The Secret to Being Liked Isn’t What You Think

Let’s get something out of the way right now:

Being liked isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room, having the most stories, or showing off the longest list of accomplishments.

It’s about how you make other people feel when they’re around you.

And here’s the secret: People are drawn to people who make them feel seen, heard, and respected.

This may seem like common sense, but even among seniors with decades of life behind them, this truth often gets lost, especially in new social situations where nerves, ego, or habit can take over.

Let’s dig into how we can flip the script, from trying to impress people to actually connecting with them.

1. Drop the Resume

Yes, you’ve had a fascinating life. Yes, you’ve been successful. Yes, your grandkids are amazing, and your garden is the envy of the neighborhood.

But if every conversation circles back to your own victories, you might be coming across more as a walking résumé than a potential friend.

Instead of impressing people, try expressing interest in them.

• Ask follow-up questions.
• Be curious about their opinions.
• Remember what they say and bring it up later.

Trust me: people will think you’re charming, wise, and delightful… not because you told them, but because you listened to them.

2. Be a Mirror, Not a Megaphone

Want to be liked instantly? Reflect people’s best selves back to them.

That doesn’t mean flattery. It means picking up on people’s values, stories, and strengths, and responding with:

• “That’s a great point.”
• “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thanks for sharing.”
• “Sounds like you really care about this.”

It’s human nature, we like people who like us. And we’re drawn to people who seem genuinely interested in what we say, not just waiting for their turn to talk.

3. Give the Gift of Presence

Put away the phone. Make eye contact. Nod. Smile. Use people’s names.

These tiny actions are the building blocks of genuine rapport.

In board meetings, social clubs, or even casual get-togethers, people remember how you made them feel. Were you present and warm, or distracted and half-interested? Did you make space for them, or compete for attention?

Being present doesn’t require great eloquence. It just means being there, fully, with your focus on the person in front of you.

4. Stay Humble, and Human

Here’s a little truth that may sting:
If people feel that you're always “the expert,” they’ll stop opening up.

Vulnerability builds connection.
It’s okay to say:

• “I’m still figuring this out.”
• “That didn’t go how I expected.”
• “What would you do in this situation?”

When you let others know that you don’t have all the answers and that you value their insights, you invite trust. And trust is the root of any good friendship.

5. The Likeability Litmus Test

Not sure how you’re coming across? Watch what happens after you speak.

Do people build on your point, or change the subject?
Do they include you in side conversations, or move on without you?
Do they seek you out for input, or avoid eye contact when you raise your hand?

Sometimes, what we think is strong communication is actually off-putting. But don’t despair, adjustments can be made.

Ask a trusted friend (gently) how you’re doing. “Do I come across as open, or a bit much?” “Do I dominate without realizing?” You might be surprised by how helpful their observations can be.

Final Thought

The real secret to being liked?
Make people feel that they matter.

Not in a manipulative way. Not to win points. But because they do matter.
Every person in your circle, your committee, or your community wants the same thing you do: connection, respect, and a sense of belonging.

When you give that freely, it almost always comes back around.

Finding Your Place, Without Taking Over the Room

It’s a tricky dance, isn’t it?

You want to belong. You want to be seen. You want people to know you’re capable, friendly, and have a lifetime of wisdom to share. But sometimes, in the effort to prove all that… we step on toes.

For many of us in our senior years, the line between being “engaged” and being “overbearing” can get blurry. Especially when we come into a new group, like a board, a club, or a volunteer team, and we’re eager to show that we have something to offer.

So, how do we find our place in a group without taking over the room? How do we connect and contribute, without coming across as someone who always needs to be in charge?

Let’s break it down.

1. Read the Room, Literally

Every group has its own vibe. Some are chatty and informal. Others follow strict agendas. Some enjoy tossing around ideas in a lively debate. Others prefer calm, step-by-step discussions.

Before jumping in full force, spend a little time observing:

• Who tends to speak up?
• How do people respond when someone disagrees?
• Are decisions made by consensus or by majority?
• Is humour welcome, or does it fall flat?

This isn’t about conforming. It’s about understanding the culture before trying to shift it. Once you know the rhythm, it’s easier to step in without stepping on.

