Monday, March 30, 2015

Last joke of the month

Sorry for the run of bad jokes but since my conversation with my young friend on the 26th (Say yes to life)  I have had the need to look at some silly jokes to help get past the sadness I feel for her and her family. So this is the last joke for a while and it is a groaner.

Two elderly vultures decided they would fly south this year for vacation, so they make reservations with an airline.

They arrived at the airport, and the clerk looked at their luggage and asked if they wanted to check in as baggage the two dead raccoon's they brought with them to snack on. "No," the vultures said. "They're carrion."

And know for the real groaner.......... :o)

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious Cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious Cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the Cod to change him back and lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,

"It's me, Justin,your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."

Christian asked warily, "What do you mean changed?"

"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian"

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Fun joke for the little ones

Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) 
Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) 
Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) 
Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) Two men are on a boat. Pete and Re-Pete. Pete fell off the boat, who's left? Repeat. (Re-Pete) 

Friday, March 27, 2015

What if?

What if that one person in your life right now that you're not feeling so much love for, was also the one person in your life right now for whom you could make the greatest difference? 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

An oldie but a goodie

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders some food from the bartender. He sits down and eats his meal. After the panda bear finishes eating, he stands up, pulls out a gun and shoots up the bar. 

As the panda is walking out of the door, the bartender asks him, "What are you doing??" 

The panda bear turns and says, "I'm a panda bear, look it up." 

So the bartender looks up 'panda bear' in the dictionary and finds that it says, "Panda bear: eats chutes and leaves."