Tribes and the need to belong.

As we navigate through adolescence, the imperative of forming social connections becomes pronounced. We all have a need to be part of a Tribe. This natural human need for belonging takes center stage during the formative years of growing up. Many of us maintain ties with individuals who once comprised our social circles in school, exemplified by the enduring connections fostered in high school or university. The significance of these relationships becomes evident in activities like attending school reunions or staying in contact with long-time friends.

We readily forge social bonds, resisting the dissolution of existing connections. The impact of belonging on emotional well-being and cognitive processes is profound. The absence of social connections is associated with adverse effects on health, adjustment, and overall well-being. The criteria for a satisfying relationship, emphasizes the need for frequent, positive interactions within a stable and enduring framework of mutual concern.

Belongingness continues to wield its influence as a driving force throughout our lives. Cognitive elements contribute to this need because many of us categorize information in relational terms. The cognitive representations of self and partner intertwine in close relationships, influencing the processing of information about one another. Emotions play a pivotal role in relationship dynamics, with the joy of forming connections contrasting starkly with the negative emotions stemming from exclusion or relationship breakdown.

Happiness, it appears, is intricately linked to the quality and quantity of relationships. Contrary to the belief that material wealth brings happiness, the heart lies in being part of fulfilling and stable relationships. Exclusion from groups or relationship dissolution triggers negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, and jealousy. Loneliness, a chronic state that transcends mere social isolation, underscores the necessity of enduring connections to fulfilling the need to belong.

Researchers have documented the tangible impact of belonging on physical health. Married individuals generally experience better health, longevity, and mental well-being compared to their single, divorced, or widowed counterparts. The detrimental effects of loneliness on health are evident, with lonely individuals more prone to common illnesses and weakened immune systems. Troubled relationships during childhood are linked to conditions like eating disorders in adulthood, emphasizing the long-term repercussions of early social dynamics. Even in the realm of mental health, veterans with robust social support exhibit lower susceptibility to post-traumatic stress disorder.

In essence, the quality of life and longevity are intricately tied to the sense of belonging fostered by supportive and caring relationships. From adolescence to retirement and beyond, the need to belong remains a fundamental aspect of the human experience, shaping our emotional well-being, cognitive processes, and physical health.

Tribes.

I read in Sightings over 60 the blog post https://sightingsat60.blogspot.com/2023/11/how-not-to-be-cool.html and was struck by this statement in the blog, “So they asked me, is there a tribe where you say,  "Gee, I wish I could join that group."

The answer given was “The question made me chuckle. Because my answer is definitely: "No."

Groucho Marx once famously quipped, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member," a sentiment that echoes my own perspective. During my school days, I never identified with any particular group; I wasn't a star athlete (but I was a good one), an academic standout (although I placed on the honour roll usually three terms out of four), or part of the popular crowd but I had school friends. My social circles extended beyond the classroom. Outside of school, I spent weekends with another set of friends, all while maintaining a strong connection with my family, my primary tribe.

As I navigated through life, I, like all of us, found myself a member of various tribes—work groups, family units, recreational circles, and friendship networks. Interestingly, acceptance into these groups was often spontaneous, and I never felt the need to actively seek or maintain membership. Upon retirement, I experienced a shift in my tribal affiliations. Some connections were lost, but new tribes emerged.

In reflection, it seems that retirees, myself included, may find themselves part of multiple tribes. However, this concept isn't exclusive to retirees; throughout our lives, we naturally gravitate toward different tribes for various reasons. Personally, I've cultivated my golf group and connected with senior Board colleagues. Additionally, my wife and I have a circle of friends. These diverse tribes fulfill different aspects of my social and emotional needs, creating a rich tapestry of connections that enhance my overall sense of belonging and fulfillment. What tribe or tribes do you belong to now you have retired?