, are sometimes better than the reality. For some, this video is what they may remember but I believe this is but a reflection of a time that as youngsters we remember as good times. For minorities, women, non-heterosexuals and others who were not in the majority, this was not a good time, no matter how we may remember or idolize the times. Enjoy this one persons view of the past, I did even though I lived a different reality than the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDc0ID6PJeg&feature=share 

http://youtu.be/sDc0ID6PJeg 

Thinking about estate planning

I am big believer in the old adage "If you build it they will come."

I was talking to my physiotherapist and she told me she was leaving the clinic to take another opportunity. I congratulated her and said that I believe that opportunities are always knocking at one's door.

The problem is that most of the time, we are not in a receptive state of mind to see them. I said to her that since she had seen the opportunity she was ready to move on and that was a positive situation. I will have another physiotherapist assigned to me and I look forward to that. Change is good.

After that conversation, for some reason I started thinking about estate planning and came across some ideas and information that I think would be useful for that process.  The first is an article in the Wall Street Journal here called the 25 documents you will need before you die. The second is the Estate Document organizer website  The following is from the website and the link to the site is here

Hello, welcome to the Estate Documents Organizer, a master-planned, 3-ring binder with A-Z tabs and easy-fill forms.  I created this system for myself and my family to save time and stress in the estate management process. This modernized documents organizer includes the newly recognized field of digital assets--your "online life." Both my family and our professional adviser's feel this is an invaluable tool. Emergency Preparedness and  peace of mind for the future are gifts I want to share with you.  

The importance of an occupation after retirement

The importance of an occupation after retirement

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Metcalfe is such a person:

THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:
 
"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?'

Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine.

It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."

Harold is an inspiration to us

Blogs for Boomers

Over the last few months I have been looking at a number of blogs written for boomers by boomers and found the following to be interesting, well written and timely. Please take a look and enjoy:
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Boomer Cafe - For eleven years, this online magazine has provided lots of relevant information to baby boomers. One of the most popular online magazine for boomers, they have 41 contributors that provide compelling content on a variety of issues This blog posts every few days not on a regular basis, which I find as a problem.

Midlife Bloggers - This is a cutting edge blog that deals with all things about midlife with sharp writing and humor mixed in. It believes its demographic is between late 30's to late 60's. There are posts dealing with careers, health, relationships and current events from the midlife perspective. Another blog that does not offer posts on a regular basis,but when it does post they have some interesting ideas.

The Fifty Factor - The blog's author was not happy when she turned 50 and decided to start a blog to chronicle her search for meaning in midlife. Humorous and informative, you're bound to learn something new when you visit this blog.

Twenty Four at Heart - 40-something Orange County native, Suzanne, gives us a humorous glimpse into her daily life. Her friendly writing style and funny observations about life in the OC make this a great blog to check out.

The Boomer Chronicles - This blog provides an ecclectic variety of posts that give a snapshot into the life of Rhea, a former People magazine correspondent. Be sure to check out her handy checklist entitled "Are You Having a Midlife Crisis?
"
Midlife Crisis Queen - A blog created by Life Coach Laura Lee. Devoted to helping others get through their own midlife crisis, Laura provides helpful advice on a variety of subjects
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The New Old Age - A great blog of the New York Times devoted to everything boomer. This blog discusses various eldercare care issues that boomers are dealing with right now. Helpful resources on aging and caregiving are provided as well as a whole range of special reports and reference materials on a variety of health issues.

Time Goes By - The blog's subtitle "what it's really like to get older" describes perfectly the purpose of this blog. Refreshing perspective and Intelligent commentary on subjects ranging from politics to coming to terms with aging.

The Boomer Blog - Run by veteran PR professionals, this blog offers a wealth of information about every aspect of the baby boomer generation. Provides a daily snapshot of news and current events and how it impacts the baby boomer generation. Be sure to check out their research section for some interesting facts about boomers.

Of course, this list is just scratching the surface of the many choices out there when it comes to baby boomer blogs. Also, BlogCatalog.com is a good place to go if you're looking for even more choices of blogs from this influential generation.

Time to stop bashing the Boomers

On July 30th, Brent Green, in his interesting and insightful Blog--Boomers wrote the following as a response to an op ed piece by Bill Keller of the New York Times. The full post is here. I think the bashing will continue as it is easier at the political level, to blame someone for the mess, rather than take responsibility for trying to fix the problem. Boomers are an easy target because we are a large group, and we are somewhat unaware of parts of our own history. This is an interesting blog and many more of boomers should be speaking out as Brent is doing.


Bill Keller, an Op-Ed columnist for The New York Times, painstakingly summed up his baby boom birth cohort as “The Entitled Generation.” This snippy criticism is typical of jeremiads written by and for Boomers to portray unseemly conclusions about the nation’s largest generation.



So writes the columnist from on high, “We are an entitled bunch.”


Keller’s views fall way short of balance. For example, while warning of and alleging future entitlement fund shortfalls to be imposed by the generation, he neglected to mention the Greenspan Commission, which in 1983 increased Social Security withholding from 9.35% in 1981-83 to 15.3% by 1990.


...Keller also trotted out a cursory summary of Boomer bashing, from Paul Begala’s Esquire diatribe “The Worst Generation” to ignoble actions of Clinton and Bush, the Boomer presidents who were either morally clumsy (Clinton’s Monicagate) or brashly deficit inflating (Bush’s Medicare Part D drug benefit).

Keller’s snarky criticism skirts mentioning the extent to which the Boomer generation has propelled the consumer economy for the last forty years, while standouts from the generation have created enduring business legacies such as Microsoft, Apple, Starbucks and Whole Foods.

Encouraging the Boomer generation to take corrective action by rubbing faces into threadbare criticisms of this generation’s alleged turpitude is not the way to motivate Boomers. Boomer bashing articles lacking journalist balance are neither fair nor accurate nor potentially effective.