Who did you say you were?

I read this and thought I would pass it on along with a link to the blog, where it was originally posted.  I found this to be very powerful

It happened … one day last weekend…. I was driving down our street with Bill, my husband who has dementia, and he said, “that’s our place there on the right.”
Rather dryly I responded ,“yes I know. I’ve been there many times.”
“You have?” he asked.
At that point I turned to look at him directly to see if he was kidding me. He wasn’t. His face was straight and serious.

“Do you know who I am,” I asked. “No,” he said. “Who are you?”
I can’t describe how I felt at that moment. Panic-stricken I guess. Friends had been asking me if Bill still recognized me and I had been shrugging it off with a quick “of course.” I wonder if I’ve been in denial about his dementia for the past two years.


As we pulled into the driveway I decided to resort to one of my two regular defence mechanisms: humour and faking it. I chose faking it.

We came in and unloaded a couple of groceries. Because it was a wet and chilly day, I put on the fireplace and we sat down in the living room to work on our jigsaw puzzle.

After a few minutes of silence Bill said, “You’re a very nice person.”

I nodded a sort of thank-you. Then he picked up the TV clicker and tried to dial out with it (he often gets it mixed up with the phone).

“Who are you trying to call?”“Pauline. It’s not like her to not call on her way home.”



Now I was really in a panic.

I finally said, “I am Pauline, your wife. We’ve been married for 22 years.”

The look that came back at me was absolutely incredulous.

“You are? We have? Why didn’t I know?”

So I went back to silence and found a few more jigsaw puzzle pieces that fit. Hell, I needed something to fit!

After dinner, Bill started it again, saying he really loved his wife and if it weren’t for her, he would be quite interested in me because I’m so nice. But he wanted me to know that we could never have anything together because he’s happily married.


Realizing it was almost bedtime, a wave of fear washed over me. If he doesn’t think I’m his wife, and he’s so faithful to her (I did smile to myself at that thought), then where are we going to sleep? Would he try to push me out of bed?

I stayed as normal as possible, got into my pajamas and threw my clothes into the laundry basket, as usual.

Bill said, “Pauline does all our laundry. She’ll wonder about those clothes in there.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it,” I said.


The actual showdown came when I got into bed. He stood in the middle of the room and asked what I was doing. I said I was going to sleep, to which he replied, “but you can’t sleep there. That’s my wife’s place.”

Taking a big gamble I said, “I know you don’t understand this, because you have a disease in your brain and you can’t help it, but I am your wife. I am Pauline. If you don’t want to sleep with me, you can go to sleep in the spare room. I don’t plan to give up my bed.”

“Oh,” Bill said and came to bed quietly (Phew!)

The next day nothing more was said on the subject. I didn’t know who I was that day and I was afraid to ask.

Today I’m back to being Pauline.

For how long I wonder?

Published: March 24, 2012 10:00 AM by Pauline Buck Pauline Buck is a local blogger and columnist at http://www.homeontheranch.info/ which is a blog as described by th author as A running dialogue - some humour, some poignant, about moving from the city to the farm; life with a husband who has dementia, and being a happy retired baby boomer. Love my OAP and CPP)

Is loss of memory a given?

Like many my age, I worry about my memory.  One of my friends has Alzeimers and I have talked about him in other posts. His memory is getting worse, and he is beginning to loose his sense of who he is now.

Many of my friends notice that from time to time they forget things like a name, face, or where they put their keys. We wonder is this normal and what do we have to do to keep my brain sharp.  By the way according to AARP, the number one priority of 94 percent of people as they age is, "keeping my brain sharp." So me and my friends are not thinking out of the norm when we worry.

Dharma Singh Khalsa, president and medical director of The Alzheimer's Research and Prevention Foundation believes that we are not doomed to lose our memory  and here are his reasons and his ideas on how to maintain memory with age.

There are actions or lifestyle measures that you can take that to maintain your mental sharpness with age.  Here are the main ideas:

1. Keep your brain strong. This is called building cognitive reserve or resiliency. To do that, you must discover ways to keep your brain blood flow optimal and your brain big. Why? Brain shrinkage in key areas such as your memory center, or hippocampus, leads to memory loss.
2. Mind the gap, the place where your nerve cells communicate known as the synapse. To stay sharp with age, you have to help your all-important brain chemicals, called neurotransmitters, remain in abundance. That will give you the spark that is the hallmark of a youthful brain.
3. Love your genes. Many people still think that the genes you inherit determine your health. But many recent studies have revealed that not all people with the Alzheimer's gene for example, come down with the disease. There are lifestyle measures that you can follow that will keep your genes healthy.
4. Create high levels of well-being. It has been shown, for example, that people who are happy, spiritually attuned, and have a clear picture of their mission in life have less Alzheimer's.

It's time to change the channel on thinking that memory loss is normal with age. We are not doomed! For one thing, subjective complaints can be caused by conditions such as depression that may not be progressive. Moreover, there are many things you can do to keep your mind strong starting right now. Put your health first, make a plan and stick to it. I'll have more to share in future articles on how you can do just that.

To discover more about the work of Dharma Singh Khalsa, M.D. and receive 2 free e-books please go to www.drdharma.com. To learn more about his groundbreaking research, please go to www.alzheimersprevention.org.


Modern Aging: Know the 10 signs of Alzheimer's

By: SHERRY PETERSON, KATIE GILSTRAP, published in the Richmond Times dispatch on December 10

 

Many of us will be visiting parents and other aging family members this holiday season. And while preparing for those visits may include cooking, wrapping and packing, it also might include familiarizing yourself with the 10 warning signs of Alzheimer's disease:

• Memory loss that disrupts daily life. People with Alzheimer's often forget recently learned information.
• Challenges in planning or solving problems. They may have trouble following a familiar recipe or tracking monthly bills
• Difficulty completing familiar tasks at home, work or at leisure, such as using a microwave.Confusion with time or place. Losing track of dates, seasons and the passage of time.
• Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships. Difficulty reading, judging distance and determining color or contrast.
• New problems with words. Struggling with vocabulary, problems finding the right word or calling things by the wrong name.
• Misplacing things; unable to retrace steps.
• Decreased or poor judgment. Changes in judgment or decision-making.
• Withdrawal from work or social activities. Removing themselves from hobbies, social activities, projects or sports.
• Changes in mood and personality. The mood and personalities of people with Alzheimer's can change. They may develop very specific ways of doing things and become irritable when a routine is disrupted.

If you notice any of these signs, encourage your loved one to schedule a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. Early diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease or other dementias will help your loved one get the maximum benefit from available treatments as well as offer your family more time to plan for the future.

For information on Alzheimer's disease and support resources, visit liftcaregiving.com.

World Alzheimer's Month

This September, the Alzheimer's Association is observing the inaugural World Alzheimer's Month. In previous years, we joined organizations and individuals around the globe to recognize World Alzheimer's Day on Sept. 21. This year, due to the soaring global prevalence and costs of Alzheimer's disease worldwide, we are designating the entire month of September as World Alzheimer's Month. The end of Alzheimer's starts with you. And it starts Sept. 1. Learn more about World Alzheimer's Month and how you can get involved.