Resources to help fight racism.

This document is intended to serve as a resource to white people and parents to deepen our anti-racism work. If you haven’t engaged in anti-racism work in the past, start now. Feel free to circulate this document on social media. 

The document was compiled by Sarah Sophie Flicker, Alyssa Klein in May 2020. To see the complete list go here. Thanks to my friend Christie for this information.

To take immediate action to fight for Breonna Taylor, please visit FightForBreonna.org.

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Resources for white parents to raise anti-racist children:

• Check out these books for children and young adults from the list of Coretta Scott King Book Award Winners
• Listen to the Parenting Forward podcast episode ‘Five Pandemic Parenting Lessons with Cindy Wang Brandt’
• Read PBS’s Teaching Your Child About Black History Month
• Follow The Conscious Kid on Instagram

Articles to read:

• “America’s Racial Contract Is Killing Us” by Adam Serwer | Atlantic (May 8, 2020)
• Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement (Mentoring a New Generation of Activists
• ”My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant” by Jose Antonio Vargas | NYT Mag (June 22, 2011)
• The 1619 Project (all the articles) | The New York Times Magazine
• “The Intersectionality Wars” by Jane Coaston | Vox (May 28, 2019)
• Tips for Creating Effective White Caucus Groups developed by Craig Elliott PhD
• ”White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Knapsack Peggy McIntosh
• “Who Gets to Be Afraid in America?” by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi | Atlantic (May 12, 2020)

Videos to watch:

• Black Feminism & the Movement for Black Lives: Barbara Smith, Reina Gossett, Charlene Carruthers (50:48)
• "How Studying Privilege Systems Can Strengthen Compassion" | Peggy McIntosh at TEDxTimberlaneSchools (18:26)

Podcasts to subscribe to:

• 1619 (New York Times)
• About Race
• Code Switch (NPR)
• Intersectionality Matters! hosted by Kimberlé Crenshaw
• Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast
• Pod For The Cause (from The Leadership Conference on Civil & Human Rights)
• Pod Save the People (Crooked Media)
• The Combahee River Collective Statement

Avoiding Bad Habits

Would it not be nice if you could avoid bad habits instead of having to quit them after starting? No one will avoid all bad habits. There are just too many to stay away from them all. Yet, you can reduce the number of bad habits you have to conquer.

There are certain bad habits that you can avoid altogether. Your body has no need for nicotine or tar from cigarettes. So, if you do not take that first cigarette, you will never have to face the daunting task of giving them up. It is well worth any social discomfort you might feel to dodge that bullet.

Other bad habits are a matter of degree. Your body needs food. Many people realize that they will gain a lot of weight if they do not take action. However, you cannot just stop eating altogether. You could for awhile, but that would not be healthy either. Instead, you must find a way to limit yourself.

To avoid the bad habits involved in letting yourself become overweight, you need to think differently. You can do this by thinking of food as a special treat that you only get at certain times. You can eat like a thin person-picking out the best part and leave the rest. There is a host of different thinking patterns you can take on to avoid getting fat.

Not exercising is another of the bad habits that will make you gain weight. You may know that you need to get up and move around. You may have every intention to do so. The energy does not seem to be there when you need it. To avoid this bad habit, start slowly. What you may not realize is that the energy will increase as your exercise increases.

Bad habits of personal hygiene can be avoided by developing a positive routine. If you fear going out in public smelling bad, you can make it a habit to shower every morning. Shower more than once a day if the situation calls for it. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. If you are just starting out on your own, you could even make a list. After all, you are probably past those teen years when everyone else made sure you were decent.

Relationships are difficult enough without developing bad habits. If you are getting married, make a point of discussing all the possible trouble areas first. You can do this with a pre-marriage counselor or on your own. Either way, it is good to learn how you each can contribute to keeping away the bad habits of jealousy or neglect.

