Coping With Anger About Aging

Most of the people I associate with, are happy people and accepting of the age we are, but some people I noticed are angry at the fact they are getting old. I thought about this and came to the realization that they were going through a grieving stage. The experts tell us that there are stages of grief.  Some of those stages include denial, depression and acceptance.  But one that many of us experience is anger.  

While we most often associate grief with the emotions when a loved one passes away, we can go through grief about a lot of things.  People go through grief when their house burns down or when they lose a job or a pet.  An area of loss that we don’t often lump in with grief causes is the physical decline of ageing.

You can detect that you or people you know are experiencing grief from their loss of youth from comments they make.  It is common to hear them look back with remorse at lost youth and with the loss of functionality and strength that happens when we age.  As we see our strength decline and perhaps go through one of the many natural ailments of ageing such as arthritis or problems with elimination, it is not uncommon to see a response of anger result from their impatience with these problems.

Nobody asked to get old.  And I am sure that if we could put it to a vote, ageing would lose the election to continue to be part of our lives.  As much as people hate to grow old, your loved ones hate to see it happen to you.  And while you may not see it happen, your family is grieving the loss of the “young mom or dad” as much as you are.

The problem with being angry about growing old is there is nobody to take it out on.  The result is often we lash out at those closest to us because the frustration with our ageing bodies causes our temper to flare up spontaneously and a loved one or caregiver is the one who is handy to get mad at.  You know this isn’t fair and when it happens, you are sorry.  So, it would be good with finding ways to cope with the anger about ageing in a productive way.

This kind of coping is necessary so you don’t lash out at the innocent.  But it is also healthy for you to learn to cope with the ageing process because stalling out in the grief process will create tension in your emotional system, which can cause physical problems such as ulcers or problems sleeping.  So how do we get rid of the anger that some naturally feel at seeing their bodies decline?

A wise person once said that we get angry because of a false sense of entitlement.  It comes when our expectations do not line up with reality.  A false sense of entitlement comes when we come to the conclusion that we do not deserve to get old.  The best way to confront and put aside that sense of entitlement is to recognize it.  No matter how much you loathe ageing or wish you could go back in time to when you were younger, know that ageing is a fact of life. 

Even Hollywood stars have to accept the effects of time. Actress Goldie Hawn says ageing is "all about how you make it." "It's all in your mind." George Clooney has said though there's "nothing fun about ageing," you just have to make the best of what you've got.”  But if you can recognize that consciously, it will help take anger out of the loop when you are coping with the effects of ageing.

Resolution of grief comes when our expectations line up with reality.  The attempt to deny the advance of years is the sole cause of the midlife crisis in your younger days and that emotional response to ageing can create devastating results as the one in crisis tries to behave as though they are not growing old and make bad decisions based on that concept.

So too, if you can recognize that these problems are the natural result of ageing and the best thing to do is to take care of yourself to try to minimize their impact, you will live with a much healthier attitude toward ageing.  By focusing on your diet, your exercise, a wise use of alcohol and drugs and doing all you can to stay rested and emotionally sound, you will see the negative effects of ageing become minimized. Taking walks or doing balancing exercises can help. A Harvard study of over 1,600 older men and women found that adding light exercises to your routine, even if you didn't work out before, can make you over 25 percent less likely to become disabled.

Whether you're watching a funny video on YouTube or cracking jokes with friends, laughter truly is the best medicine. A 2014 study found that just watching 20 minutes of funny videos improved memory in older people and also reduced their levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Some studies have also shown a link between laughter and a lower risk for heart disease. So, go ahead, have a laugh. Just don't worry about the wrinkles. Moreover, you will be a happier person and that shift in your emotions can go a long way toward keeping you young at heart.  And that is the best way to turn back the effects of ageing from the inside out.

Retired, consider teaching part time

Just retired and looking for something to do, ever thought about teaching as a second or third career? If you are just preparing to enter the ranks of professional teachers and you are not a recent college graduate, it is easy to feel a bit insecure and ask that question, "Can you teach if you are old?"It is a fair question even if you are not so far along in life that you consider yourself to be "old".  But it is easy to feel old if you are a senior adult among 20-year olds in teacher college and if the competition for the teaching jobs is children that could be your own grandsons or granddaughters.

There are a lot of jobs where there is a noticeable age bias against older workers.  In the business world, sometimes companies prefer to hire younger workers because they work cheap and if they work out, there is such a longer career life ahead of them.  But even in the business setting, many forward-thinking employers are beginning to realize that the ranks of older workers contain a group of workers who are stable, hardworking and devoted employees.  So too schools are realizing more and more that hiring an older worker is not a disadvantage at all but that you bring a lot of good with you that the school should be thrilled to have.

If anything, the profession of teaching is a perfect environment for someone who has seen a bit of life and who has matured and perhaps raised children of their own.  Teaching part time or full time, while rewarding can be a huge challenge because it is sometimes hard to establish your authority in the classroom and there are so many ways for a disruption to hurt the flow of teaching that is so important to accomplish your academic goals each day.  An older worker is less prone to panic about disruptions or sudden problems that might come up as you teach and you have the experience and maturity to handle the problem efficiently without upsetting the rest of the class and get everyone back on task quickly.

It could be that one concern those who hire new teachers might have with an older worker is energy.  Younger workers are able to keep up physically with children and they need to know that you won't tire during a long school day and that you have the physical stamina to get through a school day and come back for more tomorrow.  There are a number of ways you can demonstrate that you are in shape and up to the challenge of teaching.  You can put on a show of energy and enthusiasm during the interview.  Or you could go so far as to offer to substitute teach or be a teacher assistant for a day so the administrator can witness first hand our energy and ability to "keep up" with those kiddos.

