Some Bad Puns to end January

Saw a kid standing on one leg at an ATM.

 Confused, I asked him what he was doing?

 He told me he was just checking his balance.

Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?

 A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.

What do you call a dead parrot? Polygon

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED.
Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don’t be a BEACH.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

What do you call a cow with no legs?  Answer: ground beef.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

My friend could not afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.

Shakespeare Insult Kit

Here is a wonderful way to create some very inventive insults courtesy of William Shakespeare 

Retirement is a journey, not a destination.

Retirement is a journey, a chance to have adventures, live life to the fullest and to find answers to questions you want about yourself and your attitude toward life and happiness. When it comes to trying to find these answers, you have to look deep inside yourself, to dig deep into your soul and your mind to find the answers for which you are looking. 

This is not an easy or a short process, and it requires an effort. How do you learn how to get started? Start by searching your mind and hold on to the insight you find about your hopes and dreams. Use these insights to get motivated enough to make your wishes come true.

It may take some time to become the person you want to be in your retirement, but as you grow, you will find that it will be easier to become that person.
To be the person you want to be in retirement is not going to be something that does not take any time or effort; this is going to be your ongoing duty. 

Over your life, you may have experienced some hard time but you learned to overcome these adventures. As you moved through life, you may have felt, anxiety, fear, resentment, guilt and a lot of uneasiness. But you also experienced love, joy, peace, and contentment.

Do you remember how you got to those positive experiences? As you set your sites on becoming the person who is at peace in retirement it will all depend on you and your mind frame on how fast you will progress. It is going to take some time but as you learn to work on it, it will come to you faster than someone who only thinks they want it.

Some of the things that you may want to do to get where you want to be is to make some new goals. Once your goals are down on paper, then you are going to have to learn to work at achieving your goals. Once you have your goals you will see that the rest will come, natural to you and it will help you to become a very successful person in your retirement.

Pondering on Monday morning

We all have made mistakes in our life doing some things wrong along with our journey. We often feel trapped because good does not associate with bad. It doesn’t necessarily mean we are a bad person, it means that we are misinformed and confused in some areas. In addition, it means that we have held resentment and guilt, which we should have let go, a long time ago.

There is nothing wrong with forgiving yourself for mistakes we have made. Forgiveness only goes so far. If you continue to ask for forgiveness for the mistakes and continue making the same mistakes thinking that you will be forgiven, you won't be forgiven. 

We must strive to do what we know is right in order to enjoy peace of mind and true happiness. What we put in our thoughts will come out later. To keep your mind and body pure as much as possible, do not dwell on guilt, hate, and other negative feelings

I sometimes wonder if a person feels entrapped if it is difficult to discover their needs. Does the person feel empty? From experience, I know that to be open to self-growth it is important to purge guilt, hate, and other negative thoughts from your system.  

When your self-awareness expands and you get to the point where you can forgive yourself for imagined or real wrongs you have committed, then you need self-discipline. Having self-discipline will help you to avoid repeating the same mistake. With self-discipline, hopefully, you will recognize temptation and walk away. 

One way to develop self-discipline involves accepting the consequences of your behaviour. This is hard but over time, with self-love and practice, you will succeed.  

Self-development or building self-discipline is not easy; it takes effort and practice and you may fall on your face along the way. Persistence and practice are important and you will be rewarded if you continue. 

A goal in life should be to bring your mind and body into harmony so that they work in union to assist you in maintaining good health and happiness. 

Identifying who you really are will make you feel good. This is hard, so my advice as you are moving forward in your attempt to find self-discipline and peace of mind is:

Keep it simple, smart (KISS)!