Skills we should keep or lose 4

 As computerization continues formerly essential skills like writing or being a human calculator have perished. It’s hard to get a bead on whether good grammar in writing is actually going extinct, or if op-ed writers just think it is.

I use Twitter now for some of my posts, but when it first came out, I did not use it because I could never get used to using only a few characters to get an idea out. I am not that smart or precise in my writing. Language is constantly evolving and therefore, so is grammar. An article published by Reader’s Digest discusses a few significant changes.

Twitter and cell phones, allow us to be lazy and use emojis and acronyms to get our message out. This has shortened many people’s written communication style. In the same line, as more people communicate over screens, extra letters may be added to certain words to add emphasis: “Mom, it’s fiiiiine.”  Adding the letters convey, to me at least, an attempt to be sarcastic or rude.

Many people do not identify themselves as many in my generation did. The use of more inclusive pronouns and descriptors such as the gender-neutral they/them — is becoming more and more common. Several grammar authorities including the Associated Press and the Chicago Manual of Style now recognize the singular “they” as the default pronoun over “he.”

In punctuation news, the misuse of the apostrophe — such as “its versus it’s” — has become more common than its proper use; exclamation marks are becoming a common courtesy; and using a period can make or break the tone of your messages.

While this may cause grammar purists to shake their heads in dismay, these “lang-mods” seem to be here to stay. Language is evolving and over time what we see as lazy, rude or impertinent will be seen as normal. Formal writing will still be needed to help keep things clear, but formal writing may be seen as the fine pint, and not read by many. I struggle with the new grammar and hope that It goes away, but I know it won’t.

The presumption at all times is...

The presumption at all times and under all circumstances should always be that you are good enough, worthy enough, and lovable enough. And that you are exactly the right kind of person, in the right place, at the right time.

A whimsical look at the future

How'd you like a little peek into the future?

You're sitting around a warm and cozy fireplace surrounded by friends and boisterous laughter. Early-morning snow gently falling across the countryside is visible from the enormous, ceiling-high windows beside you. Everyone is sipping hot chocolate, and reminiscing about the fabulous circumstances that have brought you together, brimming with even more excitement for times to come. And then you chime in, "If only we knew how inevitable this all was, we never would have worried so much. If only we had the slightest inkling that our challenges, lacks, and issues would sooner make possible the whirlwind of events that swiftly followed… we'd have been as proud then, as we are now." 

And then everyone nods and laughs thoughtfully, and starts taking selfies.

Daydream believer

I daydream and did so when I was younger. I think daydreaming is an important skill. Today some people call daydreaming visualization. The two are similar but different, visualization is a practical approach to goal setting, while a daydream expands your imagination and can be a whimsical time. You know that sometimes when you visualize,  you end up daydreaming, too?

Or when you finally remember to perform an act of faith, it feels kind of hokey?

Or sometimes you catch yourself worrying, or thinking too much about the past, or wondering whether or not you have invisible limiting beliefs holding you back?

Well, that's exactly what all of us go through (especially the good-looking ones). But they arrive where they want to be, in spite of all of the above, and so will you.

Fears a lot like Billboard

Have you noticed it, too? How fears are a lot like highway billboards?

The faster you're moving, the quicker they approach, the larger they get, and the more they block your view of what's real and alive. To the point that they tower above you, larger than life itself, giving you pause and more reason than ever to turn around and retreat to safety.

Yet if you muster the courage to stay the course, in just a blink they're behind you, put into proper perspective. And then as quickly as they appeared, they completely vanish.

If you want to stay the course, then please, just stay the course and your fears will soon be behind you.

Have you wondered?

Have you ever wonder what the world would be like without you?

Who would shine a light into all the dark corners you now illuminate? Who would comfort, guide, and inspire all those you now reach? Who would smile to those who need yours the most?

Think of the people around you, they do.

All the time.

If you think of the world without you, it ain't pretty.

Here’s lookin’ at you, and remember you are a positive force and you mean a lot to the people who care for you. Don't forget it.

Kindness Prevails

Always, kindness prevails.