There is a good chance that not only will you encounter no age-based bias or discrimination from school administrators, you will find that they already have a number of older teachers on staff so they know the value the school gets from that experience and wisdom.  But the relationship that may give you more concern is whether the students can accept an older teacher and give you the same respect and regard that they would give to someone just out of college.

It may come as the biggest surprise of them all that children and even teenagers really do not mind older teachers or older people for that matter.  After all, to a child, every adult is an older teacher so they may not even notice that you are 20 years older than their last teacher.  To a kid, old is old so what's the difference?  Moreover, children have relationships with parents, uncles and aunts and grandparents that are loving and respectful so if they lump you in with those role models, you have it made.

What students don't like are older people who try to deny that they are old, who are ashamed of their age or who try to act younger than they are.   Youth crave honesty.  And youth are also quite aware that older age awaits them down the road so the last thing they want to see is you showing shame or discomfort because of your age.  By being honest about your age with the kids, they will embrace you easily and you will have no difficulty teaching them.

Discovering Self

As we move into the last stage of our life, some of us begin a Self Discovery, which generally proves to be really exciting and amazing.

When you start to analyze yourself, there is the discovery of self, which may have been lost to you as you progressed through earlier stages of living. As you begin this search various questions should be raised:

·       Will I be able to abandon my comfort zone?

o   This means that you have a comfort zone and that you recognize that you have one.

o   If you are going to abandon your comfort zone, your behaviour changes in given situations which may upset some of your friends and family. Most times a person’s behaviour becomes repetitive and familiar to those around him/her but when it is a matter of self-discovery you start exploring and discovering about yourself, which can upset others unless you tell them what you are doing.

·       What are my requirements for happiness, and what exactly do I want from those requirements?

o   Your thought process changes are altered and some thoughts are dismissed out of your life. So, you should be open and prepare for your former beliefs to become less meaningful.

o   Self Discovery will help in discovering a person’s personal truth.

·       Am I willing to go where I have never been or where I fear to go?

o   When you start your path of Self Discovery, you will face such situations from where you want to escape from or courageously try to solve.

o   Avoiding a situation that has caused you pain or grief will be foolish, ridiculous and dangerous. Your inner soul will insist that you confront all prevailing situations so that you can translate and understand them.

o    So, you need to abandon fear or at least learn to control it. This is not easy and to do this, you should be committed to the path and the work needed to finish your task. Fear pretends to protect you from pain instead; it may be a great hurdle in your growth and development.

Your subconscious mind is ready to move forward but suddenly your sub-conscious realize that you are embracing and seeking to a new level of life. You change according to various habitats, which become a vital part of the growth process. Sometimes it happens that you are eager to move to another place, another state or another plane of existence.  

 When the act of consciousness is expanded in your life, trust is really important. You have to step out of the restricted understanding and broaden your perspectives about life and themselves. When discovering self a person should have a wider perspective about themselves and needs to trust those around him/her to make sure they help you on your journey and are there for you at the end of the journey

Fighting Loneliness

When you are raising your kids in your adult years, it seems you will never know a minute’s peace.  Each day was another explosion of yelling, running and wild activity in the house from the moment the kids are born until they are grown and moving out.  It was when the last one finally made their way into the world that you actually knew what was to be alone, at least the two of you. 

A full life such as this makes the adjustment to senior citizen status, retirement and the time you may spend alone and with time on your hands a bit of an adjustment.  The adjustment is even more profound if you enter your senior years alone and you find yourself alone much of the time.  The problem of loneliness is chronic in senior citizens so it’s good to get out ahead of it so it doesn’t cause serious problems the longer it goes on.

The negatives of loneliness in senior citizens are well known.  Excessive loneliness can easily lead to a sense of isolation, desperation, and depression.  This can result in substance abuse or worse if the senior citizen doesn’t find a way to fight back against that feeling of being alone.  It is easy if you are in your house that used to be filled with children to feel abandoned and resentful when your day passes with no human contact.  If you have relocated to an assisted living center or nursing home, the problem may be even worse as you don’t have the comfort of familiar surroundings.  

But to feel sorry for your self and blame your children for not coming to see you is not a healthy way to fight this enemy.  Yes, your children should call or come see you more often.  But short of moving in with you or you with them, the problem of loneliness will have to be solved by you and using other means.  It may seem like a simplistic answer to loneliness but the beginning of solving these problems is a simple prescription which is – Get Out of the House!

If waiting in your house or apartment for people to bring companionship to you has not worked so far, it probably isn’t going to.  So you have to get out there and engage life directly.  If you can become proactive and take command of the situation, you will find the opportunities to find friendship and companionship are diverse and abundant.  Among some of the ways, you can get in the company of other people are…

.   Senior citizen functions.  If you are in an assisted living or retirement home, there are events being planned all the time for you to get out and meet your neighbors.  But even if that is not your living arrangements, most local communities have senior centers that have as one of their primary missions in life to provide a social outlet for senior citizens.  So use that resource to its fullest.

.   Volunteering.  There are so many excellent ways for you to volunteer at church, with civic groups or in the arts that you can stay continuously busy.  Not only do you get the gratification of doing something good for others, you get out and meet people which is a sure cure for loneliness.

.   Church.  If you are active in your church, they always have ways for you to be involved during the day.  Some of them will be volunteer opportunities but others might just be attending a good bible study or social time with your Sunday School class.

.   Pitch in with the grandkids.  This is a wonderful way to get out.  You love those grandkids and by giving your children a way to get out and leave them in a trusted place, you do them good and get tons of great play time with those sweet children.

These are just a few great ways for you to get out and meet people who will welcome you with open arms.  These are areas of life that are eager for an enthusiastic Grandma or Grandpa to jump in feet first and get involved.  Getting involved means staying busy and staying busy means never feeling lonely again. And that is the permanent cure for loneliness.