Attiitude adjustments

If you could sit down with a pencil, paper, and list the top five goals most people would put for their senior citizen years, what do you suppose would go on that list? Financial security would probably rank pretty high. And time with family would get good marks. But just based on the thing that seems to be most on the minds of seniors, the thing that would probably rank the highest would be good health, avoiding injury and continued long life.

 Now, if you attend a seminar in good health for seniors, usually the things that get covered are diet issues and exercise. But more and more, research into what seniors are most successful and consistently live the longest and have the lowest incidence of health problems are not the ones who statistically work the hardest to observe strict diet and exercise guidelines. The senior citizens that are the most successful at being the best are the ones who obsess the least about being successful.

We have made much of “the power of positive thinking” and some of it is probably a bunch of hype. But this research on the effect of attitude on how well senior citizens do mentally, emotionally and physically lends some credibility that a senior outlook on life seems to have a great deal to do not only with their quality of life but how frequently you get sick and on longevity.

Part of why this is has to do with expectations. If you enter your senior years expecting you will be ill more often, will experience periods of low energy and will decline quickly over your senior years, that is probably what is going to happen to you.

This is not just because the thoughts themselves have any power like the positive thinking people would have us believe. But if each day you wake up expecting poor health and low stamina, you won’t be as active during the day. You won’t want to socialize with others and you won’t have goals and ambitions. And these are the kinds of things that keep people of any age going. By “giving up” to the onset of old age, we signal our minds and to our bodies that there will be no effort to stay fit and healthy. And because there is no effort in those directions, poor health and low energy results.

Some call this the “self-fulfilling prophecy” syndrome. Seniors that think they will do well, have an active lifestyle and continue to enjoy good health are the ones that do just as well as they think they will. But their counterparts seem to “think themselves ill”.

There are a lot of causes and effects looking at your life with confidence and ambition can have. Seniors who are active, who get out and take on projects, spend time with others and refuse to let old age get them down are the ones that stay happy and healthy longer and have a better quality of life throughout their retirement years.

Another paradox of the importance of attitude on the quality of life of a senior has to do with thinking of others more than yourself. A senior who volunteers are active in helping others and who are always celebrating the lives of family and friends also seem to be happier and more successful members of the community. To state this simply, those who worry about others the most benefit the most personally. But those who worry about themselves the most have the most to worry about.

The best way to turn around the effects of poor attitude and get a change of outlook is to seek better companionship. The old saying “misery loves company” is quite accurate. So getting a better mental attitude, be with people who have friendly attitudes. A positive and creative outlook on life is contagious. And it’s worth the effort to change how you view your retirement life because to think negatively is only going to lead to problems. But if your attitude says you will get the best from life, you experience that and become the best senior you can become

 

Some needed humour

Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will..." – Here are some other Laws you may not have heard! 

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. 

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 

Lowery's Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it  needed replacing anyway 

Beach's Law: Interchangeable parts aren't. 

William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance. 

Lane's Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply. 

Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss, you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. 

Norman Einstein's Law: If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. 

Col. Murphy's Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder! 

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters. 

Here's a sure-fire two-step method to cure yourself of smoking in bed. First, buy a water mattress. Second, fill it with gasoline.

While in the checkout line at my local hardware store, I overheard one man say to another, "My wife has been after me to paint our shed. But I let it go for so long that she got mad and did it herself." His friend nodded. "I like women who get mad like that.

Letting It Go

Resentment and unforgiveness are destructive things to let stay in your heart. You taught that to your children and maybe you even give that advice to your grandchildren to help them get past their childhood arguments and petty squabbles they have with their siblings.

The amazing thing is that by the time you have reached this stage of life, you probably are carrying your own fair share of resentments and things you cannot forgive. These are nothing more than leftover baggage from life. Learning to forgive the offences of the past and “let it go” can mean the difference between living a peaceful retirement or living on a nonstop treadmill of brooding about things that happened long ago.

It is strange that we can give advice about forgiving others to our children and grandchildren, but so often, it’s us who have trouble letting things go. We rationalize holding on to resentment because the offence is much more grievous in adult life than the little things children pout about when they become resentful. But realistically, to the child, that offence is just as serious as the one you are holding in your heart. And the skill of learning to forgive that offence and release the resentment from your heart is one that we need to learn as much as the children do.

