An Oxford comma walks into a bar,

 The History for the Witty posted this and I am sharing with their warning

"I'm sharing this, but it should come with a warning label to read and digest slowly, like cognac, and for those of us pencils that aren't quite as sharp, some of the examples have to be enjoyed through a leap of faith and a thesaurus."

•An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• An alliteration bursts into the bar, barking at the bartender for a beverage. He beamed, "Better be a beer!"

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

The donkey told the tiger:

I got this off of Facebook, author unknown, but the moral of the story is right on.

The donkey told the tiger: The grass is blue.

The tiger replied: No, the grass is green​.

The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, and to do so they approached the lion.

Before reaching the clearing in the forest where the lion was sitting on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn't it true that the grass is blue?"​

The lion replied: "True, the grass is blue"​.

The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me and contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him"​.

The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 5 years of silence"​.

The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating: ′′The grass is blue"​..

The tiger accepted his punishment, but he asked the lion: ′′Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?"​

The lion replied: ′′In fact, the grass is green"​.

The tiger asked: ′′So why do you punish me?"​

The lion replied:

That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is not possible for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with a donkey, and on top of that to come and bother me with that question

The worst waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense... There are people who for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, and others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t.

When ignorance screams, intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquillity are worth more.

Dedication, Determination and Discipline

My grandson just won two national sports championships and a state championship in his country for his age group (12 and under). He is dedicated, determined, and disciplined. He works very hard at what he does and has, since winning the championship attracted the coaches he needs to keep him at the level he wants to be competing. He did not wait for someone gives him an opportunity. He went out and created one for himself. 

His parents have supported him in his dreams and do not push him, and they help him understand that he now has a responsibility to those who have chosen to sponsor him. He worked hard to get three sponsors before he entered and won the championship and he is working hard to keep their trust. I told his mom the other day that since he is a national champion he is now a role model for younger athletes. She said, she knows this and has told him that and she said that he is accepting the responsibility. We hope that his behaviour will do him and his parents proud.

Life is full of surprises, we never thought that he would be as good as he is. We are looking forward to seeing him when he comes to visit with his parents in January, but rather than spend time idle visiting he and his parents will be working on his training for about half the time they are here. As grandparents, we are very proud and hope that he achieves his dream of going to the next Olympics and if he continues to exhibit his dedication, determination and discipline we are sure he will be there. I always wanted to go back to Italy so I am looking forward to being there when he is competing.

Sleep and Ageing

One of the most popular workshops I give is on how to get a good night's sleep. Sleep plays an important role in our lives as we age. The following is from the National Institute of Ageing and offers some  advice on how to get a good night's sleep

Older adults need about the same amount of sleep as all adults—7 to 9 hours each night. But older people tend to go to sleep earlier and get up earlier than they did when they were younger.

There are many reasons why older people may not get enough sleep at night. Feeling sick or being in pain can make it hard to sleep. Some medicines can keep you awake. No matter the reason, if you don’t get a good night’s sleep, the next day you may:

·        Be irritable

·        Have memory problems or be forgetful

·        Feel depressed

·        Have more falls or accidents

Being older doesn’t mean you have to be tired all the time. You can do many things to help you get a good night’s sleep. Here are some ideas:

Follow a regular sleep schedule. Go to sleep and get up at the same time each day, even on weekends or when you are travelling.

Avoid napping in the late afternoon or evening if you can. Naps may keep you awake at night.

Develop a bedtime routine. Take time to relax before bedtime each night. Some people read a book, listen to soothing music, or soak in a warm bath.

Try not to watch television or use your computer, cell phone, or tablet in the bedroom. The light from these devices may make it difficult for you to fall asleep. And alarming or unsettling shows or movies, like horror movies, may keep you awake.

Keep your bedroom at a comfortable temperature, not too hot or too cold, and as quiet as possible.

Use low lighting in the evenings and as you prepare for bed.

Exercise at regular times each day but not within 3 hours of your bedtime.

Avoid eating large meals close to bedtime—they can keep you awake.

Stay away from caffeine late in the day. Caffeine (found in coffee, tea, soda, and chocolate) can keep you awake.

Remember—alcohol won’t help you sleep. Even small amounts make it harder to stay asleep.

Insomnia is the most common sleep problem in adults age 60 and older. People with this condition have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Insomnia can last for days, months, and even years. Having trouble sleeping can mean you:

·        Take a long time to fall asleep

·        Wake up many times in the night

·        Wake up early and are unable to get back to sleep

·        Wake up tired

·        Feel very sleepy during the day

Often, being unable to sleep becomes a habit. Some people worry about not sleeping even before they get into bed. This may make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Some older adults who have trouble sleeping may use over-the-counter sleep aids. Others may use prescription medicines to help them sleep. These medicines may help when used for a short time. But remember, medicines aren’t a cure for insomnia.

Developing healthy habits at bedtime may help you get a good night’s sleep.