Many bad habits can be avoided if you will only consider the needs of yourself and of others equally. Putting yourself first at all times makes you selfish and hard to abide. Putting others first all the time just makes you a doormat.

For every bad habit, there is a way to avoid it. The trouble is that no one can be vigilant enough to control that many behaviors. What is more, many bad habits start before people are old enough to think much about it. If you want to, though, you can pass up some of them.

Understanding

The last day of 2017 is here, we are moving on to a new year, and many of us have made new years resolutions. These resolutions are our wish to change our life for the better, for some of us we will want to lose weight, some will want to get in better shape, others will want to get more, more love, more money, more property, more respect. Others will want to have less, less pain, less emotional hurt, less heartache.

You cannot have less pain or hurt, until you understand why something really hurts. Once you understand then and only then can you begin to stop or lessen the hurting and over time it (whatever it is will) stop hurting.

 

What is important is that you understand that when you understand you have options, you will begin to take the correct action.

 

And when you get that no one can ever stop you from loving more, you feel the love you had earlier denied.

 

It’s time to get it on, so as you start the new year I hope that your resolution is to gain understanding and knowledge so you can take action to lessen pain or gain your goals. It all starts with knowledge and understanding

Connections

In case people look at you funny when you tell them of your loftiest dreams, goals, and blog, all you have to do is turn your head sideways, raise an eyebrow, and slowly say, "I... have... connections...." 

Because we all do, all we have to do is reach out and ask.

Motivation: Winning The Battle In Your Head

As we get older it is harder for some of us to get motivated, we have to shape and create our own goals. This is easy for the self starters among us, but harder for those who have depended on others throughout their life to give them a sense of what needs to be done. 

Motivation is a funny, complex thing. The thing that motivates one person is always different from that of another even though they are working for the same thing. And while people can motivate other people, they can only do so to a certain degree. At the end of the day, you still have to work out a way to get yourself moving. But when everything looks bleak and all you want to do is to surrender, from where do you muster the will to go on?

Begin with winning the battle in your head.

The battle always starts in the head. One part of your brain tells you to move, work, and strive for what you are working for. The other part tells you that it is foolish. It is always easier to listen to the latter, because it is more convenient, less taxing, and easier to do. The former forces you to act and work. All things equal, people always choose the less inconvenient, easy way out. But this isn’t always the better choice. In fact, it is never a good choice.

What separates very effective people from those who are not is their ability to always make the right choices most of the time, even if these choices are the hardest to make. They know how the game works and they try to beat it every single time. Exhausting, yes, but it is also gratifying. There is always a sense of satisfaction in defeating your worst enemy – yourself.

But how do you win the battle that goes on inside your head?

Understand your thoughts and how they affect your emotions and your will power. Negative thoughts can easily kill your sense of purpose. It comes in many forms – lack of self-confidence, general negativity, lack of belief in others, procrastination and the list goes on. Each of these has the power to convince you to throw in the towel and accept that you can't carry on. Identifying each of your negative thoughts is the first step to winning yourself back from a defeatist attitude.

It is not simple feat, though. It takes time before one can shut out the voice in the head that says 'give up, give in'. And sometimes, even when you have already succeeded in neutralizing your negative thoughts, it is still easy to give up at the first sign of a speed bump. After all, it gives you time to rest from the unending struggle to achieve whatever it is you are pursuing, even for just a moment. But don’t buy that. That short period of rest can turn to days, weeks, months, years, ultimately paralyzing you from taking action and living a full life. That's the characteristic of discouragement. It offers you immediate gratification without securing anything in return.

Try to gain positive momentum every time, instead of succumbing back into a demoralized attitude. Every time, even if that means you have to start the battle in your head all over again.

You can’t laugh and worry at the same time

In his three-part article about “Seniors: Coping with Top Ten Worries” Dr. Jerry D. Elrod’s list includes immobility, loss of memory, life threatening illness, death, sexual concerns, loss of energy, loss of social acquaintances, loss of spouse or partner; major financial loss and resuming employment.

