Dealing with stress as we age

My wife and I have been watching the events in the US as they unfold and we both feel for our American friends as they move along a path that is bringing change. Change is part of life, but when change happens too fast it can cause stress. We all know what excessive stress can do to your energy. 

Dr. Barnet Meltzer, who is perhaps the most renowned doctor of preventative medicine in the United States said, “Stress is the tax you pay for not taking 100% responsibility for your life.”

There are many schools of thought about what stress means, here are two ideas to think about.

The first idea is:

1.   Many of us consider stress to be something that happens to us, the event could be an injury or a promotion, falling in/out of love.

2.   Others think that stress is what happens to our bodies, minds and behaviours in response to an event (e.g. heart pounding, anxiety, or nail biting). 

Interesting ideas however, I believe that while stress does involve events and our response to them, the event is not the most important factor. The most important factor, in my mind, is our thoughts about the situations in which we find ourselves.

A threat is not just a physical threat, the threat could be to our ego, our self esteem, our health or our energy. Stressors that tend to affect seniors are the loss of a loved one; too much unstructured time on your hands; a change in relationships with children; or a loss of physical abilities, such as vision, hearing, balance, or mobility issues.

We all experience a little stress from time to time. It's not so hard to handle when we're young. But as we age, coping with stress isn't as easy anymore.

The classic stress response is fight, or flight.  The body reacts the same for every event we call stressful. The following is from Dr. Wilsons webpage on how the stress response works:

Every event you experience, whether it’s a sleepless night or an argument, may trigger a dual chain reaction that prepares you to physically respond to the stressor. An initial alarm reaction happens before you’re even aware of it in which your brain and sympathetic nervous system directly stimulate your adrenal glands to produce epinephrine (adrenaline) to prepare every part of your body for immediate “fight or flight”.

This is quickly followed by a stress response regulated through your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. It begins with a message from the hypothalamus in your brain and results in the secretion of adrenal stress hormones that prepare every part of your body to sustain “fight or flight” as long as necessary. In order to accomplish this, adrenal hormones are able to affect every cell and system in your body and brain.

When the brain senses danger or a need to fight, it sounds the alarm for action: it tells the muscles to tighten and signals the adrenal glands to release stress hormones—such as adrenaline and cortisol. Those hormones make you breathe faster, getting more oxygen to your muscles, and they trigger the release of sugar and fat into the blood, giving your cells more energy. To accommodate these needs, your heart beats faster and your blood pressure goes up. These physical changes are all part of the stress response, which is helpful if you need to jump out of the way of danger. Once the brain senses safety, body function returns to normal.

This routine isn't harmful if it occurs once in a while. But if you put your body through those paces frequently, or even constantly, you may suffer a cascade of dangerous and sometimes lasting effects such as high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, insomnia, heartburn, indigestion, and an increased risk for heart disease.

As we age, our body response differently to stress, and the symptoms may take longer to get over and may cause other problems for us. Symptoms of stress may include tension headaches, indigestion, heart palpitations, poor concentration, sleep difficulties, anxiety, irritability, crying, or overeating.

Stress may be having a physical impact on you that may include any underlying conditions you have, such as high blood pressure. Managing your stress is important at any age, but more important as we age.

A big part of stress management focuses on triggering the opposite of the stress response: the relaxation response, which helps lower blood pressure, heart rate, breathing rate, oxygen consumption, and stress hormones. Techniques to elicit the response include yoga, tai chi, meditation, guided imagery, and deep breathing exercises. Eating a healthy diet and getting plenty of exercise are also important, as is nurturing yourself by pursuing activities that bring you joy, and making time to socialize.

  

Additionally, not all situations that are labelled "stressful" are negative. The birth of a child, being promoted or moving to a new home may not be perceived as threatening. However, we may feel that situations are "stressful" because we don't feel fully prepared to deal with them.

All situations in life can be stress-provoking, but it is our thoughts about situations that determine whether they are a problem to us.  How we perceive a stress-provoking event and how we react to it determines its impact on our health.

We may be motivated and invigorated by the events in our lives, or we may see some as "stressful" and respond in a manner that may have a negative effect on our physical, mental and social well-being. If we always respond in a negative way our health and happiness may suffer. By understanding ourselves and our reactions to stress-provoking situations, we can learn to handle stress more effectively.

