Public Speaking

Most of us have a fear of public speaking and will do whatever we can to get out of it. Here is some of the tricks that I use if I have to give a speech. When public speaking, pause frequently. Pause before you say something in a new way, pause after you have said something you believe is important, and pause as a relief to let listeners absorb details.

When I was first trying my hand at public speaking, I was told a successful speech was in the presentation. “Tell the audience what you want to tell them. Tell the audience what you just told them and then wrap up by telling them again what you just said.” The point is that repetition is the key to a good speech. Repetition and one message at a time. People can get confused when or if you give them too much information at once.

It is important that if you are giving a thank you speech, for example, you just say thank you, acknowledge those who have helped you and stay on course. If you are welcoming a person to the group or to your community, focus on the welcome, what the community can do for the person and what, if anything the community can expect from the person being welcomed.

I am not a great public speaker and if I have to give a formal speech, I write it out and practice before I give the speech. When I have to give a speech, I have it mostly memorized, and I talk to the audience without referring to my notes often. I do refer to the notes to make sure I have not left anything out. If I am asked to speak and I have not prepared anything, which does happen from time to time, I make the speech short and to the point, and if possible I use humour to break the ice. 

This is empathy

Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. Thanks to Ken for the idea for this post.

Contemporary researchers often differentiate between two types of empathy: “Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is feeling or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety. “Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other people’s emotions.

Affective empathy can be when someone is struggling and you focus on what they are feeling and see through their eyes. Cognitive empathy is understanding that while we may be different but we’re not on different sides. Your ability to see the world as others do is cognitive empathy.

Empathy is the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences and it is one that all animals have. Over the last several decades, we’ve seen increasing evidence of empathy in other species. One piece of evidence came unintentionally out of a study on human development. Carolyn Zahn-Waxler, a research psychologist at the National Institute of Mental Health, visited people’s homes to find out how young children respond to family members’ emotions. She instructed people to pretend to sob, cry, or choke and found that some household pets seemed as worried as the children were by the feigned distress of the family members. The pets hovered nearby and put their heads on their owners’ laps.

Emotions trump rules. This is why, when speaking of role models, we talk of their hearts, not their brains. We rely more on what we feel than what we think when we see others in distress. Moral rules tell us when and how to apply our empathic tendencies, but the tendencies themselves have been in existence since time immemorial.

When someone is struggling, they don’t always need someone to swoop in and fix things. They may just need someone to understand where they’re coming from. Empathy might, in fact, be the positive aspect of all of this: whatever our circumstances, it’s clear that we all need to feel seen and heard. If empathy doesn’t come easily to you, the good news is that it can be learned and practiced. Empathy can help us know ourselves and our own feelings. It can help us lead, help us communicate and help us support and connect with others. At home. At work and at school.

No pain, no gain?

On May 1^st Caree Risover wrote on her blog about the pain she suffered when overdoing work in her garden, without stretching. “I spend all day yesterday digging, lifting and bending in the garden but I totally overlooked stretching off afterwards.”

I and many others have been in her position, but after reading her post, I got to thinking about the adage that became part of the lexicon back in the 80s “No pain, no gain.” Many people who want to get into shape say this to justify the pain they endure to become fit.

When I was coaching back in the 80s and 90s I used the expression to motivate the student-athletes I worked with both during games and workouts.  It was not until I retired that I discovered the myth that if your muscles aren't experiencing pain, then you must not be working hard enough is not true.

Pain is the brain's way of telling your body to halt its activity and become aware of correcting the pain - not to keep going, so exercising through the pain, once it is felt, is bad for you.

Pain isn't the only way to measure the success of a workout. Pain is the body warning the brain that something might be going wrong. Professional athletes are coached to know their limits, helping to avoid excess on joints and muscles to minimize the risk of serious injury.

Physical pain is a response our brains send to our bodies to cease activity and evaluate for injury. Even slight discomfort needs to be analyzed and assessed, not ignored.