No matter how things appear, nor how humbling a task, nor how unkind others have been; be kind.

Did you ever skip school?

I did once or twice when I was in high school and more than a few times at University. When I was teaching I had students who took the day off as I did. The issue was that when I took my time off and when my students took their time off, we did not accomplish anything. Maybe that was the idea. 

Back in 1986, the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off came out and it was a big hit with the kids. In it, Ferris and two friends skip school they “obtain” a Ferrari and they meander around Chicago, catching a baseball game, dining at a fancy restaurant, and joining a parade. They had an ideal day, they used the idea of “carpe diem” — to seize the day and have the time of their life. My question to you is are you having the time of your life — or are you wasting the time of your life? Are you seizing the day — or waiting for someday to come?

If you decide to take the day, your first question should not be, “What am I going to do with this day that I am taking for myself?” The question to ask is, "What aren’t I going to do?”

When considering how to spend your day perhaps it can be easier to start with what you aren’t going to do. You get to do exactly as you please, so use your imagination. Are you thinking, “I’ve got so much going on, there’s no way I can take a day off.” If that’s the case with you, take an hour break. What would give you a well-deserved break from all the things you have to do?

It’s not selfish to carve out an hour to do something you enjoy; it can compensate for parts of your life you can’t control.

Xmas bills arriving, time to get control

We are two weeks into 2019, and the Xmas bills may be just starting to arrive. Hopefully, the Christmas season was not one where control was lost and more money spent than anticipated. 

Life is expensive, especially during the festive season. We want to be generous and be seen as giving, but that is no excuse for using credit cards to support your lifestyle. Credit card debt is not a fact of life or should not be a fact of life.  We have the ability to save for our next purchase or we have the ability to put off instant gratification if we use self-discipline. This may come as a shock but we can save up in advance for a vacation or new kitchen appliances.

A survey done in 2016 in the US found that Americans cite credit card debt more often than any other form of debt. Of those respondents that have debt:

• 62 percent have credit card payments
• 32 percent have car loans
• 29 percent have home loans
• 19 percent have medical bills
• 19 percent have student loans
• 13 percent have personal loans

According to Nerdwallet, the average household that’s carrying credit card debt has a balance of $15,482. Households with any kind of debt owe $134,058 (including mortgages), on average.

Nothing can ruin your finances quite like high-interest credit card debt compounding every month. Credit card debt comes with a cost. The average household with revolving credit card debt pays $904 in interest annually. 

Stop everything and assess your income and expenses. Cut discretionary spending, put any savings plans on hold, and throw every cent towards your highest interest debt until it’s gone, you only have yourself to thank when you have taken control. Make this one of your late New Year's resolutions.

Shine on harvest moon

Life is wonderful, full of love, laughter and joy especially at this time of year. But for many, this time of year is a time of darkness and pain. This is the time of the year that those of us who have light in our lives want to reach out and help those who are in pain. 

Some people welcome the help while others reject the help. I wondered why and then I realized that in the short run, there are two types of people who live in darkness:

1. those who are desperate to emerge
2. and those who are desperate to stay.

Our role is to reach out to those who are desperate to emerge from the darkness. By helping to shine your light for the first type of person you will enable them to move out of the darkness. 

It may be hard, but we have to stop worrying about the second type of person and what they may say or think. Shine your little heart out for those who want to emerge into the joy and wonder of life at this time of year. One day those who are desperate to stay will become desperate to emerge and you will be there for them as well.

Managing Stress and Time

Controlling stress and time is a worthwhile accomplishment that all must control in order to reach victory. Each day we awake, we begin by emphasizing our need to meet deadlines, demands grab our attention, and we stress over finding the balance to spend with our family, selves and friends. 

To some of us achieving, the correct balance seems practically impossible since there are only 24-hours in a single day and at least of eight of those hours are consumed with sleep. The challenge of managing stress and time creates many obstacles, and for some of the times, we find it hard to maintain the balance we need. 