2. Add Without Overloading

When we share our thoughts, it’s tempting to give the whole backstory:
“Well, when I chaired the seniors’ council back in ’96, we faced something similar, except it also involved a parade, a budget crisis, and a runaway goat…”

Save the greatest hits for coffee hour.

In a group setting, brief and relevant comments make the biggest impact. Try this:

• Stick to one point at a time.
• Tie it directly to the current topic.
• Offer it as a suggestion, not a directive.

People appreciate when you contribute, especially if it helps move things forward. But if every comment starts sounding like a lecture or a “back in my day” monologue, folks start to tune out.

3. Share the Spotlight

We all know someone who dominates the conversation so much, others stop trying to speak. (And if you’re not sure who that is in your group… it might be you.)

Try these simple ways to open the circle:

• After you speak, say: “But I’d love to hear what others think.”
• If someone else is quiet, ask: “What’s your take on this, Pat?”
• If you’re getting long-winded, simply say: “Sorry, I’ve said enough. Someone else jump in!”

That kind of humility goes a long way, especially in groups where people are craving space to be heard.

4. Know When to Lead, and When to Support

It’s tempting to take charge, especially if you’ve spent years in leadership roles. But being part of a group isn’t always about leading; it’s often about serving the group’s shared purpose.

Sometimes that means:

• Volunteering to do a task no one wants.
• Backing someone else’s idea instead of pushing your own.
• Letting others get the credit.

Ironically, people are more likely to respect and include you when they see you’re not just there to run the show, but to help it succeed.

5. Be Yourself, The Best Version

Fitting in doesn’t mean shrinking who you are. It just means refining how you show up.

You can still be funny, passionate, opinionated, and accomplished. Just add a little polish:

• Listen more than you speak.
• Let others shine.
• Keep your stories short and sweet.

You’ve got a lot to offer, but sometimes, offering it in small, thoughtful ways makes a bigger impact than trying to do it all at once.

Final Thought

Finding your place in a group is a bit like gardening. It takes time, observation, and care. Push too hard and you uproot others. Stay too far back, and your own roots don’t take hold. But get the balance right, and you blossom, while helping the whole group grow stronger too.

Are You Really Listening? Or Just Waiting to Talk?

Let’s be honest: most of us think we’re good listeners. We nod politely, maintain eye contact, and maybe even throw in a “Mmm-hmm” or a “That’s interesting.” But here’s a question worth asking:

Are you really listening, or are you just waiting for your turn to talk?

It’s a tough question, especially for those of us who’ve spent a lifetime collecting stories, skills, and strong opinions. After all, what’s the point of experience if you can’t share it?

The problem isn’t that we want to talk. It’s that sometimes we forget to listen, and that’s when friendships get stuck, communication falters, and people quietly start to back away.

Let’s unpack what it really means to be a good listener and how it can help you grow your social circle and become someone others want to talk to.

What Listening Isn’t

First, here’s what listening is not:

• Waiting silently while someone else speaks so you can launch into your own story.
• Pretending to be interested while thinking about what you’re going to say next.
• Interrupting with, “That reminds me of the time I…”

Sound familiar? Most of us have done this, and probably more than once. But if it becomes a habit, others start to feel unheard, dismissed, or even invisible.

And when people don’t feel seen or heard, they don’t open up. That’s the fast track to being left out of conversations and social circles.

Listening Is an Act of Respect

True listening is one of the most generous things you can do for another person. It tells them:

• “I care what you think.”
• “You matter.”
• “You don’t need to compete for attention.”

Especially as seniors, when we’re trying to stay connected and build new friendships, listening becomes a superpower. It makes people feel safe and appreciated. It helps us build trust. And it opens doors to deeper, more meaningful relationships.

How to Practice Real Listening

It’s never too late to become a better listener. Here are a few things you can try starting today:

1. Let People Finish Their Thoughts

Don’t interrupt or finish their sentences. Give people the space to express themselves completely, even if you think you already know what they’re going to say.

2. Ask Follow-Up Questions

Instead of jumping in with your story, try asking them more about theirs:

• “What happened next?”
• “How did that make you feel?”
• “What did you decide to do?”

Follow-up questions show you’re engaged, and they give the other person a chance to go deeper.

3. Pause Before Responding

A two-second pause might feel awkward at first, but it can make a world of difference. It gives you time to absorb what they said and keeps you from steamrolling the conversation.

