Something to think about

‎"We live in a magical, mystical and miraculous world! Become a believer in all that you can't see and open to the unlimited possibilities the universe holds for your future!" ~Bill Walsh  

Bob Hope

 Great lines from Bob Hope


ON TURNING 70 'I still chase women, but only  downhill'.

ON TURNING 80  'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100

'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING 'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR  'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.

ON GOLF 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS 'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER 'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,

Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS  'That's how I learned to dance.  Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES 'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the =stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'

Give me a sense of humour;

Lord, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humour out of life. Thanks to Douglas and Christopher for these memories

The Barbecue

Thanks to Scott for this one

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do and usually only on hot summer days. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following is what can usually be expected.

(1) The woman goes to the grocery store.

(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, probably having another beer.

(4) The man places the meat on the grill.

(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Which Tire?

Another thanks to Marie for this

At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying; they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy.

Then they turned the page. On the second page was written....

For 95 points: Which tire? _________