Coping with Loneliness

In today’s society, many individuals live alone due to personal choices or life events like a spouse’s death or a relationship’s end. Loneliness is a common experience that can affect anyone, regardless of age, background, or circumstances. While it's natural to feel lonely at times, persistent feelings of loneliness can have negative effects on our mental and physical health.

Fortunately, there are many ways to cope with loneliness and improve our overall well-being. Here are some strategies you can try:

Giving your time and skills to others remains one of the most fulfilling ways to cope with loneliness. Today, you can explore not only in-person opportunities at hospitals, schools, and community centers but also virtual volunteer roles. Many organizations now offer remote positions, such as tutoring, online event hosting, or providing companionship via video calls to isolated seniors.

Grief is deeply personal, but knowing you’re not alone can make a difference. In 2024, it’s easier than ever to find support groups—both in-person and virtual—that focus on grief, loss, and loneliness. Websites like GriefShare, Reddit, or specific social media groups are excellent for connecting with others who understand your experience.

Mindfulness has become a widely recognized tool for coping with stress and emotional pain. Apps like Headspace or Calm provide guided meditations to help you process difficult emotions and find peace in the present moment. Establishing a routine of mindfulness can help you accept the emotions that come with grief and cultivate resilience.

Lifelong learning is easier than ever with the abundance of free or affordable online courses available. Platforms like Coursera and edX offer courses in a wide range of topics, from personal development to professional skills, providing both a mental challenge and a sense of accomplishment. Engaging in learning can be an excellent way to shift focus and find new purpose.

In 2024, it’s easier to maintain connections through social media, messaging apps, and video calls. Schedule regular virtual or in-person dinner dates with friends or family, use services like Meetup to find local groups that share your interests, or reconnect with people through technology to strengthen social bonds.

Getting outside and staying active remains critical to mental and physical health. However, now you can integrate tech tools like fitness trackers and apps that gamify exercise or help you join virtual walking groups. Exercise not only boosts mood but also helps break the cycle of isolation, whether through local fitness classes or nature-based activities like hiking or gardening.

Digital platforms now offer countless ways to stay engaged with hobbies, entertainment, and personal development. Whether you're exploring virtual museum tours, attending live-streamed theatre performances, or playing multiplayer games online, technology can help you find joy in new experiences. Consider apps like Goodreads for book recommendations, or explore YouTube for free tutorials on everything from art to cooking.

Recognize that it's okay to feel lonely and that you're not alone in your feelings. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience.

Challenge negative thoughts: When you're feeling lonely, it's easy to get caught up in negative thoughts. Challenge these thoughts by reframing them in a more positive or realistic light.

Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who support and care about you. This can include friends, family, or a therapist.

Practice forgiveness: Let go of any resentment or anger you may be holding onto. Forgiveness can help you move forward and reduce feelings of loneliness.

Remember, loneliness is a common experience that can be managed and overcome. By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can improve your mental and physical health and build a more fulfilling life.

The Chain of Loneliness

During this weekend, many will be planning their family Halloween celebrations, children and adults will be seeking out the best costumes and party planning will be in full swing, but there are some who will not join in to these celebrations. For some seniors and others, they will continue trying to break the chain of loneliness they feel bound within.

In the later stages of life, feelings of loneliness can often become a familiar companion. However, it is important to recognize that combating loneliness is crucial for overall well-being and happiness. By understanding the causes of loneliness and implementing proactive measures, we can break the chains of isolation and cultivate meaningful relationships in later life.

Loneliness in later life can arise from various factors such as retirement, loss of loved ones, health issues, reduced mobility, and changes in social roles. By acknowledging these causes, individuals can address them effectively. Retirement, for instance, may lead to a loss of purpose and decreased social interactions. Understanding the specific triggers of loneliness allows for the development of tailored strategies to combat it.

In an increasingly digital world, technology can be a powerful tool for connecting with others. Seniors can take advantage of social media platforms, online communities like Senior Chatters, and video chat applications to bridge geographical and physical gaps. Joining virtual interest groups or participating in online classes not only helps seniors build new relationships but also fosters a sense of belonging and shared interests.

Active involvement in community activities is a fantastic way to combat loneliness. Seniors can join local clubs, volunteer organizations, or community centers to engage in social interactions and pursue their passions. From gardening clubs to book clubs, these activities provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals, share experiences, and form lasting connections.