Resentment and unforgiveness accomplish nothing. Sometimes we think of the moment of offence when a boss, a coworker, a friend or a relative offended us and we vow that we “will never forget.” That vow is more a death sentence for you than it is any punishment for the one who offended you.

I have heard it said that resentment has a way of “growing legs and following you around”. It’s an apt image because long after the offence is over, that resentment can live on in your heart, taunting you and making you miserable. Meanwhile, the one that offended you does not know you are angry and is going about his or her way happily. Your resentment accomplishes nothing except stealing your peace and making you bitter and obsessive, which is not an attractive trait in Grandma or grandpa.

By isolating that feeling of resentment and simmering anger and seeing that it really has nothing at all to do with the original offence, your rational side takes over and steals the offence from the emotional side that continues to vow never to forgive. Forgiveness is not about saying what happened is ok. Forgiveness is about saying that a negative event will no longer have power over you and you choose to say, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Resentment is a poison that can get inside you and debilitate you for life. By continuing to hold that resentment, you also continue to give that enemy power to hurt you day after day forever. So forgiveness is a way of stealing from your enemy or the one that hurt you any further power to hurt you more. To see it as an offensive weapon where you simply deny access to your precious emotional energy to any past offence.

By learning to let it go, you are actually doing something good for yourself. You will be happier, less burdened and it will actually help your health. You will no longer be a hypocrite when you sit down with your grandchildren and counsel them to “Live and let live and let it go.” And when they see you modelling healthy forgiveness, you will empower them as well. That makes it all worthwhile.

How to Walk Away

Life is full of transitions. And your transition from a busy life to the more relaxed lifestyle of retirement has its fair share of adjustments, too. From retirement from a full-time job to learning how Medicare works to becoming a full-fledged member of AARP, your move to senior citizen status is another of life’s big transitions.  

But one of the most difficult transitions you will face will be the decision to move out of your house to an apartment, a condo or an assisted living facility. Many times, the initial idea of you moving out of your house comes from your caregiver or your children. The idea almost always is hard to hear because, even if you knew this day would one day come, you may have bonded with that home deeply.  

If this is the house you have been in for a long time, perhaps even raised your children there, you fill every room with memories. If your spouse has passed on, the house is a shrine to his or her memory as well. So, if it is your own children that suggest that it’s finally time for you to give the old place up, that can strike deep and cause you to put up a lot of resistance to the idea.

So, we need some guidelines on how you can accept this transition and how to walk away from a place that you have loved so much. Perhaps the first step in dealing with the explosion of emotions you feel when the idea of moving out of your house is recognizing that what you are going through is genuine grief. To a large extent, that house is more than just a building you live in. Because it has been the stage that the drama of your life has played out on, it is more than a place. It may have become a member of the family by now.

So, letting the house go is like seeing a close member of the family pass away. So, before you even try to “talk yourself into it”, just recognize that you are going through grief just as you have when you experienced the passing of a dear friend, your spouse of a member of the family. And like those other times, grief will pass and when it does, the final stage of grief is acceptance of the new world you live in and peace.

Next, sit down with a cup of coffee and talk some sense into yourself. The resistance you are feeling is almost entirely emotional. But it’s time to “debunk” some myths that your sentimental side has allowed to grow up around that house. None of your memories are going to die out just because you move into a new building. Your memories will stay with you and be just as precious in a new home as they are now. Your kids will love you just as much. You will continue to go to the same church and keep the same friends. Start to see that home as what it really is, a building and one that has been good to you, but it’s time to move on.

Finally, begin to more time thinking about why this movie is a good idea than looking at the negatives. Maybe the money that will come from the sale of the home will enable you to buy that cozy little retirement condo you have always wanted. Maybe that money will help with your medical expenses so you can stop worrying about the future. When you are living in an apartment or assisted living center, you don’t have to fuss with mowing the lawn, keeping the place painted and maintained, and all the other stuff that goes with owning a home.  

Your life will become simpler and more relaxed because you took the time to learn to walk away. You will be glad you learned to walk away from the old and embrace the new. Now get with the program and make this move yours so you can enjoy the adventure of a new stage of life. You will be glad you did.