Stress is a direct result of not handling your passions in accordance to with the many stressors that overwhelm you. The key is finding a solution to get in touch with your emotions. When your emotions are prone to sudden outburst, you often suffer tremendously. Control of our emotions affects how we hear people talk, and how we talk to people. 

This lack of emotional control is called irrational behaviour since your mind is not being used fully. Our emotions are a strong force and we need to take control of them to get on with our lives. If we have too many negative emotions, it affects our ability to manage time since negative emotions put fear and doubt into our heads.

You are responsible for all of your decisions and behaviours, and that stress can be the product of irrational thinking. By learning how to think rationally as well as holding a positive outlook on life, it is possible to control stress and manage your time. 

To learn to think rationally and be positive, we must practice. How do you practice? One way is to take a few minutes per day to tell have some positive self-talk. Tell yourself that you are responsible and that you have full control of your mind and the decisions you make. Tell yourself that you have control of your behaviour and no one else can control you.  Over time you will soon realize that you are making wiser decisions. You are learning that you can trust self and accept that we all make mistakes.

We all make mistakes they are common, but the key to success is learning from your mistakes. If you are stressed as a consequence of too much happening in your workplace, your home, and your world, then you may need to find time and space for yourself. This means that your time management will need thoughtful planning so you can build in time for yourself. In that time you can work on how to manage the stress in your life. 

Under stress, many put off dealing with their responsibilities. When this is done, it actually creates more problems. When you create your plan for dealing with all of the stressors in your life it is important that you start to take action as soon as possible. The action you take is the process of making something work. When you are working toward goals, things may not run smoothly because your plan is in place but you will be in a position to deal with any problems as they come up.

Take time out each day to think positive. Negative self-talk is harmful and you should make sure you eliminate it from use. Remember, risks are fine and taking risks is a part of life. and by controlling your emotions, you can reduce your stress and by controlling your time you can reduce your stress and move toward meeting your goals.

Life's serendipities or some magical rendezvous

Right this very moment, on a distant farm, there basks a fig, a nut, or a berry, whose very life force will soon be your own. But that's not all...

Right this very moment, there's a gorgeous home on a splendid property with a spectacular view, whose roof will someday give you shelter. But that's not all...

Right this very moment, there are beautiful souls on our beautiful planet, whom you do not even know, yet through your meanderings and theirs, paths will cross, love will be shared, and eternal friendships will be created. 

And nothing you do, or don't do, can prevent these serendipities I've just shared and so, so many more.

Let life flow over you and enjoy these serendipities as they happen and learn to adjust your attitude. Retirement is a new way of looking at life. Enjoy

Looking for love in all the wrong places

Sometimes having more fun and being happier comes from looking for another or for ourselves in crazy, new places; instead of waiting for people to come to us. Life is an adventure and one where it is sometimes difficult to go back. We need to look for fun, and excitement not where you've found them before or where others are now finding them now but in new and crazy places.

And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing.

What does stretching, reaching and growing mean to you? Everyone has a different idea of what this means. For some stretching may mean reading a new genre of literature, moving from the genre of poetry to the genre of Philosophy, for example. For some stretching, this may mean, expanding a bucket list and going out and jumping from a plane or going white water rafting. For some, it may mean reaching out and saying I ‘m sorry to an old friend who became an enemy over an imagined wrong. For some, it may mean taking a risk and telling someone special that they are loved and wanted. We all have our own standards of crazy and what may mean crazy to you is not crazy to me. Life is too short to hold grudges or to be afraid to take a risk.

Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness is part of the responsibility we have as we move through life. Others can add to our sense of well being, but cannot make us happy. We are the only ones that can make ourselves happy. To do this sometimes we have to be totally accepting and trusting of others. We have to reach for even higher ideals. Philosophically taking ourselves to places where we have not yet dared to go.

Family time

Failure can happen at any time and at any place. There is no reason why anyone should be alarmed when they find that failure has hit them.  It can come in many shapes and sizes and for just about any reason that can be thought of. Dealing with failure is something that we all can do if we have the support and the help that we need.