Support groups offer a safe and empathetic space for individuals facing similar challenges. Whether it's a grief support group or a club for individuals with specific health conditions, these groups can provide emotional support, practical advice, and a sense of camaraderie. Sharing experiences and listening to others' stories can help combat loneliness while fostering a supportive network.

Connecting with younger generations can bring fresh perspectives and meaningful relationships into seniors' lives. Opportunities for intergenerational interactions can be found in schools, universities, or community organizations. Mentoring programs, where seniors offer guidance to younger individuals, can create mutually beneficial relationships, fostering a sense of purpose and reducing loneliness.

While loneliness in later life can present significant challenges, it is important to remember that it is not insurmountable. By recognizing the causes of loneliness and taking proactive steps such as embracing technology, engaging in community activities, seeking support from groups, and fostering intergenerational connections, seniors can combat loneliness and create a fulfilling and connected life. Breaking the chains of loneliness is possible, and a vibrant and fulfilling social life awaits those who are willing to take the first step.

Please feel free to share your stories and experiences on overcoming loneliness in the comments below. Together, we can support and inspire one another to lead fulfilling lives in later years.

Loneliness at this time of year

 The existentialist philosopher Paul Tillich, said, “Our language… has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone.”

I enjoy solitude, not every day but for a few hours or sometimes for a few days. Periods of solitude help me focus and clear my mind. I know some people who get lonely, and when they do they become sad. This is a special time of the year for those who enjoy people. But it is also a lonely time of the year for those who feel cut off from friends and family. Many people my age have lost friends and family over the years. I know that people can feel just as lonely in a crowd as they can on their own and loneliness can be a terrible burden at this time of year. If you are lonely, do not be ashamed. The key, perhaps, is to not let that feeling take control: Loneliness doesn’t have to last forever, and nor should it.

The following quotes help present a different perspective on loneliness. So, for anyone feeling lonely, read on, and realize that loneliness doesn’t have to last too long.

Loneliness is only an opportunity to cut adrift and find yourself. — Bruce Lee

Many people need desperately to receive this message: “I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.” — Kurt Vonnegut

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being. — Hafiz, Persian poet

Peril, loneliness, an uncertain future, are not oppressive evils, so long as the frame is healthy and the faculties are employed; so long, especially, as Liberty lends us her wings, and Hope guides us by her star. — Charlotte Brontë

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.― Maya Angelou

When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. — Elizabeth Gilbert, author

I tell you loneliness is the thing to master. Courage and fear, love, and death are only parts of it and can easily be ruled afterwards. If I make myself master of my own loneliness there will be peace or safety: and perhaps these are the same. — Martha Gellhorn, writer

Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. — Janet Fitch, author

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better. — Henry Rollins

When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. — Tennessee Williams

Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is filled in when they come. But they’ve got to come. You can’t force them. — D. H. Lawrence

We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community. — Dorothy Day, journalist and social activist

That little-discussed subject — loneliness. That is a great taboo, isn't it? No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life. — Bill Murray

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.  — A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

Lonliness and isolation

 I belong to three senior groups that provide information and support for seniors, and the issue that keeps coming up over and over again is the issue of social isolation and loneliness for seniors.

The issue is not what we can do about it, or what causes it, but how do we identify those who are isolated and lonely. Many seniors live alone, because they have lost loved ones, but they live full and healthy lives, they are not lonely and not isolated. A recent study of a representative sample of Americans between the ages of 57 and 85 found that their average circle of friends was just under 4 people. However, one of the underlying factors determining the prevalence of people considered “isolated” is whether they live alone. According to a recent study by the National Council on Aging, an estimated 17% of all Americans over the age of 65 are isolated because they live alone, and face one or more barriers related to geographic location, language, or disability or income. One of the reasons may be that the older a person is, the more likely they are to have smaller networks, fewer primary network members, and more distant relationship ties.

Many researchers agree, however, that a solitary lifestyle alone is not an accurate indicator of isolation. A few studies have examined isolation in representative samples of older Americans, used a representative sample of older Americans to explore the relationship between loneliness and health. Isolation, defined as loneliness, was present among 16.9% of adults over 50 years old, 8.8% of which were considered chronically lonely. The prevalence of isolation has been explored internationally as well, with rates ranging from 2 to 20% among community-dwelling older adults (as opposed to those living in residential skilled settings).

Although a higher prevalence of isolation may occur at older ages, certain adaptations, such as increased interactions with neighbors and friends or use of technology, could serve as protective factors.