Worry takes two forms: the one that gets you to take care of something that is important, the other is anxiety about “what if’s”.  The former can be eliminated by dealing with the legitimate concern.  The latter is nothing but a way to shorten your life.

You can tell the difference if you ask one question about the worrying issue: Is there anything I can DO about this now?  If there is, DO IT!  If not, it is best if you can try to forget it.  In some cases you may not be able to do anything now; in this case write it on your calendar on a date when you feel there will be something that can be done and then let it go for now.  Setting aside a time to think about it can also cause one to focus more on the reality of the concern, and create a mindset of finding answers that will alleviate the worry or at least lessen it.

Another way to stop chronic worrying is to ask: Is this true?  Many times our worries stem from beliefs we have been taught or picked up on our own.  Many of these beliefs are just that, unsubstantiated emotions and thoughts.  It’s better to have faith in the good things in and of life, not the fearful and self-destructive beliefs in the unknown future.

Then there is the long embraced practice of mindfulness.  Outside of the time you have set aside for worrying, live in the present.  Make it a habit to take note of each day in ways that mean the most to you.  If you are a gardener, find all the fauna and foliage you can throughout the day.  Make an effort to connect with someone, old or new, each day.  Today is a great day if you allow it to be.

Then there is the altruistic distraction method of helping others.  And this can be done all the time regardless of the physical condition you find yourself in.  You can get involved in online chat rooms and forums.  You can help someone fix their … well actually almost anything… what are your skills and expertise?  You can even set time aside to pray or visit or teach or etc.  And this not only makes you more mindful, but studies show that giving can help lengthen your life.

If nothing else face the fact that worrying can shorten your life.  According to WebMD, “Chronic worry and emotional stress can trigger a host of health problems.”  Their list of physical responses to worry includes: fast heartbeat, fatigue, headaches, inability to concentrate, muscle aches, nausea, and rapid breathing to name a few.  But this doesn’t include the serious physical consequences like: suppression of the immune system, digestive disorders, short-term memory loss, and even heart attacks.

“Don’t worry, be happy” by Bobby McFerrin is one final way to get in the right frame of mind.  I mean who can’t find something fun in his YouTube video?  Originally it seemed a bit cheeky to me, but then I noticed his toes… funny!  If this isn't your style, read a joke book, watch a comedian, etc.  You can’t laugh and worry at the same time.

Riding on ski lifts at 29 degrees Celsius

We were trying to escape the heat in the valley so my daughter and Adam suggested we go up to the top of Mount Buller. We agreed and it was about 8 to 10 degrees cooler as the temperature dropped from 38 to about 29 degrees. We stopped at the bottom of one of the newer quad chairlifts, divided into two groups of four each and hopped onto the lift to go up to the top, enjoy the view and have a drink. 

The view on the way up was wonderful as you can see from the pic above, we watched the mountain bikers sliding and twisting their way down the mountain bike paths and Adam gave us a running commentary of the scenery and the changes on the runs since he had gone on holidays. He pointed out where they had cleared the bush and where the forest was starting to creep into areas that would be cut back as soon as he returned to work. 

I listened with half an ear; the last time I rod a chair lift was about 10 years ago and it was about -5 degrees not +29degrees and I was enjoying the sun and the wind. I was also impressed by my two-year-old grandsons’ ease about riding the chair. He had been skiing a few months before and had ridden the chairlift with mom and dad so they could teach him to ski. 

I have video of him skiing and he appears to be enjoying himself and will take to the ski school in the southern winter with ease and enthusiasm. We need to be more open to experience and trust that we will enjoy and perhaps excel in them if we give ourselves half a chance.

New or old life?

As we wandered around the golf course, talking about life, one of my friends started talking about coping with life after the death of a spouse.  Most of my friends have been in long term relationships (over 40 plus years) with their partners and as we age the loss of a life partner is a serious issue for us.  My friends realized that I had to consider this possibility when my wife was    sick few years ago, and were thus interested in my views on the topic.

