Some dad jokes for my grandson

Today, my grandson asked "Can I have a book Mark?" and I burst into tears. 10 years old and he still doesn't know my name is grandad.

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"

"How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."

"Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."

"I don't trust the stairs. They're always up to something."

"What do you call someone with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows."

"Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."

"Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."

"Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."

"What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"

Helping out and signs of the times

Thanks to my cousin Irene for the following:

My niece just called and asked if I would loan her $300.00 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me, know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, her Mom called and told me that my niece was lying and not giving her the money would be a mistake. She goes on to say that the real reason she wanted the $300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she could be under the same roof as him for his birthday.

I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the $300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called and told her to come and get the money. A couple of hours later, I get a call from the Tarrant County Jail. It was my niece crying, screaming and asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response...so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!

Here are a few more just because:
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."



At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

Oral Hygiene s we age

The other day I read that gum disease has been linked to a raised risk of developing dementia? A recent study found that “severe gum disease” had a “modest link” to dementia. In addition, the study found that lifestyle factors like smoking, exercise and alcohol consumption levels did not appear to have any effect on the connection. The story had not said the “severe gum disease was the connection; it said the gum disease was the connection. Big difference. 

As we age, we should take care of our health, including our oral hygiene and our teeth. We should be brushing our teeth at least twice a day, flossing at least once a day and seeing their dentist for a cleaning/teeth checkup at least twice a year.

Why is this important, according to the Mayo Clinic, oral health offers clues about your overall health — and that problems in your mouth can affect the rest of your body?

Like other areas of the body, your mouth teems with bacteria — mostly harmless. But your mouth is the entry point to your digestive and respiratory tracts, and some of these bacteria can cause disease.

Normally the body's natural defences and good oral health care, such as daily brushing and flossing, keep bacteria under control. However, without proper oral hygiene, bacteria can reach levels that might lead to oral infections, such as tooth decay and gum disease.

Brushing my teeth twice a day was not something my parents insisted that I do and trips to the dentist were few and far between, because of the cost. When I had real problems I would go and get my tooth removed. We did not learn strong oral health habits from our parents (regular tooth brushing didn’t become a habit for most people in the U.S. until after World War II). Younger Boomers (those born after 1957) probably learned of it in the classroom, but if you were born before then, they, like me, may not have been practicing brushing and flossing regularly from their early years.

I went for many years before I returned to see a dentist and when I went, I was lucky and found a Dentist who was very good. I had numerous cavities and was in danger of losing all my teeth, but I did not want to have dentures so with my dentist's help I put myself on a routine of brushing twice a day and seeing him 4 times a year. The path I decided to take is working and I still have all of my teeth and hope to have them all my life.

I am surprised that some people also look at twice-daily brushing and flossing as burdens. Most people - not just seniors - skip brushing their teeth; one-third of adults don’t floss their teeth and about the same amount do not brush their teeth at least twice a day.

Add in physical issues that can make it hard for some of us to brush our teeth and floss, and it’s easy to see why some of us may have decided it’s too much trouble.

I did not want dentures, but many seniors have them and Denture care is important for many seniors. After all, if dentures aren’t cared for properly, you are not able to eat as well. What’s more, if the dentures aren’t fitted properly, or inserted properly, they can cause a lot of pain.

I understand that dentures need to be cleaned every day and their care is more complicated than for natural teeth and could be more difficult if you have a vision, cognitive or dexterity issues. They also need to be checked daily for breaks and, if broken, need to be professionally repaired (never try to repair dentures at home).

Good oral hygiene habits include:

·       Brush your teeth at least twice a day with a soft-bristled brush using fluoride toothpaste.

·       Floss daily.

·       Use mouthwash to remove food particles left after brushing and flossing.

·       Eat a healthy diet and limit food with added sugars (cookies, cakes, candy, soda, etc.

·       Replace your toothbrush every three months or sooner if bristles are splayed or worn.

·       Schedule regular dental checkups and cleanings.

·       Avoid tobacco use, including cigarettes and chewing tobacco.

·       And, of course, making an appointment with a dentist’s office every two months at least for dental cleanings and checkups.

·       Also, contact your dentist as soon as an oral health problem arises. Taking care of your oral health is an investment in your overall health.

The future of women at work: Part 4

Long-established barriers make it harder for women to make transitions. Women have less time to reskill or search for employment because they spend much more time than men on unpaid care work; they are less mobile due to physical safety, infrastructure, and legal challenges; and have lower access to digital technology than men. In order to help women, make these transitions, policymakers and businesses need to step up interventions, targeted at women, to overcome these barriers.

High priority interventions include more investment in training and transitional support; more provision of childcare and safe and affordable transportation; addressing stereotypes about occupations; boosting women’s access to mobile internet and digital skills in emerging economies; and supporting women entrepreneurs.

Some evidence suggests that women could be more likely to face partial automation than men. Using the United States as an example, they found that approximately half of the occupations that are mainly held by women are less than 50 percent technically automatable by 2030, compared with about 20 percent of occupations largely performed by men. If this pattern holds across countries, women could be at less risk than men of seeing their jobs replaced in their entirety by machines but could be more likely to experience a fundamental change in their jobs.

As digital platforms that enable independent work to become more prominent, women’s working lives (and men’s) could change in three ways:

1.    Work activities may shift in importance and could increasingly involve collaborating with automated systems. As machines increasingly handle routine physical and cognitive tasks, women could spend more time managing people, applying expertise, and interacting with stakeholders. In an emergency room in 2030, for instance, health workers could spend less time doing clerical work (due to the adoption of preregistration by mobile phone, computerized checkout and billing, and AI-led diagnostic tools), and physical work, but more time interacting with patients.

2.    Certain skills could become more important. By 2030, jobs in Europe and the United States could require up to 55 percent more time using technical skills and 24 percent more hours using social and emotional skills. Time spent using physical and manual skills and basic cognitive skills could decrease as those activities are automated.

3.    More women could work flexibly. Co-location with colleagues is an important part of working lives today, but technology could reduce the need to co-locate as virtual work becomes more widely adopted, for instance. The rise of these new, more flexible ways of working is particularly helpful to women because they disproportionately carry the “double burden” of working for pay and working unpaid in the home.

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