Our issue as organizations is that we do not have any good means to identify the 17% of seniors who self-identify as lonely. There is a lot of research that tells us what types of intervention work, but these interventions are used when people identify themselves as lonely. Because there is a stigma about mental health or asking for help for mental issues, in my generation and the older generations, there is a reluctance to identify as lonely as admitting it would be a sign of mental illness or being seen as weak.

Intervention types can be placed in the broad categories of one-on-one (professional or volunteer), group-focused (support groups, participation in group activities), or community-focused (village model, intergenerational intentional communities, modifying built environment).

One of the groups I am in used an intervention that incorporate technology by providing telephone support. Other interventions may be emailing with friends and family, facilitating communication or coordination of support with social network and group interventions virtual senior center, discussion group sessions held online, etc.

Most commonly targeted in terms of subjective isolation are loneliness and quality of relationships with social networks. Interventions targeting objective isolation often focus on size of social network (primary and secondary), frequency of interaction with contacts, and participation in socially engaging activities.

Loneliness can harm your health

We are social creatures. Social relationships and cooperation have fuelled the rapid ascent of human culture and civilization. However, we struggle when we are forced to live in isolation. The amount of loneliness has sped up in the past decade.

As one consequence, the UK has launched the ‘Campaign to End Loneliness’ – a network of over 600 national, regional, and local organizations that aim to create the right conditions for reducing loneliness in later life. Such efforts speak to the growing public recognition and political will to confront this evolving societal challenge.

These concerns are intensified if there are protracted cycles of social isolation enforced by national policy responses to extraordinary crises such as COVID-19. Social isolation in childhood and in late adulthood both impact on neurobiological architecture and functional organization. The ensuing loss of social and cognitive capacity has sizable public health outcomes. On the individual scale, this can result in people becoming less socially engaged. If social isolation during development or in older adults happens on a sufficiently large scale, it is likely to have significant consequences for community stability and social cohesion.

Social isolation at a massive scale risks creating many individuals who are less socially functional. It may be important to identify ways of mitigating the worst of the effects of social isolation to alleviate the consequences. One promising intervention would involve creating opportunities where mutual social support relationships (friendships) can develop naturally. By providing more opportunities for people to meet in friendly settings, new friendships may blossom.

Social neuroscientists undertook a longitudinal study of 332 matched adults who underwent regular training sessions. Several months of cognitive training improved empathy for others, which resulted in structural remodelling in brain regions belonging to the social brain network, including the frontoinsular network and the default mode network. There is an urgent need for further research to explore therapeutic interventions using the training of social capacities in socially deprived humans.

One important lesson is that joining clubs can have important benefits in reducing both a sense of loneliness and psychological or psychiatric conditions. One obvious solution is to encourage vulnerable individuals to join social groups and communities that suit their interests and abilities. Establishing a wide range of such clubs is likely to be much cheaper than paying for care homes.

Singing is known to have a dramatic, immediate effect on creating a sense of social engagement and elevating psychological well-being (the 'ice-breaker effect'). Vulnerable individuals could be encouraged to join choirs and community singing groups. Encouragement and funding may need to be invested in establishing a network of choirs. The use of video-embedded digital communication is likely to gain in importance. This is especially true where family and friendship groups cannot meet in the same space. The visual component of the interpersonal encounter appears to play a key role in creating a more satisfying experience of digital social media.

22 percent of Millennial's say they have “no friends”

I was aware of the issue of loneliness and how dangerous it is to the health and well being of our senior population. In fact, I am on a team looking at the issue of isolation and loneliness in my city. However, I was not aware that loneliness was an issue among Millennials until I read the following article by Brian Resnick Aug 1, 2019. For the full article go here, 

Today, members of the millennial generation are ages 23 to 38. These ought to be prime years of careers taking off and starting families before joints really begin to ache. Yet as a recent poll and some corresponding research indicate, there’s something missing for many in this generation: companionship.

A recent poll from YouGov, a polling firm and market research company, found that 30 percent of millennials say they feel lonely. This is the highest percentage of all the generations surveyed.

Furthermore, 22 percent of millennials in the poll said they had zero friends. Twenty-seven percent said they had “no close friends,” 30 percent said they have “no best friends,” and 25 percent said they have no acquaintances. (I wonder if the poll respondents have differing thoughts on what “acquaintance” means; I take it to mean “people you interact with now and then.”)

