Fly Joke

For my grandson


Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.

Bees Joke

For my grandson  
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?

A: Because they have honeycombs

A very musical Xmas to my grandson

All the animated toys at our house got together to wish my grandson a very musical Christmas so I thought I would share their voices. My wish is that you have a very merry Xmas,or whatever you call the holiday, and  hopefully you get to spend some time with the people who mean a lot to you and the people that you love. (If the video does not work, here is the link to it on You Tube:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEQeb-qX8cU&feature=youtu.be
 

Joke for Ryder

A joke for my Grandson from my Niece:

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird! :-)

Walking

The Importance of Walking...

Walking can add minutes to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

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My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

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I like long walks,especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

_________________________

 

   The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

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    I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

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   I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.

    Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

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   Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',  I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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   The advantage of exercising every day  is so when you die, they'll say,

    'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

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   If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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   I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,......

    just getting over the hill.

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  We all get heavier as we get older,  because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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   AND

   Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour  and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

 

   You could run this over to your friends

    But just e-mail it to them

Grandparent a different perspective

Thanks to Scott for this one.

 

Grandparents!!

1.  She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper goodbye!"  I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper goodbye...

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me a Happy Birthday.  He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.   My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,  "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse took out her teeth and proceeded to wash her hair..  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like.  "We used to skate outside on a pond..   I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed,  taking this all in.  At last, she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5.  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''  "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. 

"What's it about?" he asked.  

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7.  I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what colour it was.  She would tell me and was always correct.  It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colours yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,  we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.   Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa.  Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."  "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised  "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today."  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said.  "How do you make babies?"  

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:  "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."   The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children started discussing the dog's duties..

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close." They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.  "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.  Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!  He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over,  you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.