The old soldier

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A checkout chick walked up to him and said,

"Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was just about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping. At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the girl was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"

The girl thought for a moment and said:  No, no I didn‘t... but I saw a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags."
For a change of pace

True or not? From a bricklayer's accident report in Australia....

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of my accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient...

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the bricks. 

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. 

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. 

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter of the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks. Fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay in pain on the bricks, unable to stand up and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope so it came down upon me and broke both of my legs. I hope I have furnished the additional information you required as to how the accident occurred.

I hope this answers your inquiry. Bill Fuller

The new normal and senior recreational centers

I am President of an association that in part plays an advisory role to our Recreational Department in our city. Our city like many has closed its Recreational Centers to senior programs. This closure was done out an ambulance of caution. The issue for me is that the longer we are closed I fear the negative impact on our seniors will be devastating. In 2013 the Center for Ageing at the University of Manitoba issued a report “. Exploring the Impacts of Senior Centres on Older Adults.”

The report shows that social participation is associated with better mental and physical health for seniors. The following provides a snapshot of some research findings:

For every 1 point decrease on a social activity scale, there was a 33% more rapid rate of decline in motor function (e.g., grip strength, muscle strength) within an average of five years.

The risk of developing a disability in activities of daily living decreased by 43% over an average of 5 years for each additional social activity engaged in; the risk of mobility disability decreased by 31%.

Among older adults with depression, those who were highly socially active were over 2.5 times more likely to have improvements in their depressive symptoms 2 years later than those with low social activity.

An intervention that combined structured social activity with light- intensity exercise (e.g., card games, croquet) significantly improved older adults’ memory function and sleep.

The rate of cognitive decline was reduced by an average of 70% in older adults who were frequently socially active compared to those who were infrequently socially active over an average of 5 years.

Older adults who participated on a daily or weekly basis in social activity had a 40% reduced risk of developing dementia compared those who were not socially engaged.

Older women who participated in organizational activities or study circles had half the likelihood of dying within a twelve-year time period compared to those who did not participate in these social activities

Research on senior centres demonstrate that participation is associated   with social, mental, and physical health benefits. Senior centres promote health by providing health and support services, encouraging active and healthy ageing, and by fostering a social environment that is conducive to social participation and well-being. Senior centres are also ideal venues for health promotion interventions, such as falls prevention, influenza vaccines, diabetes management, and so forth.

Key findings from the interviews with older adults are:

•       Virtually all participants felt that the activities they engage in almost always or often give them a sense of accomplishment.

•       80% or more also felt that the activities increased their knowledge, helped them gain self-confidence, and provided an opportunity to try new things.

•       The vast majority of participants thought that the activities provided them with social benefits, allowing them to socially interact, be part of a community, and develop close relationships.

•       88% of participants indicated that it is almost always or often true that the activities help them stay healthy. The vast majority of participants also indicated that the activities contribute to their emotional well-being (90%), and help them to relieve stress (85%).

•       Opportunities to stay active and socially engaged helped several participants cope with mental illness and addictions.

•       Senior centres promoted older adult health by providing opportunities for physical activity and access to health information, education and health services.

•       Senior centres offered a range of educational opportunities that promoted learning, creativity, and skills development.

•       Volunteering opportunities enabled older adults to socialize, contribute to their communities, and share their knowledge and skills.

If we want to help seniors the research demonstrates the benefits of social participation to older adults’ physical and mental health. There is also a potential cost savings of enhancing social participation and consequent health benefits.

After the Pandemic it will take a while to get back to a new normal. I fear that it will be hard to secure funding to support operations is an on-going challenge for senior centres. Cities will be looking to cut programs to make up budget shortfalls and senior center funding will be an easy target. Ensuring that senior centres have sufficient funds ensures that they are able to provide the programs, services, and resources to promote the health and well-being of older adults which, in turn, could lead to cost savings in the health care sector.

My association knows that the availability of health and support services varies considerably between senior centres. Each Senior centre serves a different and diverse population of older adults, and members vary in terms of their age, health and support needs. At this point we are exploring what our new normal will look like and I wonder if we would benefit from additional or specialized health services, including mental health services. In this day of accountability, there are many evaluation tools to help determine if our programs are successful.

Ideas are taken from The benefits of social participation Centre on Aging, University of Manitoba Novek S, Menec V, Tran T, Bell S. Exploring the Impacts of Senior Centres on Older Adults. Winnipeg, MB: Centre on Aging, May 2013.

Did you know?

DID YOU KNOW THESE THINGS HAD NAMES?

1. The space between your eyebrows is called a glabella.

2. The way it smells after the rain is called petrichor.

3. The plastic or metallic coating at the end of your

shoelaces is called an aglet.

4. The rumbling of the stomach is actually called a wamble.

5. The cry of a newborn baby is called a vagitus.

6. The prongs on a fork are called tines.

7. The sheen or light that you see when you close your eyes

and press your hands on them is called phosphenes.

8. The tiny plastic table placed in the middle of a pizza box

is called a box tent.

9. The day after tomorrow is called overmorrow.

10. Your tiny toe or finger is called minimus.

‘I1. The wired cage that holds the cork in a bottle of champagne is called an agraffe.

12. The 'na na na' and ‘la la la‘, which don't really have any meaning in the lyrics of any song, are called vocables.

13. When you combine an exclamation mark with a question mark (like this ?!), it is referred to as an interrobang.

14. The space between your nostrils is called columella nasi

15. The armhole in clothes, where the sleeves are sewn, is called armscye.

16. The condition of finding it difficult to get out of the bed in the morning is called dysania.

17. illegible hand-writing is called griffonage.

18. The dot over an "i" or a "j" is called tittle.

19. That utterly sick feeling you get after eating or drinking too rnuch is called crapulence.

20. The metallic device used to measure your feet at the shoe store is called Bannock device.

Who knew, I sure did not.

A test for the ages

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you 
whether you are qualified to be a "professional".

Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an 
overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator"? (Wrong Answer)

The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your
previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

 The correct answer is The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.
This tests your memory.

  OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?

  The correct answer is: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.