In comparison, just 16 percent of Gen Xers and 9 percent of baby boomers say they have no friends.

The poll, which looked at 1,254 adults 18 and up, did not report results for the up-and-coming Gen Z (who report high levels of loneliness on other surveys), or for the oldest adults in the country. And we should note: Loneliness tends to increase markedly after age 75; social isolation among the elderly remains a huge problem that will only grow worse as baby boomers age. So perhaps it’s not the case that millennials are the loneliest of all.

  

If this generation is truly lonelier, that’s concerning for a number of reasons: Research shows that loneliness tends to increase as we get older. What will happen to millennials, who are already reporting high levels of loneliness, when they reach old age?

But while there may be something particular happening with millennials, it’s also possible loneliness naturally ebbs and flows throughout life.  In 1990 a meta-analysis (a study of studies), which included data on 25,000 people, found that “loneliness was highest among young adults, declined over midlife, and increased modestly in old age.”

More recently, in a 2016 paper, researchers in Germany found a peak of loneliness in a sample of 16,000 Germans at around age 30, another around age 50, and then increasing again at age 80.

The bigger point, she said, was “researchers have ignored that loneliness can happen at any time.”

And that’s important. Because loneliness is bad for our health.

Loneliness is associated with higher blood pressure and heart disease — it literally breaks our hearts. A 2015 meta-review of 70 studies showed that loneliness increases the risk of dying by 26 percent. (Compare that to depression and anxiety, which is associated with a comparable 21 percent increase in mortality.) There’s evidence that chronic loneliness can turn on genes involved with inflammation, which can be a risk factor for heart disease and cancer.

Make no mistake: We need the stress. We need some amount of loneliness. The pain of loneliness is a reminder that we are social creatures who need other people. It’s also important to recognize that loneliness isn’t the same as having a few friends. It’s the perceived social isolation that harms us. We can certainly have fulfilling, protective relationships with just a few people.

“As long as we then do what we should do — reconnect with people — then loneliness is a good thing,” Luhmann said. “It becomes a bad thing when it becomes chronic. That’s when the health effects kick in. And it becomes harder and harder to connect with other people the longer you are in the state of loneliness.”

Do you live near a park?

As I walked back to my car, after setting up the workshop I passed a lady and she said, “Good Morning”, I replied, “Good Morning and how are you doing?” She looked at me and frowned and just said: “I’m alive”. I deposited some material in the car and went back to the center where I was giving a workshop on “Common skin conditions for seniors”.  When I walked into the room, the woman I had passed was sitting in the front row. She looked at me and said, “You are giving the workshop?” I said, “Yes, and I am glad you are alive to be here for it.” She laughed and the other 14 people at my workshop looked at her and then I left the room for a second, but when I came back she and other people in the workshop were laughing.

As I was leaving, after the workshop, I took a look around the center. There was a dozen or so people in the Billiard room, the small cafeteria was almost full, I could hear, but could not see the people in the auditorium exercising, the card room was buzzing and the lawn bowling courts (all 4) were full of teams enjoying the nice weather. There was also a number of people just watching. I was struck by the energy in the center and the good feeling of the group. Loneliness is a problem for many seniors, but it did not appear to be a problem for the people I saw this morning.

CARP,  is one of Canada’s largest advocacy group for older Canadians, it surveyed its members in 2017 to find out about their social environment, contact with people, age, health, access to public services, and family situations and analyzed the correlation between these factors with feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Here are some of the findings:

•        People who were married were far less likely to be lonely and were far less socially isolated than those who were not married.

•        Access to public services reducing loneliness far more then the effects of having children or grandchildren.

•        Those who rated the transit they had access to as ‘high-quality’ were far less lonely; this effect was about half the size of the effect of being married.

The members said that living near parks, community (senior) centers, libraries and high-quality transit helped their quality of life and helped combat loneliness.

Loneliness Affects People’s Health More than Age

The survey found that people who are lonelier or have less social contact are also likely to report lower levels of general health, and are more likely to report that they are sicker than they were one year ago.

Surprisingly, loneliness impacts people’s description of their overall health more than twice as much as being older. The impact of loneliness is also about one third larger then the effect of socio-economic status, which public health research has long established as an important predictor of health outcomes.

CARP’s social isolation and loneliness survey was completed by 5,308 CARP members from every province and territory, except Nunavut. This poll was conducted by e-mail from April 17, 2017, to March 1th, 2017. 99.4% of respondents were over 55.

