Social Skills for Shy Seniors

I have some friends who are shy, they find it difficult to meet new people and to take part in social activities, outside of their small group of friends. As children and young adults, we learned how to make friends. As we age, death and disabilities take away many of these friends. We often need to relearn some social skills and that can be very challenging for shy people. If we do not expand our circle, we may end up isolated and alone. The following was put together by talking to seniors who are not shy.

10 Simple Steps are for those who would like more friends in their lives and are not quite sure how to find them.

Remember, you don’t have to do all these steps at once. Start with the easiest. Be gentle with yourself and be proud of the fact that you are trying!

1.               Look in the mirror. Are you clean, tidy and looking happy? Remember to smile.

2.               Make eye contact when you greet people. They will know that you feel they are important and worth your time.

3.               Listen more than you talk. If you are nervous, you might tend to run on in your conversation. If people start to look bored, it’s time to be quiet and give someone else a turn. Remember, a conversation is not a monologue.

4.               Ask questions: “What do you think?” “How did you get involved?” “Where are you from?”

5.               Enroll in a class. Learning something new will keep your brain young and make you a more interesting person to be with.

6.               Volunteer for something somewhere… neighbourhood, residence, church, etc.

7.               Be considerate, respectful and sincere to everyone.

8.               Join a club. You will find people with similar interests.

9.               Watch for others who might be feeling just as you are. Smile and say hello.

10.         Attend discussion groups. Even if you don’t say a word, people will come to recognize you and be more likely to talk to you.

Social Isolation

For seniors to continue and even expand their participation in society they need to remain healthy and engaged in their communities. However, research shows that an estimated 30 percent of Canadian seniors are at risk of becoming socially

isolated.

According to the International Federation on Ageing, “the number one emerging issue facing seniors in Canada is keeping older people socially connected and active.

Social isolation and exclusion are related to serious negative health effects and reduced quality of life for seniors. Social isolation is also linked to the undervaluing of seniors in our society6 and the loss of seniors from the volunteer sector and the paid economy.

The National Seniors Council also asserts that the social isolation of seniors can cause communities to suffer from a lack of social unity, higher social costs, and the loss of the wealth of experience that seniors bring to our families, neighbourhoods and communities.

We don’t all of a sudden become socially isolated, isolation can be a result of several factors. Many of us experience physical changes (such as sickness or disability) and life changes (such as the loss of a spouse), which can reduce the number of social contacts and limit activities. Social and environmental factors, such as poverty and inadequate transportation, may also increase a senior’s chance of becoming socially isolated.

Social isolation is different from the feeling of loneliness, though the two are often related. Loneliness is the distress that results from discrepancies between ideal and perceived social relationships. This discrepancy perspective makes it clear that loneliness is not synonymous with being alone, nor does being with others guarantee protection from feelings of loneliness. Rather, loneliness is the distressing feeling that occurs when one’s social relationships are perceived as being less satisfying than what is desired.

Social isolation can generally be recognized by others observing a person’s relationships, while loneliness is a personal experience

Social isolation can result from major events or from a combination of small events over time. How much these incidents affect people depends on the economic, personal, material and social resources that they have available to help them cope. Seniors can draw on their life experience in managing difficult times to help them with the challenges of ageing. However, too many changes, especially one after another, can make it difficult to cope.

Social isolation happens when a senior’s social participation or social contact drops. About 30 percent of Canadian seniors are at risk of becoming socially isolated. Reports by Statistics Canada estimate that 19 percent16 and 24 percent of

Canadians over age 65 feel isolated from others and wish they could participate in more social activities.

The National Seniors Council’s Report on the Social Isolation of Seniors 2013–2014 states that the following factors may place seniors at risk of social isolation and loneliness:

·       living alone

·       being age 80 or older

·       having compromised health status

·       having multiple chronic health problems

·       having no children or contact with family

·       lacking access to transportation

·       living with low income

·       changing family structures

·       being left behind by younger

·       people migrating for work

·       location of residence

·       experiencing critical life transitions such as retirement, a death of a spouse, or losing a driver’s license

·       lacking awareness of or access to community services and programs

·       being a caregiver.

While there are many things that can put seniors at risk to become socially isolated, there are also other things that can help to ensure that seniors remain socially engaged. Protective factors, traits, situations or circumstances like these can help seniors to socially integrate and reduce the risks of social isolation:

·       being in good physical and mental health

·       having enough income and safe housing

·       feeling safe in your neighbourhood

·       having communication and literacy skills to find and get needed services

·       having satisfying relationships

·       having a supportive social network

·       feeling connected to and valued by others

·       having access to health and community services

·       feeling beneficial to society

·       having access to transportation

·       having a higher level of education

Isolation and loneliness

Isolation and loneliness is a very real fear for many older adults.  Many of us know of someone suffering from it, and it can be very sad.  This article from Tech-enhanced Life summarizes those discussions from their Longevity Explorers about social isolation and loneliness. This synthesis was created from a number of Longevity Explorer discussions by Mike Neises.

