Some of My Favorite 'Old is' Jokes

Thanks to Wally for these gems

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your sweetie says

'Let's go upstairs and make love'

And you answer:

'Pick one, I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your friends compliment you

On your new alligator shoes

And you're barefoot!

'OLD' IS WHEN...

A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy ...

And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You don't care where your spouse goes

... Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You are cautioned to slow down

By the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...

'Getting a little action'

Means you don't need to take any fibre today

'OLD' IS WHEN...

'Getting lucky' means you find your car

... In the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

An 'all nighter' means not getting up

To use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You enjoyed the Big Band Era: Sioux, Iroquois, Apache, Crow ...

'OLD' IS WHEN...

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

Rocking in a rocking chair feels like a roller coaster ride.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

'OLD' IS WHEN....

You have that “morning after” feeling when you wake up, but you didn’t party the night before.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN....

You are not sure these are jokes!

Have a good day!

"Young at heart"

(slightly older in other places!)

Consider

Considering your best and most beautiful dreams:

When your thoughts and visualizations pertain to the "hows" (how they will come true), or when they include an insistence upon unimportant details (virtually all details are unimportant; think of them, yes, but just don't attach to them), or when they require specific people to behave in specific ways... at the very best, your efforts will only increase the likelihood of your desired dream coming to pass.

Whereas, when your grandest and most glorious dreams are BIG-picture items, like rocking abundance, total fulfillment, amazing health, vivacious happiness, and the like, the floodgates of success begin to powerfully tremble and your
manifestation becomes inevitable. Just saying you should consider this the next time you start to visualize.

Worry

You needn't worry. There is time. You have all the time in the world. You preceded time and you will exist beyond it. Age is irrelevant; more meaningless than a number. Forever, you have FOREVER. 

There is no dream you now have that you will not manifest. There is no challenge you now face that you will not crush and dispose of. There is no point in spending one more second of your awesome, amazing life, thinking anything to the contrary. 

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Usually, the best way to find the yellow brick road of your life is to start out on the dusty, dirt one. Follow the yellow brick road is an attempt to follow a course of action that you believe will lead to good things. We all want to believe that we are all on our own yellow brick road. 

In the movie, the "Wizard of Oz" Dorothy is told by the Munchkins that in order for her to get her wish, she has to get help. Dorothy then sets off with her goal in mind. The lyrics of the song gives the audience what she has in mind. She is off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz, you'll find he is the wizard of wiz if ever a wiz there was,

If ever or ever a wizard that was
the wizard of oz is one because, because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does,
you're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of Oz
 

Unlike Dorothy, we do not have a wizard waiting for us that will grant our wishes. It would nice but it would take away from the magic we create ourselves. As we start out on our own path, we become preoccupied in making the best of it, having fun, and challenging ourself that we actually stop paying attention to the path. This is unlike Dorothy who has to keep her eye on the path to make it to the Emerald City so she can meet the wizard.

As we travel our path one day with a new best friend, wearing cool clothes, feeling awesome, a teeny tiny bit taller, fresh from a WOW vacation, looking for the path you just left, you'll notice that it's 24 carats.

And you'll wonder for a long, long time, sipping on some exotic fruit drink, when the transformation actually took place