One friend said," I don't know what I would do." 

"After the mourning you would have a new life", one of my other friends suggested

 "I don't, know if I would because I would still have my old life"  he replied. As we continued to  play golf, we talked about the issue of trying to reconnect to our old selves.

Our golf course wisdom after about 9 holes,  was that after 40 plus years in a relationship a person really were not sure who they really are or want to be because for most of their life, they have been in a partnership and as such the person did not look at life as an individual might. That sense of unease of being uncoupled and the sense of loss would unsettle the journey to find one's self. 

One of my friends went on, "I would still have the same people who depend on me, I would still have the same issues at work, My own personal demons would still be there, but now I would have to fight them on my own. How would I know it is time to move on, sell my home and move on and start a new relationship." 

We were not able to answer that question but as friends we just listened, pretended to think and tried to look wise, and soon the conversation drifted back to the latest shot and how beautiful the day was--(my friends and I look at life's serious issues, but only for very short periods of time,as I think do most men of my age :-). 

The conversation got me thinking about change and renewal after the loss of a spouse. Change is hard and coping with life after the loss of a loved one of many years is not easy. After 30 to 40 years in a relationship, how does one start the process of reconnecting with yourself as a single?  For those of us  in long term relationships we have for 30 years or more have not considered ourselves as a separate entity, our life has been intertwined with another.

Joan P. Hubbard, is the author of The Grieving Self and she believes that those who can reconnect and reconstruct their independent self after severe loss will experience emotional healing more quickly and begin a new path toward a viable life. In her forward Hubbard writes, “Grief is a journey most of us are destined to take. We will experience grief at a loss of our physical parts or the abilities of our bodies to perform, the loss of important relationships (family and friends) through death or attrition, loss of jobs and opportunities…loss of some aspect of what we know to be our self.”

The Grieving Process consists of five steps:
1) Denial
This first step is when we try to deny the death of our loved one, or in this case, our spouse.
2) Anger
You'll probably be angry at your spouse for dying and leaving you. Or, you'll be mad at "the world" because it happened.
3) Bargaining
Bargaining usually is tried with God, or another spiritual being. You may ask what you can do to reverse the loss of your husband or wife.
4) Depression or Sadness
This step of the Grieving Process is self-explanatory. Besides feeling depressed or sad, you may still feel angry.
5) Acceptance
When you've reached this level, you will have accepted the fact that your spouse has died. The feelings of anger and sadness that you've had have begun to ease up.

Here's a tip to help you decide when you are ready to move on, after your spouse dies: if you don't complete these five steps first, you won't be ready. Easy to say, tough to remember if you are in mourning.

You can't start reconnecting to yourself and begin a new life while you're still grieving for your late spouse. Mourning will interfere with beginning any healthy, happy relationships. Mourning is not measured in time, nor is it a sequential journey. Once the mourning has finished then the work or reconnecting can begin. Part of the process of finding a new life, is the discarding of the old, very hard to let go for most. 

Friends are important in the process and true friends will allow for the trial and error that happens as we try to see where we now fit. As we move toward finding out who we now are, we may go through some interesting and (to our friends) strange journeys. I believe that in this journey we will make mistakes, but the journey, the mistakes, are needed to find our balance. 

A philosophical journey from here to there...

We are looking to be rich, because we believe that money can help us be better people. A question to think about then

Do you think that if $10,000,000 were to be suddenly deposited into your checking account, that over the following months and years you'd have fewer and fewer challenges? Or do you think, perhaps, that your challenges would simply evolve and change?



Right, evolve and change.



And do you think that with your extra $10 million, you'd gradually be presented with more and more opportunities to be happy? Or do you think, perhaps, that your opportunities would simply evolve and change?



Right, evolve and change.



Now doesn't that answer everything?