Overcoming Loneliness and Isolation: Takeaways
The Longevity Explorer groups identified a number of ways to help combat isolation and loneliness in either our own lives or the lives of others, as we grow older.  Here is their list (in no particular order):

Pets.  Having your own pet, or helping someone else with their pet, can be very helpful.  For example, walking a neighbour’s dog every day.  Pet responsibilities can help give people purpose and meaning.

Senior clubs.  Our explorers are aware of a number of great clubs, which often provide and arrange transportation as well.  Typically, the clubs offer a wide variety of arts, education, and physical exercise opportunities.

Affinity clubs or organizations.  Become a member of a formal or informal group that is united by a common theme or activity.  Find what you like to do, take the initiative to find like-minded people, and stick to it.  This will be a big help in mitigating social isolation and loneliness.

Cross-generational interactions.  Try to have interactions with different generations.  For example, living at an all-age residential hotel (vs. more age-segregated).  Some older adults like the atmosphere and the energy they experience, and they often learn new things in their multigenerational experiences.   

Good neighbours.  People nearby that you can trust and that can check in on you periodically.  These simple interactions can be very valuable and oftentimes turn into genuine friendships.

Housing options.  Various community living and care arrangements which can help provide or facilitate companionship.  For example, multigenerational living facilities, co-housing with matched renters, and accessory-unit rentals can increase social contacts and interactions.

‘Buddy’ system, or a check-in system.  Having some sort of daily-checking routine can be very helpful and reassuring and combat isolation and loneliness.  For example, sending a text to a family member every day before lunch; or, make sure your living room curtains are open every morning (to let neighbours know that you are up and about).

Regular visitors, or social service program visitors.  Simple visitation can be a big help in fighting isolation and loneliness.  Whether it be a friend, family member, neighbour, or an assigned social service volunteer; their visits and conversations are often much anticipated and appreciated by older adults.

The internet.  Easy access to the internet can make a big difference.  It does not replace the need for social interactions, but it can be a good substitute sometimes, as well as a great source for interests and online activities.  People may need to be taught how to use the internet, and it can be expensive for some. 

Television.  Even television can help reduce the feeling of social isolation and loneliness.  It gives you a connection with the outside world.  Its advantage is that it is familiar and can be easy to operate.

Robots; AI (artificial intelligence); Alexa.  These options seem to be primitive at this point, but they also seem to be getting better very quickly.  They can provide a partial solution to social isolation, but cannot truly replace human face-to-face social interaction.  Some explorers see a lot of potential here.

Community education courses for older adults.  Community classes for older adults can be very good for social interaction.  Not only that, but they are typically a lot of fun and very educational.  

Smartwatch as Medical Alert

The following is from an article by Tech-enhanced Life Newsletter, For the full report and their recommendations go here. 

For years we have been hearing older adults complain about how ugly and stigmatizing medical alerts are. As one lady told us: "My medical alert button makes me look like I escaped from the Intensive Care Unit. So I hardly ever wear it".

Could these products change this dynamic?
In 2018 a handful of products came to market that look like smartwatches, and in some cases have some or all of the functionality of stylish smartwatches — but also work as medical alert devices. 

We wanted to see how well they worked and set out to test them. In particular, we hoped they might seem more palatable for daily wear than conventional medical alerts.

Here are the results of our hands-on, comparative evaluation.

Summary and Key Takeaways
We did comparative evaluations (including extensive hands-on testing) of four different products, each representing a somewhat different vision of what a "smartwatch as medical alert" should be. 

While all worked quite well as medical alerts, none was perfect. And in terms of smartwatch functionality, they ranged from "every smartwatch feature you could imagine" (the Apple Watch) to "a rather minimal smartwatch functionality" (Freedom Guardian).

Our evaluation made it clear that these products are quite different from each other, with fairly profound differences. We think these differences are best thought of as feature sets that make each one suitable for a specific persona. So while there is no "best" product in this group, there is very definitely a "best product for a specific person".

In the Recommendations section, we explain which types of people are best suited for each product, and lay out how we would choose which of these might be right for you, or for a specific person for whom you might be shopping.

Finally, while we think many people will like these products, they are not for everyone. For some specific personas, we think people would be best served by sticking with a more conventional type of medical alert. In the Recommendations section, we also describe the type of person who might better stick with a conventional medical alert.