Family failure can be very disappointing.  We may not think that this can happen to us but it really can.  There are many people that are going through changes in their life and they have no way of deciding what is good for them and what is not.  There can be things that make it hard to cope with life depending on what they are and how well we can deal with them.

Dealing with failure in a family is one thing that many people are learning to do with the help of others. Having the right type of support that you can feel good about is going to help you be the better person that you want. There are many different ways to make failure disappear.  As long as you are going about this in the right way you will be ready for anything at any time.  Figure out what you want and how you want to go about getting there and then make it happen no matter what.

Families have issues all the time.  This is nothing new to life.  Many times we may think that this is only happening to us and that it has never been a problem for anyone else. However, this is not the case. We all go through problems and it is important to work with them and make the changes that are needed. Giving ourselves the preparation that we need to make it through difficult times can make all the difference to us in life.

We all want to have the best in life although it is not always easy. Figure out the way that you want to go about this all and how you can make things better.  Once you have it all figured out you will be better able to take on the challenges that can make you crazy.  You should work hard at what you want and never give up no matter what is going on.  Once you have the method worked out you will have a better shot at making things better for you and all that you need.

Failure is something that is going to happen no matter what we do.  The only thing that we can do is preparing for it and keeps positive. Never let the negative feelings take over our minds.  This can only make things worse and it will put us in a depression mode.  We need to stay focused and strong when it comes to what we want.  Never let anyone tell you that you are not important and that you are a failure.  You deserve to be respected and use what you have learned to be better and more successful no matter what happens in your family.

A family is the most important thing that we can have in our life. We have to realize that our family is something that can support us and give us what we need.  If we are not finding everything that we need in life we should work hard at using what we have learned to make it better. There is no reason to get worked up as long as we use our support system and know what we want in life.  Being a great success can happen for any of us no matter how many failures we have had in the past.  

All you can do is dance

We all work hard to achieve our goals, we sacrifice, we worry, we wonder if we will ever achieve our dreams. Those of us who are visual, visualize and make our dreams come to life, through images and video. Others of us, who are auditory, create a sound stage on which we listen to the sounds of our success and we glow in the strength of that sound. Those of us who are Kinesthetic create the feeling of success in our interactions with others. No matter how we see, feel or hear our success, those who are jealous of our hard work and stubborn focus on our goals will take notice once we achieve our dreams.  

You know what they're going to do, don't you? And you do know what they're going to say?

Yeah, once you have consistently spend some time visualizing, creating our feelings or listening to the sounds of success, every day, doing the "all you can with what you've got" dance, and pushing yourself to live the life of your dreams to any degree that you now can, so that the floodgates fly open and you have your dream home, your dream work, and your dream friends.

They're gonna give you that long, cold glance out of the corner of their eyes and say in a long, drawn-out voice, just loud enough for you to hear, "Must... be... nice..."

Just warning you not to let those naysayers ruin your day. In fact, invite them to celebrate with you.

Wake up!

Wake up! Remember what excites you! Think of these things, those friends, and the adventures that can be yours! Think of the old friends who travel life’s road with you, think of the new friends you will encounter when you start the next adventure. Retirement is not meant to be a time of doing nothing. It is 30 to 40 years of new adventures, new opportunities, that only you can imagine.

Focus. As you moved through the two previous boxes of life, school, and work the boundaries of the boxes were created for you by others (unless you were a very innovative entrepreneur). The third box of life retirement allows you to create the boundaries of your own making, if only you focus on the big picture.

Care. Passion is something that all of us had at one point in our lives, we had a passion for our friends, our loves, our hobbies, or our jobs. We cared deeply about life and issues. When we retire, we need to dig deep to find that same caring and passion that we had when we were young. Age and experience can make a person jaded, so as you approach retirement, it is time to cast your mind back to when you really cared and capture that feeling again, so you can embrace life.

Fantasize. Imagine. It's all so near. Speak as if you're ready. Paste new pictures in your scrapbook, on your vision board, and around your home and office.

Physically prepare for the changes that you wish to experience in your life. Enjoy the last box of life and continue to break away from the pack. You've done this before. You know it works. You're due for an encore. It's time to amaze. That's why you're here

Try and Fail and Try again

Better to try and fail, than forever wonder what might have been….

