Retirement as a state of mind

 People talk about seniors as if we were one age group with the same needs. There is the young senior's hose between 55 and 70, middle-aged seniors, between 71 and 80, and super seniors over 80. At a macro-level, each of these groups has different wants and needs. Just like there are stages of retirement there are different stages of ageing. Fellow blogger Caree Risover asked the following question in one of her blogs

“Does it actually matter when retirement is really a state of mind; a stage of evolution; a period of life when you apply your time as you seek?”

At what stage does retirement become a state of mind? Is it in the pre-retirement stage which involves imagining your new life and planning for it? Anywhere from 5 to 10 years, many people shift their focus from building their careers to focusing on the financial planning aspect of retirement.

This is important, but retirement is still not fully a state of mind, because in this early planning we don’t spend enough time on the emotional planning for retirement. Planning to make sure you find, fun and find purpose in this stage of your life. Making lifestyle decisions, such as downsizing to have more financial freedom and the ability to age in place, will help you plan for both your financial and emotional well-being. For many, this stage is a time of excitement and anticipation. But it can also be a time for worry and doubt, especially in the year or two before retirement.

Is retirement a state of mind, in stage two when you are fully retired?

For many, this phase includes feelings of excitement, relief, and freedom from the stress and responsibilities of your day-to-day working life. People in this stage are usually busy reconnecting with family, friends, and spouses, and spending time on hobbies, travelling, and starting new businesses.

Instead of taking a honeymoon vacation-like path in this stage, some people choose to settle into a routine immediately, waking up each morning with a plan in place, and often continuing activities that were part of their busy schedules during their working life. And others opt for rest and relaxation after years of working demanding jobs that drained all their energy.

For many retirement is a state of mind in this stage, but after a few years disillusionment sets in and once the emotional high of retiring has worn off, many feel a sense of disappointment and disillusionment. They have spent so much time looking forward to retirement, so once it sets in, it can feel less exciting than it was hyped up to be.

Because one has the freedom and a period of life when one can apply one’s time as they want, retirement as a state of mind at this stage can become a negative mindset. At this stage, some people feel boredom, loneliness, and feeling useless. If not addressed, it can be easy to slip into depression during this stage.

Is retirement a state of mind, in the next stage of retirement when we begin to evaluate our retirement experience? This stage may involve creating a new identity, and it can take some time and effort to accomplish. But created, you can gain a sense of closure from your working days and move on to enjoy retirement as it’s meant to be enjoyed. To avoid falling into a rut and depression, it’s crucial that you find something that gives you a sense of meaningful purpose later in life, such as pursuing a passion, volunteering, and adding new fun activities to your daily routine.

In the final stage of retirement, retirement is fully a state of mind, in this stage, retirees are settled into a fun and rewarding retirement lifestyle, doing things that make them feel fulfilled. They prioritize simplifying their lives and living relaxing lifestyles.

Health conditions may be more prevalent during this stage, so many of us focus on maintaining our health and independence. While not every person will experience each stage as intensely or for the same amount of time as others, most retirees will experience this process in some form once they stop working.

Like with any major transition in life, retirement comes with a whole array of emotions. But if you thoughtfully plan for your transition to take care of yourself both your financial and emotional health, you can help ease the emotions of life transition, and spend more time with retirement as a permanent state of mind.

Poems for Gardners

 Bloom by Emily Dickinson

Bloom  is Result to meet a Flower

And casually glance

Would cause one scarcely to suspect

The minor Circumstance

Assisting in the Bright Affair

So intricately done

Then offered as a Butterfly

To the Meridian

To pack the Bud oppose the Worm

Obtain its right of Dew

Adjust the Heat elude the Wind

Escape the prowling Bee

Great Nature not to disappoint

Awaiting Her that Day

To be a Flower, is profound

Responsibility

_________________________

The Glory of the Garden  By: Rudyard Kipling

Our England is a garden that is full of stately views,

Of borders, beds and shrubberies and lawns and avenues,

With statues on the terraces and peacocks strutting by;

But the Glory of the Garden lies in more than meets the eye.

For where the old thick laurels grow, along the thin red wall,

You will find the tool- and potting-sheds which are the heart of all ;

The cold-frames and the hot-houses, the dungpits and the tanks:

The rollers, carts and drain-pipes, with the barrows and the planks.                                

And there you’ll see the gardeners, the men and ‘prentice boys

Told off to do as they are bid and do it without noise;

For, except when seeds are  planted and we shout to scare the birds,

The Glory of the Garden it abideth not in words.

