Its almost Friday

New dog crossbreeds

Collie + Lhasa Apse

Callaoso. a dog folds up for easy transport.

Pointy: + Setter

Poinsetter, the traditional Christmas gift.

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso

Peekasso. an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel

Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as mountain air

Terrier + Bulldog

Terribull, not a good dog.

Bloodhound + Labrador

Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

Malamute +Pointer

Moot Point, owned by...oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway.

Collie +Malamute

Commute a dog that travels to work.

Deerhound + Terrier

Derriere, a dog that is true to the end.

This is a genuine Ad from 1964 when WD-40 was first released. If you don't read anything else today this one just might make you laugh out loud.

Do you Have

TIGHTNUTS

or

A RUSTY TOOL?

then use

WD 40

In the MAN SIZE

PRESSURE PACK

STANDS 9" HIGH 1.5 " DIAM

·       Makes old tools like new again

·       Tools slide in and out with ease

·       Lubricates dry passageways

·       Makes screwing a pleasure

·       Gives better penetration

BUY SOME TRY SOME

KEEP A SPARE PACK IN YOUR CAR FOR EMERGENCIES

WD 40 ITS GOOD STUFF

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light In downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside them.

"Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins." shouts one of

the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know

who we are; show them your cross.”

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off".

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window looks back at

Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that

sound cross enough?

Thoughts on a rainy day

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman, but made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? Haven‘t you ever seen a naked woman before? “

The old Jewish driver slowly answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I wasn‘t staring at you like you think. Dat vould not be proper."

The woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?"

He paused a moment, then told her, "Well... M'am, I am

looking, and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay tor dis ride?"

EATING IN THE FIFTIES

Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.

Curry was a surname.

A takeaway was a mathematical problem.

Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere.

Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.

All chips were plain.

Oil was for lubricating; fat was for cooking.

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

Chickens didn't have fingers in those days.

None of us had ever heard of yogurt.

Healthy food consisted of anything edible.

Cooking outside was called camping.

Seaweed was not a recognized food.

‘Kebab’ was not even a word, never mind a food.

Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days and was regarded as being white gold.

Prunes were medicinal.

Surprisingly muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed.

Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.

Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.

The one thing that we never on our table in the fifties was elbows, hats and cell phones.

How to be a teacher

Teachers are well into their first month of the new year and classrooms should be falling into a routine. How times have changed.  Here are two sets of ideas on how to be a teacher, one from 1872 and one from 2019

How to be a teacher in 1872

·       Teachers each day will fill lamps, clean chimneys.

·       Each teacher will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day’s session.

·       Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to the individual taste of the pupils.

·       Men teachers may take one evening each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go to church on a regular basis.

·       After ten hours in school, the teachers may spend the remaining time reading the Bible or other good books.

·       'Women teachers who marry or engage in unseemly contact will be dismissed.

·       Each teacher should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so that he will not become a burden on society.

·       Any teacher who smokes uses liquor in any form frequents pool or public halls, or gets shaved in a barber shop will give good reason to suspect his worth, intention, integrity and honesty.

·       The teacher who performs his labour faithfully and without fault for five years will be given an increase of twenty-five cents per week in his pay, providing the Board of Education approves.

·       You may ride in a buggy with a man if the man is your brother or your father.

How to a Teacher in 2019

·       Make sure the academic. emotional. social. psychological. mental. physical. and nutritional needs of every single student you come into contact with is met...daily.

·       Form deep, personal, caring. loving. but irreproachably professional relationships with each of those students.

·       Do not be their friend.

·       Make sure they know they can come to you at any time for any reason.

·       Hold them to the highest standards of excellence but do not put any undue pressure or expectations on them that might damage their self-esteem or world view.

·       Always give them a pencil, even ii’ you've given them one every day for three marking periods.

·       Put aside standards and tests when national or world issues of importance arise in order to facilitate meaningful conversations that will help strengthen their social-emotional learning and empathy.

·       Never talk to them about politics or controversial issues because that could be viewed as trying to force your views on them.

·       Maintain a classroom that is engaging. fun. comfortable. and visually appealing because students won't learn in an environment that they do not enjoy.

·       Do not crowd your room with too many overstimulating, colourful. interesting items that distract students from the learning process.

·       Instill a sense of growing independence and self-responsibility in every student while communicating about everything they do in school to their parents daily via email, text. phone calls. newsletters. and blog posts.

·       Focus on real-life learning that people really use like bill paying. financial investment. conflict mediation. small appliance repair. etc.

·       Make sure all students are proficient on state assessment tests that cover those issues.

·       Be prepared at all times to tackle an intruder with a gun or step into the path of a bullet for every student in your building.

·       Be aware that your job is easy because you get summers off, however, make sure you come into your classroom several times over the summer to prepare, make copies. and get things ready for next year.

·       Be a superhero. But don't be too braggy about it.

Talking to a dying person

I have talked about this before, the five regrets of the dying but I thought I would talk about it again. My favourite cousin had a brain aneurysm and she is not as fortunate as my wife, who fully recovered. My cousin is not recovering. Her daughter told me that the family and my cousin had made the decision to pull her off life support within the next two days. 

We talked about how hard a decision that was for the family, and I said: "I thought they had made the correct decision, as I knew my cousin and how she would not want to be a burden on others or lose her freedom". We talked some more about her condition and how hard it was on her family to see her in steep decline.

Her daughter told me that my cousin had perked up when she had heard I had called so she asked me if I would speak to my cousin before they pulled her off life support.  I will do that in the next day or so.

I love my cousin and I will be sad to lose her but knowing that she wants it this way, makes it easier. However, a loss is never easy and her loss will have a profound effect on her husband, her daughter, her sons, her grandchildren, her cousins, and her aunt and me.

I was thinking about what to say to my cousin and I remembered the article about the top five regrets of the dying which are:

• I wish I had  the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
• I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
• I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
• I wish I had let myself be happier

My cousin at this point does not recall her children's names and so she will be, I think, unaware that we had a conversation once I hang up. I remember when my wife was recovering from her aneurysm she lived in the moment, and it was, for my wife important that she be connected with people. 

I suspect that my cousin will be the same, and when we talk it will be important to her and so I will be upbeat and positive. But when I hang up the memory of the conversation will be lost to my cousin, but will stay with me. My problem is that I really don't know what to say to a person who has made the decision to let life go, it will be a hard conversation for me but hopefully not for her.