The elderly

My thoughts for the boomers still going strong after all these years. 

You know, they call us “The Elderly” ' but I think we deserve a better title. How about 'The Time Travelers'? Born in the 40s, 50s, and 60s, we've lived through more decades than some people have lived through relationships. Yeah, I got my Canadian Association of Retired Persons, card in the mail, and suddenly people are looking at me like I might break a hip just from checking my email. It’s wild, right? So, apparently, we’re ancient! I’m just waiting for some kid to ask if I fought in the Civil War.

But let’s talk about it—we’ve been through eight decades, two centuries, and two millennia! You know, the good old days when 'social media' meant talking to your neighbour over the fence. And if you wanted to 'like' something, you actually had to say it out loud. We went from using rotary phones where you had to call the operator just to reach Grandma three states over, to Face Timing the grandkids while they send you dancing cat memes. I used to get excited when the phone rang because it was either a friend or someone selling encyclopedias. Now when the phone rings, I panic like it’s a bill collector or a scammer trying to steal my Social Security!

And remember vinyl records? Yeah, we had to physically walk over to a machine to hear music. And flip the thing over halfway through! Now my entire record collection fits in my pocket. I don’t even know what half the buttons on my phone do, but I can carry gigabytes of data! Back in the day, “byte” meant someone was stealing your sandwich!

And the fashion, don’t get me started. Shorts as kids, long trousers as adults, then there was those unfortunate flares phase. Oh, and shell suits—who else looked like a shiny burrito in the '80s? Now I’ve reached the point where if it’s got an elastic waistband, it’s my new favourite thing. Comfort first, style second! And you better believe I’m not giving up my jeans. I’ve been wearing denim since the '70s, and I’m going out wearing it, too.

And remember when we used to go to a video store? I’m talking about a place where you actually walked in, browsed the shelves, rented a VHS tape, and prayed the person before you rewound it. I used to be thrilled picking up the latest release for movie night. Now, with Netflix, I spend three hours scrolling and then just end up watching a rerun of something from the ‘90s. It’s like the modern version of staring into the fridge—endless options, but you’re still not sure what you want.

Remember those slide projectors and filmstrips? It was like watching a PowerPoint presentation but without the PowerPoint. And if you were lucky, you might even get to use a computer with punch cards. Yes, punch cards – the original “Ctrl+Alt+Delete'."

We were dating in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. The era of mixtapes and handwritten love letters. If you wanted to break up with someone, you had to do it in person or over the phone. No ghosting or blocking – just good old-fashioned heartbreak.

We stabilized in the 2000s and got wiser in the 2010s and by now we are practically gurus. We figured out how to use smartphones without accidentally calling the emergency services. However, I still remember my mom trying to Facetime me and ending up taking a selfie of her ear.

We've lived through eight different decades, two different centuries, and two different millennia. That's like being a character in a time-travel movie but without the DeLorean. 

Here’s the thing: We’ve adapted. We went from handwriting letters, licking stamps, and walking them to the mailbox to sending emojis and GIFs with a tap of the finger. We've gone from telephones with operators for long-distance calls to video calls anywhere in the world. From slides to YouTube, from vinyl records to online music, from handwritten letters to email and WhatsApp. And let's not forget the evolution of TV – from black and white to color, to 3D HD. It's like our eyes have been on a technological rollercoaster. We’re the generation that’s seen it all. And let’s be real; half of us still don’t know the difference between 4K and “what’s on cable,” but hey, we’re surviving!

"We've seen it all – from infantile paralysis, polio, meningitis, tuberculosis, swine flu to COVID-19. We dodged it all. And now, we're navigating the world of masks and vaccines. , I’m starting to feel like I’ve been playing dodgeball with diseases for the last 70 years. But you know what? We're still here, and that's something to celebrate. But what a great life we've had They could describe us as 'exennials' – people who had an analog childhood and a digital adulthood. We've kind of 'Seen-It-All! 

To all the members of this very special generation, here's to us – the Time Travelers, the Adaptation Champions, the Survivors of Shell Suits. Let's give ourselves a big round of applause for making it through all these decades and still managing to laugh about it."

Wise Advice from a Farmer's Wife

I have received a few emails that start out, "Wise advice from a Farmer's wife". The post are full of home-spun nuggets of wisdom. So I took a few of these sayings and turned them into a short story. Enjoy

On the edge of a small village nestled in the rolling hills, lived a wise farmer’s wife named Clara. Known for her resilience and warmth, she often shared nuggets of wisdom with anyone who stopped by. She had a way of making people feel like family, always inviting neighbors over for supper or offering advice that lingered long after the conversation ended.

One chilly autumn evening, a young woman named Emily, weary from life’s struggles, knocked on Clara’s door. Emily was on the verge of giving up. She had tried her hand at farming, but the crops had failed, the animals had gotten sick, and every plan she made seemed to crumble. She hoped Clara might have some secret to success.

"Come in, dear," Clara said with a warm smile. She led Emily to the kitchen, where a small light glowed softly in the window. "It’s late, but I always keep a light on. It reminds me that no matter how dark it gets, there’s always a way forward."