Not that there’s really any failing because in the journey you will love and be loved, get nearer your goal, and probably realize that you should have dreamed bigger, to begin with, as you pluck that baby from the tree of life on a subsequent go around.

Stop trying to keep up with others

As March roles in a springtime thought for you. 

When I was younger for a time chased after the things of life. I thought that was what you were supposed to do, but I was wrong.

It took me a long time to learn that everyone is on a different path. If you keep chasing after the things or the life you think you’re supposed to have just because it seems everyone else does, you’ll lose yourself and not even know what you’re chasing or why you are chasing. 

I learned over time that some things just need time to breathe and grow and it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you continue to breathe, grow and stop to smell the flowers.

Bad Habits in Relationships

People often come to relationships with bad habits when it comes to getting along with another person. They may have every intention of making a relationship work, but ingrained trends stop them from truly connecting. There are many such bad habits.

Jealousy plagues many otherwise good relationships. A boyfriend might always suspect his girlfriend of going around with other men. Or, it could be more subtle. A woman may suspect that her husband is constantly looking for another female to take her place. In either case, the jealous person may have nothing really to worry about. This is when it gets to be nothing more than a bad habit.

Selective hearing is another problem that becomes a bad habit in relationships. People do not pay attention to each other's needs. One person will try to explain something that is important to them, and the other will say, "yes, yes," but will not really hear.

Then, when the first person says something the second person is interested in, suddenly they are in the conversation completely. This fosters feelings of hostility and is one of the relationships bad habits that can wear a couple down over time.

People can develop bad habits in long relationships if they lean too much on the other person. They can depend so much on the other person that they lose the ability to take care of themselves. A person in a relationship may become irresponsible at work because of it. They may feel that they are taken care of anyway, so it does not matter. These bad habits can take over every aspect of their lives.

Some couples fall into bad habits in their fighting. All healthy couples will disagree from time to time. Where bad habits come in is the way the arguments are conducted. One partner may have the bad habit of yelling at the top of her lungs.

Another partner may throw dishes instead. Still, another may bring up old arguments to try to hurt the other person. All these are bad habits in relationships because they are not productive forms of disagreement.

Many people in relationships get into the bad habits of nagging their partners. This has often been portrayed as a women's fault. However, men do it too. Sometimes, both parties in the relationship will nag each other. That makes for a very unhealthy relationship.

Blaming comes with its own price. This is a bad habit that erodes a relationship if it goes on too long. One person may be taking all the blame. In this case, that person's self-esteem can get to a very low point.

Other times, people can blame each other. If this happens, the usual result is a disconnect between the two partners. They do not want to be involved with someone who does not accept responsibility.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to purge yourself of your bad habits. The sooner you learn what you and your partner need to stay together, the better your bond will be.

This Amazing Musical 'Coffin Club'

Thanks to Ronnie over at Time Goes By for the idea. This video is a fun take on a very serious topic and arrived at the right time for me. Our family received some sad news just before Christmas that one of my young (age 25) Grand Nephews had been murdered (he was in the wrong place with the wrong person and was murdered). This is the third Christmas in a row that we have been faced with a family members death so close to the holidays.

When life takes you to dark places, there is always a glimmer of hope. 
I enjoy life’s serendipity moments. Finding humour in any situation is what makes life so surprising. The people in this video are full of life, energy and they have a wonderful sense of humour. This video takes a humorous look at how we face the end of life, and it is very enjoyable. I watched it and I was able to relate. In a few years, I will be 73 and I hope that the funerals will not come fast and furious as they claim in the video.  I was still able to laugh. Life is good even when faced with tough situations.

When I go, I do not plan to have a coffin as my wishes are to be cremated after the medical system takes all of my organs that can be used by the living. I do like the idea expressed in the video of personalizing your final resting place and the idea that you can save your family some money, by building your coffin yourself. I wonder how long this idea will take to spread to other communities. Another way the boomers are changing society.