Stress Free Relationships in Retirement:

Does it seem difficult to find the time for your relationship? Relationships change when one person is retired, and this may cause you and your partner  stress?

How can you prevent this feeling of “being overwhelmed” because of the changes that retirement brings from affecting your relationship?

Below are some tips to help couples manage their time, feel more relaxed, have fun and keep that spark ignited in their marriage every day.

Tip #1 Practice good self-care: Eat right and get enough rest. Do something special for yourself and as a couple every day, even if for only 10 minutes. I suggest couples take that 10 minutes before falling asleep at night to share how much they appreciate each other and be grateful for what was accomplished during the day versus focusing on what was not.

Tip #2 Plan Ahead: Create a workable schedule together to get everything important done. Ask yourself: Does this really need to be done today? Would anyone be affected if we did not do it? If the answer is ‘yes’ to either question, then it is a priority. Take care of priority items first, and then do other less important things. Plan ahead and take a vacation or personal day midweek to enjoy some quiet time together.

Tip #3 Forget perfection: Don’t create stress by trying to achieve the perfect situation. Focus on what brings more ease into your lives. Keep it simple.

Tip #4 Laugh and have fun: Have a sense of humor and don’t take yourself so seriously. Lighten up and have fun together. Keep on laughing. Laughter not only helps defuse stress, it helps reduce blood pressure, relax muscle tension, release natural pain relievers, and boost your immune system. It will also help with your sex life.

Tip #5 Learn to say ‘no’: It really is OK to say ‘no’ to things you do not have time for or don’t have an interest in participating. If you’re saying yes because you’re worried about what someone might say, you’ll feel resentful and out of control. Be true to yourself and to each other. Say ‘maybe’ to check in with each other and then make the decision.

Good communication and honoring both partner’s schedules is always essential.

Bonus: Both of you are unique. Learn to appreciate and respect what you both bring to the relationship and get to know your partner all over again. Falling in love to the same person is wonderful for both.

Happy Anniversary to my Wife

Some people may think that advice for a happy marriage can be a bit obvious, but if that's the case why are there so many unhappy marriages?  My wife and I have been together since 1966 and married since 1969 and today is our 41st Anniversery.  Because we have been together for a while, I have been asked by some people how to maintan a long term relationship, and the truth is I don't know. 

I think it can be very hard to focus on the big picture when you are on the inside of a long term relationship. Many of my friends have just as long relationships with their spouses, some for 40 years, some longer. So I asked some of my friends how they haved managed to stay together. Here are some of their thoughts:

Communicate. A marriage is nothing without communication-and that doesn't mean arguing and snapping at each other all the time-that's not real communication. Communication means switching the TV off for once and sitting down and talking over your day, or letting your partner know in a direct way when there is a problem. A marriage is rarely harmed by some good direct communication.

Admit when things are wrong. During a serious relationship it can be very easy to let yourself gloss over things and make believe that everything will be okay. In truth though, if you do this you aren't being true to yourself, your partner, or your marriage. Problems in marriages are like snowballs rolling down a hill-it's easier to stop them early. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.

Know the difference between falling in love and maintaining a loving relationship. Falling in love can often be like being intoxicated, the subject of your love can do no wrong and all different areas of your brain are impaired due to your preoccupation with them. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it's necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.

You get what you give, so if you do everything you can to make your partner happy, the chances are they will step up their efforts to make you happy. The more effort you expend making your partner understand how much they mean to you, the more likely it is for them to reciprocate. This means keeping a little karmic theory into your marriage (What goes around, comes around)

Learn that mending a relationship doesn't mean mending your partner. A marriage includes you both, and so any issues or situations always include both of you. You can't fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. People aren't like animals, and you shouldn't have to “marriage train” your partner into making you happy. It's not fair on them, and it's not fair on you.