As Emily sipped on some soup, Clara shared stories of her own hardships—storms that destroyed crops, droughts that left her fields barren, and long, exhausting days of endless work. But she never spoke of giving up. Instead, she spoke of perseverance, with a lightness in her voice.

"When you borrow a pie pan, return it with a warm pie in it," Clara said, handing Emily a slice of homemade apple pie. "It’s a simple thing, but it’s about more than pie. It’s about putting good back into the world, even when you don’t feel you have much left to give."

Emily nodded, taking in the warm scent of cinnamon and apples, but Clara wasn’t done yet.

"And always invite lots of folks to supper, you can add more water to the soup if you need to. There’s always a way to make things stretch, just like your efforts. Sometimes, it feels like nothing’s enough, but when you keep going, you'll find what you have is more than enough."

Emily’s eyes filled with tears. She had been so focused on her failures, she hadn’t realized the importance of pressing on, of sharing, of adding water to the soup when times were tough.

Clara gave a knowing smile and said, "And never think of work as just ‘women’s work’ or ‘men’s work.’ On a farm—and in life—it’s all just work. You roll up your sleeves and do what needs doing."

The next morning, Emily left with a full heart, ready to tackle her challenges again. She wasn’t expecting miracles, but Clara’s final piece of advice echoed in her mind: "Make your home a happy place for yourself and others. People will always return to their happy place. And in time, you’ll find your hard work pays off."

As Emily walked down the dirt road, she looked back to see Clara waving from the porch, the light still glowing in the kitchen window.

And Emily knew, no matter how dark it got, there was always a way forward.

Grammar and humour

 There are some jokes that play on various grammatical and literary concepts, that have been circulating on social media, here is my take on some more.

·   An Interjection bursts into a bar, exclaiming, "What a night!"

·   A Split Infinitive walks into a bar, boldly going where no one has gone before.

·   A Split Infinitive boldly walks into a bar.

·   An Ellipsis walks into a bar... and then just trails off.

·   An Ellipsis walks into a bar… and just keeps going.

·   A Double Negative walks into a bar and orders a drink, saying, "I don't not want a beer."

·   An Onomatopoeia walks into a bar with a bang, a crash, and a boom.

·   An Onomatopoeia crashes into a bar, BOOM!

·   A Personification strolls into a bar, and the door greets it with a smile.

·   An Alliteration walks into a bar, asking for a pint of perfect pilsner.

·   A Hypercorrection walks into a bar and corrects the bartender's grammar.

·   A Tautology walks into a bar and orders a free free drink.

·   A Tautology walks into a bar and orders a drink because a drink is what it wants.

·   An Euphemism walks into a bar and asks for a "gentleman's drink."

·   A Red Herring walks into a bar, but it's just there to distract you from the real joke.

·   An Anachronism walks into a bar, wearing a top hat and ordering a martini.

·   A Pleonasm walks into a bar and orders a completely and utterly full glass of beer.

·   A Neologism walks into a bar and invents a new word for "fun."

·   An Idiom walks into a bar, saying it's "raining cats and dogs" outside.

·   A Jargon walks into a bar, speaking in technical terms that confuse everyone.

·   A Homophone walks into a bar, asking for a "bare" instead of a "bear."

·   A homophone walks into a bar, whether it likes it or knot.

·   A Homograph walks into a bar, wondering if it's a "bank" or a "bank."

·   A Metonymy walks into a bar, asking for "the White House" instead of the bartender.

·   A Metonymy strolls into a bar and says, "Give me a pint of the strong stuff."

·   An Enjambment walks into a bar, continuing the sentence from the previous room.

·   A semicolon walks into a bar; it connects with everyone.

·   A misplaced apostrophe walks into a bar, orders it's usual.

·   A contraction walks into a bar. "I'll have what she's having."

·   A palindrome walks into a bar, saying, "Madam, in Eden, I'm Adam."

·   An appositive walks into a bar, its friend, a bartender, nods knowingly.

·   A rhetorical question walks into a bar, who needs drinks anyway?

·   A parenthesis walks into a bar (it's not really sure why).

·   An understatement walks into a bar, says, "This isn't the worst place I've been."

·   A litotes walks into a bar, not displeased to be there.

·   An antonym walks into a bar, walks out sober.

·   A capitalization walks into a Bar, making a Big Deal of It.

·   An anagram strolls into a bra... I mean, bar.

·   A spoonerism walks into a bar and orders a well-boiled icicle.

·   A paradox walks into a bar and says, "I’m nobody."

Frustration

 Caring for an aging loved one can sometimes lead to moments of frustration, especially when they struggle with tasks that once came easily to them. Whether it’s handling new technology, experiencing memory lapses, or facing physical limitations, these challenges can test our patience.

However, it’s important to pause and recognize that while we may feel frustrated, they are likely feeling even more so. Imagine how difficult it must be for them to confront the loss of abilities they once took for granted.

In the shifting roles of life, there will be times when we provide care and, later, moments when we need it ourselves. By approaching these situations with empathy, we not only help our loved ones navigate their current struggles but also nurture a legacy of kindness and understanding that can be passed down through generations.