Nobel
laureate John Steinbeck was a prolific and eloquent
letter-writer, as the magnificent Steinbeck: A Life in Letters reveals. Among
his correspondence is this beautiful response to his eldest son Thom’s 1958
letter, in which the teenage boy confesses to have fallen desperately in love
with a girl named Susan while at boarding school. Steinbeck’s words of wisdom —
tender, optimistic, timeless, and infinitely sagacious — should be etched onto
the heart and mind of every living, breathing human being.
Dear Thom:
We had your letter this morning. I
will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First — if you are in love — that’s a
good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let
anyone make it small or light to you.
Second — There are several kinds of
love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for
self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an
outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and
respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which
is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can
make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength,
and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you
feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.
But I don’t think you were asking me
what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with
is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very
glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and
most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone — there is no
possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very
shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling
what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you
feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your
feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I
have it and I’m glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She
will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that
is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and
maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don’t worry about losing. If it is
right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
Love,
Fa
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