Causes of Isolation and Loneliness: Takeaways

As I wrap up this series of posts, I hope you have seen over there are a number of things that can contribute to social isolation and loneliness.  They can range from aspects of your mental and physical health to where you live and your financial situation. 

Here are some causes that have the potential to limit human contact and thus increase the chances of social isolation.

Hearing.  This is a big one.  You may not be able to talk on the phone.  Group meetings or basic social interactions can be hard.  It could be very easy to lose contact with friends. 

Eyesight.  Deteriorating vision can limit driving, mobility, reading, and more.  Poor eyesight may cause you to stay in your room more; you may not feel as confident now as you used to when you could see better.  For example, you don’t go out as much because you feel more vulnerable and less secure.  This lack of mobility can make you feel like you are stuck in your own prison.

Poor physical health.  For example, a heart condition.  Poor health may prevent you from participating in your previous hobbies (e.g., golf).  Older adults may have to find new hobbies due to physical ailments.  This could contribute to greater social isolation.

Mobility issues.  Examples could include not being able to walk very well, not being able to drive anymore and living somewhere with limited access to public transportation.  Obviously, factors that could lead to increased isolation.

Age-segregated communities.  The type of housing we occupy can greatly affect not only our physical but also our mental wellbeing.  Poorly designed housing complexes, coupled with an age-segregated population of older adults needing help with basic living, could contribute to unhappiness from a sense of isolation, decreased mobility, ill health, and cognitive decline. 
   
Cognitive or memory impairment.  Dementia can add a very complicated layer to the already-complicated issue of isolation and loneliness in older adults.  It can contribute to, as well as exacerbate, isolation and loneliness.  It makes loneliness mitigation attempts even more challenging and difficult.

Fixed income.  Unfortunately, having lower and fixed incomes can be limiting when you age.   Tight finances can limit the options and opportunities available to some older adults, thus possibly increasing isolation and maybe loneliness.  For example, affording home-care services, or the basic costs of leisurely endeavours.

Retired/empty nester.  The daily and weekly social interactions that you may have been used to, or happened kind of automatically at work or with previous household members, are now not there anymore.  The family may be farther away, making isolation more likely.

Death of a partner/spouse and friends.  It can be hard to replace old, longtime friends with new ones.  And even if you can, it often takes time.  Isolation and loneliness can sometimes creep in. 

Lack of purpose or meaning in life.  This can sometimes be a core reason for loneliness.  There’s an old saying that everyone needs something to make them get up and out of bed in the morning.
Difficulty making contact with others.  For some people, it can be hard to interact with other people.  Sometimes, you just need to get out of your comfort zone to initiate social connections.  It can be easy to talk oneself out of it.  Often times, it is the hardest part and you just need to force yourself to do it.

Any tips or comments that you would like to add? 

Dementia isolation and loneliness

Dementia can add a very complicated layer to the already-complicated issue of isolation and loneliness in older adults.  

Often times with dementia sufferers, the problem with communication and connection is the initiation of the interaction.  Good conversations can and do happen with dementia patients, but just relying on the patient to get the interaction started can be the stumbling block.  

Here are some novel ideas for helping dementia sufferers kickstart or initiate interactions.

Robots.  Build or program a robot to get a dementia sufferer’s attention.  For example, when a remote family member wants to talk to the person on the phone, the robot would be programmed to approach the dementia-ed person and then just start talking or initiating the phone conversation.  Thus, the interaction is initiated remotely for the family member via the robot and it is easy for the dementia sufferer to join in.

A lower-tech option: A big sign.  For the same goal of helping to remotely initiate the interaction, you could also use a large sign on the wall in the room.  So, when a phone call from a family member comes in for the dementia sufferer, a special noise will be created.  Correspondingly, a large sign on the wall of the room will say “If you hear a noise, then press the red button on your pad.”  This will help the dementia sufferer get started in the interaction, from a remote location.

Visitors may need advice and instruction.  Interacting with dementia sufferers can be difficult and challenging at times.  Not all well-intentioned visitors know how to interact with folks with dementia.  Thus, visitation can be boring and awkward.  Basic advice and instruction could be helpful and keep visitors interested in coming back again.

Pets and music can also be beneficial for making a connection with a dementia sufferer.  If regular personal or family visits are not very successful, pets or music may be an option that opens the door to connection and communication.