There is a line between the right pain felt when working out to build muscles and suffering from an injury. If the sensation continues, or swelling occurs, seek medical help immediately.

Regular exercise promotes muscle development and can positively contribute to cognitive and mental health, which is vital for an ageing population.

It's essential during workouts to use the correct form when lifting weights and avoid

You don’t have to experience pain to know you’ve reached your limit. When posture and technique become compromised due to fatigue, it’s time to give it a rest and ignore the adage “no pain, no gain” it is wrong.

Values take a long time to fade

Some of us may still feel shame or discomfort because we are not doing what we have done habitually for so long. Going to work, being engaged, and being productive embody traditional values that may take time to fade, especially if these activities have high intrinsic value in terms of personal meaning.

Such values can create ambivalence for those who are making the transition to retirement. The avoidance of shame caused by wrongly perceived dependency on a partner may also motivate some retirees to seek part-time employment.

The percentage of seniors in care is low, but because ageism is so prevalent in our society as we age, we have an increased fear of too much dependency on caretakers be they, relationship partners or professionals. Inability to take care of oneself with increasing age can bring feelings of shame and guilt. Physical dependency restricts life choices and can overburden caretakers. The deterioration of vision, hearing, and memory can also threaten personal autonomy. The possibility of incurring the wrath of caretakers for the inability to control bodily functions can also be a source of potential shame, even though the odds are against this happening we have an overwhelming fear of being too dependent.

After the initial excitement of being retired, we may settle down to making necessary adjustments. Some of us find that a busy schedule of recreational activities does not provide long-term meaning. But the question arises: What do I do in retirement apart from recreation, hobbies, and travel?

 

Perceived exile from the former workplace can produce feelings of powerlessness and isolation. Now that retirees no longer have the backing of a job to enhance their credibility in their area of expertise, they may find themselves in no mood to “chase ambulances” again in order to find full- or part-time work. Underlying the attempt to find new activities and projects to replace those lost to retirement is a feeling of having gone through the work-life cycle once and a resistance to having to work hard, be it paid or unpaid, to develop new projects.

These feelings make it more difficult for some of us to look for projects and activities that are not a rerun of what we have already accomplished. The loss of the stimulation and meaning provided by their former employment, however, may draw some retirees back to their former work role, either in a part- or full-time capacity.

The basic question of What do I do with my retirement? is difficult to answer. Some of us find that taking it easy only prevails for a while until dissatisfaction mounts and the search for some meaningful activity occurs. The search is made more difficult by the large number of possibilities from which choices can be made. Because this choice dilemma occurs in the afternoon of life, it may not be faced with the enthusiasm of a younger person who is just beginning a career.

Time frames initiatives differently in later life. Having expended so much energy in earlier life, we may be less willing or unable to summon the energy and enthusiasm for a twilight repeat of earlier life initiatives. As we look to reinvent ourselves we may gaze upon the accoutrements of our prior employment, such as tools, books, and credentials and may struggle to come to terms with the probability that these will no longer be needed. These props of a past life can evoke nostalgia and grief for the end of a career even though they may be retained in the faint hope that they might once again become useful.

Nonetheless, there are those who do not encounter this weakening of initiative. Some do not retire. Others shift to part-time work and thereby avoid some of the difficulties experienced by those who leave their former careers completely behind.

Because of the high value placed on work and effort in North American society, those retirees who have problems developing new initiatives may experience guilt about whether they are doing enough. But it can be difficult to follow through on initiatives because many in our society expect seniors to confine/herself to lives centred on recreation, relaxation, and travel.

The coincidence of ageing and retirement can reduce the kind of motivation to achieve what may have characterized retirees’ younger years. It is important, nevertheless, for retirees to search for meaningful projects and recreational activities, be they old or new. Meaningful initiatives in later life are different from those of the earlier stages. If retirees’ finances are adequate, meaning and life satisfaction–rather than economic necessity and ambition–are more likely to be the criteria that influence their choice of activities, projects, or employment.