Facing your fear

This message is short and simple: Pick one thing that normally scares you... and focus on it.  Face it head-on.

Why? Because the secret weapon against fear is your focus. Specifically, focusing on the present moment.  The power question to ask is: "What can I do, in this exact moment, to combat this fear?" (The other reason you should focus on the present moment? Fear comes from focusing on the future - when you focus on the present, you're safe.)

Challenge yourself to face at least one fear this week.  You don't necessarily have to conquer it or completely overcome it - but you do need to face it with focus!

Waiting in line

While I was waiting in line that was not moving at my local supermarket and the person in front of me turned to me and said, "I have a big trolley for only one item, don't you think?"

I looked and he had only one item in the cart, it was a small jar of hot sauce. I wasn't sure what to say but he continued, " I can't hold an item and walk with my crutches as my back is so bad." He went on to explain his medical problem. He had one crutch and he was using the trolley for support. I said I had been in that situation when I had my hip operation.

We talked for a while as the line did not move. He told me that he was 79 years old and he had worked all of his life at hard labouring jobs as a self-employed contractor, He explained the hard lifting he had done when he was younger was now catching up with him. He told me he needed to continue to work, as he needed to but he only did the small jobs that did not take a physical toll on him. 

It was a pleasant conversation but it made me think about how many other seniors were in his position. He did not say it, but I suspect that as a self-employed person, he did not set up a Registered Retirement Saving Plan, nor would he have contributed to his Canada Pension until he was required to and I suspect he paid the minimum amount. So at almost 80, he is in a situation where he has to work even though he is physically in pain.

As we move through the three stages retirement, we need less money. In the initial stage about the first ten years, we have hopefully, our health, and energy and we use that energy to travel, to volunteer, to work part time. As we move into the second stage of retirement the second 10 years, we slow down, and our energy is reduced and we do not travel as much and we become more homebound, either because of physical illness or just lack of energy. The man I talked to was in what would normally be his second stage of retirement, but because of circumstance he was not yet fully retired.

When we get out and about and listen we find some interesting stories.

There are sharp differences between divorced men and women when it comes to finances

Three-quarters of retirement-age divorcees lack a good understanding of how to manage their personal finances, according to a survey of CPA planners released by the American Institute of CPAs.

The divorce rate for Americans 50 and older has doubled since 1990, and more and more people nearing retirement will find themselves scrambling to get on solid financial footing.

CPA planners in the survey noted sharp differences in how divorced men and women approached their finances as they prepared for retirement.

Twenty-six percent of female clients and 25% of male clients were likely to experience a deterioration of their spending habits following divorce. However, female clients were much likelier than male clients to adopt positive financial behaviours after divorce.

The reasons Americans are neither confident about nor prepared for retirement, and how to rectify both.

Forty percent of women were likely to look for a job, compared with 21% of men, and 41% of women to increase their saving toward retirement, versus 16% of men.

Not only that, women were seen as nearly four times more likely than men to improve their spending habits and roughly 14 times likelier to actively seek out financial advice after divorce.

When couples get divorced later in life, there is often one partner in the relationship who handled all of the finances.

In many instances, this leads to one person in the relationship not having an accurate picture of the family finances, including their retirement savings. It is essential that couples who get divorced later in life take a long view when dividing assets and making financial decisions.

The survey asked CPA financial planners what their clients near retirement age could do to be better prepared financially for divorce.

Seventy-six percent said their clients understand how to manage personal finances, 73% understand the long-term financial planning consequences of a divorce settlement and 57% understand the tax implications of a divorce settlement.

CPA financial planners pointed to other steps that would better prepare their clients for divorce:

·       Updating wills or trusts: 51%

·       Increasing saving for retirement: 51%

·       Decreasing spending: 43%

These things reflect the importance of keeping documents accurate and up to date and building up savings before assets are split, the report said.

In addition, 36% of planners cited a prenuptial agreement as a step that would better prepare their clients financially for divorce.

The report was based on an online survey the AICPA administered last February to members of the AICPA personal financial planning section, and to which 548 CPAs submitted completed responses.