And some can pot begonias and some can bud a rose,

And some are hardly fit to trust with anything that grows;

But they can roll and trim the lawns and sift the sand and loam,

For the Glory of the Garden occupieth all who come.

Our England is a garden, and such gardens are not made

By singing:–“Oh, how beautiful!” and sitting in the shade,

While better men than we go out and start their working lives

At grubbing weeds from gravel-paths with broken dinner-knives

 There’s not a pair of legs so thin, there’s not a head so thick,

There’s not a hand so weak and white, nor yet a heart so sick.

But it can find some needful job that’s crying to be done,

For the Glory of the Garden glorifieth every one.

Then seek your job with thankfulness and work till further orders,

If it’s only netting strawberries or killing slugs on borders;

And when your back stops aching and your hands begin to harden,

You will find yourself a partner in the Glory of the Garden.

Oh, Adam was a gardener, and God who made him sees

That half a proper gardener’s work is done upon his knees,

So when your work is finished, you can wash your hand and pray

For the Glory of the Garden, that it may not pass away!

And the Glory of the Garden it shall never pass away!

Fireflies in the Garden By Robert Frost

Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,

And here on earth come emulating flies,

That though they never equal stars in size,

(And they were never really stars at heart)

Achieve at times a very star-like start.

Only, of course, they can’t sustain the part.

One Vast Garden By: Sri Ananandamayi Ma

“I find one vast garden spread out all over the universe.

All plants, all human beings, all higher mind bodies

are about in this garden in various ways,

each has his own uniqueness and beauty.

Their presence and variety give me great delight.

Every one of you adds with his special feature to the glory of the garden.”

Speak with confidence

 Speak confidently as if you are right, but listen carefully as if you are wrong. Early on in life, I realized that if you listen carefully to people you could learn from them. Over my career I have found success by surrounding and supporting those who are smarter than me or who have better skill sets then I do.

One thing that my father taught me when I was about 15 years old was that there would be people who take advantage of their position. These people would bully, cajole, or demean those who they had power over because they could. My dad said, if you are in that situation as a worker, you have a choice, be bullied, stand up for yourself, or quit. He also said that if you are on equal standing as a supervisor with the bully, it is your responsibility to tell them to stop, and if they don’t then you need to report them and if that does not work, then you need to leave. Management which allows this type of behavior is not worth working with and you will regret your decision to stay.

Over my working life, I was fortunate to work with only one boss that was a bully. I stood up for myself and for my pains I was fired. At the time, it was devastating, but eventually it was a blessing. As a result of being fired, I took some time to revaluate my priorities and changed my career path. When I went into education, I remembered what my dad said, and never tried to force my students or bully them. I also, because of my mom and my dad, grew up with a sense of confidence that I could do whatever I wanted to do.

As I moved into new areas that others were not sure of, I listened to what people said and I learned from them, and I also learned how to speak with confidence. Speak with confidence and it has a strange effect on people, they want to believe you and that creates a sense of responsibility for them. I have found that whatever I went into, over time I have moved into leadership positions and in those positions I always speak with confidence but listen as if I am wrong.

Volunteering in retirement

 At some stage in retirement, our thoughts turn to how we can contribute to helping our children and our grandchildren as well as contributing to the well-being of the community. Many of us are already heavily invested in the welfare of our children and grandchildren. However, giving them money is not the answer what is important is that you give them your time and energy to help children develop in a way that will lead to a well-adjusted society in the future.

Some of us may feel that we have done enough by raising our own children whereas others look to volunteer for organizations that are focused on the well-being of citizens. Many of us are likely to be involved in caregiving for a spouse, elderly parents, children, grandchildren, or friends. Some of us believe that we are already contributing to society by doing this caring so we may not want to help outside our family circle.

When we volunteer, it may not live up to our expectations. Some of us who volunteer find volunteering fulfilling but some find it disappointing. People with specific skills may be asked to do jobs that do not match their skill set.

Sometimes, permanent employees of the agencies, we volunteer for can feel threatened by the competence of some volunteers. With government funding and other sources being reduced, there is a real fear there is the possibility that volunteers could displace the employees. 

If volunteers are stuffing envelopes or delivering flyers, they may find that such tasks lack meaning and eventually withdraw. The challenge is to find a desirable balance of a situation in which retired volunteers can help their communities and also find meaning. If tasks lack meaningful engagement, seniors who volunteer will not stay.

Identity issues faced in the early stages of life can recur, especially when people have reached retirement. Although the contexts of retirement and the earlier stages of life differ, drawing on the emotional tensions first encountered earlier in life can facilitate self-awareness and increased understanding and subsequent management of some of the challenges of retirement.