4. Resist the Urge to ‘One-Up’

If someone says they planted tomatoes, resist saying, “Oh, I once grew 50 pounds of heirloom Roma tomatoes in my condo balcony with only a turkey baster and prayer.” Try, “That’s great, how did they turn out?” instead.

Being supportive instead of competitive helps conversations feel mutual rather than performative.

A Quick Self-Test

Next time you’re in a conversation, try this:

• Did the other person do most of the talking?
• Did you ask questions about what they said?
• Did they seem more relaxed by the end of the chat?

If yes, you’re doing great. If not, that’s okay; awareness is the first step to improvement.

Why This Matters

If your goal is to make new friends, fit in with a group, or be better accepted socially, you need to offer what people are truly looking for: someone who makes them feel heard, valued, and interesting.

And here’s the surprising part: when you become a great listener, people will start to see you as more interesting, too. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Final Thought

Being a good listener doesn’t mean giving up your stories, opinions, or passions. It means giving them a little breathing room, so others have space to bring theirs to the table too.

And when you do that, you won’t have to work so hard to “fit in.” People will want to pull up a chair beside you.

What Is Good Communication, Anyway?

Let’s clear something up: talking isn’t the same as communicating. If it were, a lot more people would feel heard, understood, and appreciated. But as many of us have discovered the hard way, communication is a two-part dance, and some of us have been stepping on toes without even knowing it.

So, what does good communication look like, especially in your 60s, 70s, and beyond? And how can we improve our skills without losing our personality or sense of self?

Let’s talk about that. (And yes, this time, we’re listening too.)

Talking at People vs. Talking with People

Most of us have met someone who only seems to pause in a conversation so they can breathe or reload. They’re not really listening; they’re performing. You’ll say something simple like, “I love gardening,” and suddenly you’re treated to a ten-minute speech about their award-winning tomatoes from 1983.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like a prop in someone else’s story, you’ve felt the sting of one-sided communication.

The truth is, many seniors fall into this trap unintentionally. After all, we have decades of experience, stories, and wisdom to share. But when we forget to leave space for others to join in, we turn a conversation into a monologue, and people start tuning out.

Good communication is a conversation, not a contest. It’s not about who’s had the most exciting life or the longest resume. It’s about connection.

The Building Blocks of Clear, Friendly Communication

Let’s break it down:

1. Clarity

Say what you mean. If you’re asking for help, ask clearly. Don’t hint or beat around the bush. For example:

• Not clear: “Someone should really look into this.”
• Clear: “I think we need someone to call the venue today, can you do that?”

People aren’t mind readers, and unclear communication often leads to frustration or misunderstandings.

2. Tone

You might have the right message, but the wrong delivery. If you sound annoyed, critical, or dismissive (even if you don’t mean to), people might back away. A friendly tone goes a long way. Smile. Use people’s names. Say thank you.

Think of tone as the seasoning on a dish. Even the best ingredients can taste off if you throw in too much salt.

3. Active Listening

This is the real secret sauce. Listening isn’t waiting for your turn to speak, it’s tuning in, fully and intentionally. Try this:

• Make eye contact.
• Nod or give small verbal cues like “I see” or “Interesting.”
• Don’t interrupt. (Tough one, we know!)
• After someone speaks, reflect back a summary. “So, what you’re saying is…” shows you’ve heard them.

It sounds simple, but it takes practice. And humility.

A Word About Group Settings

In group conversations, especially on boards or committees, the way you communicate becomes even more important. Rambling, repeating yourself, or straying off topic can unintentionally frustrate others. If this happens often, people may begin to dismiss your contributions, even when you have something valuable to say.

A good rule of thumb? Speak with purpose. Ask yourself:

• Is what I’m about to say helpful to the discussion?
• Have others had a chance to speak?
• Am I adding something new, or just repeating?

It’s not about silence, it’s about timing.

Practice Makes Polite

You might be thinking, “At my age, I shouldn’t have to change how I communicate!” But here’s the thing: we’re not changing who you are, we’re updating the operating system so it works better in today’s social environment.

We all want to be heard, understood, and accepted. And it starts with showing others the same courtesy.

Final Thought

Good communication is more than a skill; it’s a gift. One, you offer to others every time you slow down, listen up, and speak with intention. When you do, you’ll find more people willing to walk alongside you, not just out of respect, but out of genuine connection